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Thursday 27th December

The last trail of the year - moved to a Thursady to miss the bank holidays - was not a bad evening . Only 20 including the two walkers for an expected low turnout - Bearing in mind only a few years ago this would have been a large group.

Martin set tonight on his ownsome as Brooke was down with the lurgy and not up to running - shame as it was a nice trail. Martin had set about 5.5 miles with a reasonable number of checks with - for him - a restricted amount of mud. Careful setting took us through a small part of the trail twice in succession, possibly to the relief of Tony H as some of those going round the 2nd time managed to catch him before he started the second loop.

A good trail and following is a report from our on-on sec Heather

27th DECEMBER 2007
It seemed a bit strange getting ready to go our hashing on a Thursday night - wrong things on TV etc. Tony E. cried off sick with a bad cold, Nick tried the same but I told him a walk in the fresh air would do him good. Being so close to the festivities there was a lowish turn-out (would have been considered huge a few years ago) of about 20. Only two walkers - Allan and Nick who strolled off in the opposite direction to the rest of the pack.
Of course it was a well planned and executed trail laid by the splendid Mr Hack. Although he does enjoy running through the mud on other people's trails he is usually quite kind on his own trails and this turned out to be the case tonight. Mostly on roads with the odd excursion along slightly slippery tracks and the not too bad field (treated to two of them twice for good measure), the pace was fairly brisk and we arrived back at the pub in very good time to join our two walkers. Martin announced that as he was not driving he would perhaps have several pints (5). The red wine was excellent.

A Good time had by all another FIVE STAR HACK event.

Tuesday 18th December 2007

The trail tonight was set by Mike and Pam - having made their way back from Portugal to do so - brave people - and also did the lots of yummy food thing they do so well.
The evening sky went clear and the moon was at ¾ so maybe full next week. As a result the temperature dropped. Fortunately there was no wind so once running we soon warmed up.

Off we went round the back streets of Pickmere until we met with the mere itself. For a change we went off in a clockwise direction through the mud before going up onto the road again Soon we were off road again as Mike completed the circumnavigation of the mere before we met up with Pam and a huge pot of mulled wine which we endeavoured to consume.

A little more road work brought us past the Red Lion and then home.
A good trail though I have never neeeded to break the ice on my shoe-laces before so that I could undo them. Tonight also marked two celebrations 1. Allans 1000th Cheshire hash and 2. Nicky's birthday - for which Pam had made one of her rude cakes -This time with four little naked men with different levels of endowment.

Tuesday 11th December 2007

As I was recovering from an infection I wandered around the bright christmas lights with Allan and the other walkers - tonight swelled also by the presence of Adrian L -- As a result there is a report written by our own on-on sec Heather.

Waitrose Car Park, Sandbach - Roger Turner & Cat Wells

We all gathered in the lower part of the Waitrose car park full of trepidation - it was a Roger Trail and it had been VERY wet recently!! Cat looked cheerful enough but did own up to having walked around the set trail again on Sunday as it had been pouring with rain on Saturday when the duo had actually ‘laid the trail‘. Tonight it was fine and mild. John M. was out again with his rucksack full of bricks, in training for the MDS in the spring, Luckily I know that I hate getting sand in my shoes so that is one race I will definitely NOT be entering.

After Roger had called order and given the usual string of instructions - as usual no one was listening - we were led off the first check where half the hash attempted to get themselves run over as they crossed the road. On On through the housing estate where Santa’s little helpers had been very busy decorating the houses, one even had some tasteful carols playing too. All was going well as we ran along various paths and ginnels eventually passing the motorway service area and up the service road and feet still warm and dry,. there was then some mutterings about a muddy lane - they were right it was muddy and particularly smelly. Tony mentioned that the lane was one of his old ‘courting’ haunts we can only presume that it was much dryer in those days!

On we went, tempted by the canal but ran across the golf course instead until we arrived back at the canal at one of Nicky’s checks from a couple of weeks ago. This time it was off along the canal to Wheelock, up the hill back towards Sandbach, Cat was doing a good job rounding up the back end of the Hash and admitted that she was enjoying her first stab at trail-laying. However just as we were thinking that we were in for an easy trip back into town the trail went left past some cottages, a man from one cottage came out to complain that we had woken up his children - we all rushed down the path onto the old disused railway line (the Salt Line) and left Roger apologising to him.

Off the Salt Line and under the bridge we were confronted by more mud - was Roger making a late bid for ‘The Plank’ award again? But no, it wasn’t too bad after all and we were soon back on yet another lane and heading in roughly the right direction for home. The last check and it was into the field by the farmyard - a well known quagmire - there were lots of groans and squawks as people staggered about, I decided that a short detour along the lane and then over the fence further up the field might be worth while, and it was.

As we eventually emerged from the undergrowth onto the road we were greeted by Roger insisting that we take great care in crossing the main road yet again and getting to safety in the car park.

The George had been selected as the hostelry - Cat and Roger (I suspect encouraged by Cat) had organised a veritable feast of sandwiches and assorted nibbles , much appreciated by all.
Many thanks to both, and I don’t think you’ll get ‘The Plank’

Tuesday 4th December

A report tonight from Ken as I was off with the Walkers

Farmers Arms, Kelsall. – 2 Daves.

Since Victor rated my recent trail as ‘average’ (high praise indeed!), I thought I would reciprocate with a view on this 2-Daves effort which was ‘quite good’. Usual diarist Max was out with the walkers due to crocking himself on a safety exercise at work.

The evening was incredibly mild with the sky starless and bible black as we started with a stiff climb up the hill to Kings Gate. There was speculation as to what was in the rucksack that John Moorhouse was wearing – rocks?, beer?, his butties? After toying with the Sandstone Trail for a while it was into Primrose Hill Woods from which we didn’t emerge for several hours. Martin Burke who owns a wood burning stove was seen eyeing up a stack of recently felled logs. I noticed that they were labelled up for use by BT, presumably for trunk calls.

The thing about forest trails is that they can become a bit samey. Someone pointed out that since we visited some of the checks more than once, parts were actually the same. Eventually we re-surfaced at Gresty’s Waste where some wimps (me included) baled out in the direction of the pub missing out one last hill. The Pub was soon packed with thirsty runners tucking into the Black Sheep from a good selection of beers. Normally a Hash favourite this pint was below par, so I opted for the Moorhouses which was excellent. I don’t know how John finds the time to brew it.

Apologised to Cat on the way out for missing her maiden trail next week, She should be ok though, after all she has got Roger to help her!

Tuesday 27th November

Nicki set the trail with Cliff from the Romping Donkey - a very nice pub near Sandbach. It got even nicer after the trail when we found many nice beers along the bar - Bombardier,Abbot, Black Sheep, Deuchars.

However back to the trail - Numbers were back up a bit this week - about 44 including the 4 footed variety and we were delayed for a short while at the start as Cliff had gon round the trail to check that all was intact - glutton for punishment or what? There was promise of road and field, tarmac and mud to whet our appetites but fortunately the evening was mild and dry. Off we went and I started my trend for the night which was to get the trail wrong. Off I went with Paul Jackson and John Richardson along the banks of the reiver but unfortunately we were wrong - fortunately cliff was waiting for our return and we caught up at the next check.

We were taken through various fields until we passed underneath the M6 to view the other side and run through extra slippy cow muck before making our way along, what would be in summer, very pretty footpaths followed by some long distance bridle way and back to the pub for refreshment.

Much mirth was generated by the late arrival of Roger T - but for the reason for that you will have to look back through the report archive.

Tuesday 20th November

Tonight saw Tony White's first trail as main setter and designer and on a bitter Sunday morning I helped him lay out the trail. Apart from suggesting the first check with the main A56 could be dumped and finding a few new check points he hadn't noticed - the trail remained as he created it

The trail can be found at Map My Run http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/warrington/437518697

There were only 36 including walkers(3) Cyclists(2)and dogs(2). The Cyclists Dave and Sid - both suffering leg problems- cycled from Knutsford over to the pub and then went off to Dutton and back with John S kindly transporting them and their bakes back to Knutsford after.For the rest of us however there was the benefit of an improvement over the weekend - no wind - so it was fairly mild and the rain held off nearly all the way round

As you can see from the map the trail was fairly compact and came close to meeting itself in sevaral places but all returned successfully to base and some beer.

Tuesday 13th November

Not a lot of report from me on Rob's trail from the Whipping Stocks. The pack was good and prompt, the weather was kind but cold and I very slightly pulled my Achilles after setting out well for the first ¾ of a mile. So rather than risk it I trundled back to the pub where I sat in front of a blazing log fire drinking Sam Smiths Old Brewery until the pack got back at Ten past Nine. Ah well some of us do suffer trials and tribulations....

Tuesday 6th November

A little behind-hand for this report on the excellent trail from the Bull at Hale Barns

As is almost a tradition with the hash Nick and Heather set for the trail nearest to Bonfire night and this was into an area we have not covered for a while. The Bull is a fine big pub just off from the centre of Halbarns and situated near plenty of routes - many of which appear to be near exceedingly large very posh houses. Some of the back streets were broader than the main road!

We started off along the road towards the M56 before making a sudden break across the Golf course from which we could see the continuing firework displays carried over from Bonfire night This followed with us heading towards Wellgreen before cutting back into the houses snd into a secluded footpath. After this we headed in the general direction of Ashley and round in a clockwise direction before we approached the pub from the South for the run in.

Certainly up to their usual standards and a pub with more than enough room for the hash.

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Tuesday 30th October

John Richardson and Peter R took us from the Ship at Styal - a fairly posh area near Manchester Airport. The claim was that the trail was 6 miles and 32 checks but the after trail feeling was that the SatNav lied due to tree cover in a lot of the areas.

We made our way into the Parkland around the Styal Cotton Mill where there were plentiful routes with mud, cobbles and as we found on our way round - hundreds of steps up and down. This resulted in our running in at nearly 9:30 instead of the usual 9:15 - valuable drinking time, However it was otherwise a good trail and built the required thirst

Tuesday 23rd October

Roger P had had a little problem sorting out a pub for this trail. His first choice was the Pickering Arms in Thelwall - good car park - small pub - but also a quiz night and the Hash and quizzes don't mix. The second choice was the Rams Head in Grappenhall - closed for refurbishment and as the parking at the Parr Arms depended on the car park at the back of the Rams Head this became a no-no. The final choice became the Grappenhall Youth and Community Centre, The Bellhouse Club - and the Manager and his lady wife had no problems about a return of the hash to drink their beer after our trail

So - ably assisted by Simon W and his offspring we headed on a chill evening - nearly full moon -out with a little loop out of the park and up the A50 before picking up the footpath through to Massey Brook. A swift burst along the Bridgewater canal took us to Deans Lane and down into Thelwall where Roger took us into a trundle along the Manchester Ship towards Lymm before looping us back down to Thelwall again along the same path. where he put in a slight false diversion towards the Ferry across the Canal.

After some more use of the Bridgewate it was back to the Club for some well earned beer.

Tuesday 16th October

Tonight's trail was from Nothwich and was set by Ken. Another fine night we set off from the car park by Lidl and went out into the newly pthed area of what was once reclaimed land. Tonight for some reason I was feeling well even though I was driving and therefore not able to partake of the remarkably cheap beer in the Penny Black - a big berrhall of a JD Weatherspoons.

I found I was able to run up hills and not stagger along for 5 minutes afterwards. This was strangely improved by Heather telling me that our wayfaring at the Hash weekend had led us on a Sunday morning run that was a smidgin short of 10 miles rather than the 8 I had felt we had staggered through.

However briefly back to the trail as we had an excellent turnout with Hilary making a third appearance in as many weeks after a long spell away from the Cheshire

Hash Weekend October 13-14th

Oswestry for the third time in a row and the trails set are still a joy to run. The countryside is stunning around here - the footpaths excellent - except the brambles that savaged my thigh.

Day 1

Nick and Heather set us off on a slightly overcast but dry and warmish Saturday afternoon from just up the A5 from Oswestry - a place near Saint Martins.
We parked up next to a snooker hall and off we went. During the early part of the trail we had to walk a bit due to several fields of quite large and quite frisky horses - A livery stable we think.

A canter was then broken into and we passed many pretty sights and a patch of HUGE pumpkins being fattened up for Halloween I suppose. A lot of doubling back and forth was carried out but eventually we ran in after an excellent and interesting trail and then back for a shower many pints and then the dinner (interrupted by hashers vanishing for Rugby updates - France lost by the way....

Allan then described the team set up for the following mornings hangover wayfaring. This involved 3 teams of 4 runners, 1 team of 1 cyclist and 3 teams of 4 walkers.

Day 2

The next morning off we set towards Shrewsbury with map in hand while heather and I roughly divided the ponts into 2 by means of a e-w meridien. Paul J and David L were given the Northern sector and H and I took the south heavy legged and brain dead

It was another grand morning and while H took the map I had control of the pen - important as the maps were printed onto wtaerproof map paper so special ink was needed. We found the first clue easily and also the second. The third 'what were the colour of the two pins at this position' was harder for two reasons.

1. there were many photos of lost cats pinned up all round
2. we were chatting and ran past the gate where Allan had sneakily stuck a black and red drawing pin

Back to the laybye to find our other pair waitng and back to Oswestry and Allan before the deadline expired. - see the following link for results Wayfarer results

Tuesday 9th October

Hardly any report from me as I was suffering the after effects of the dreaded sore throat and temperature going around. As a result I partook of the walk and as I was chatting with Allan most of the way I had no idea where I went. Same as a hash really but slower and shorter.

Tuesday 2nd October

Little did I know the contretemps that would ensue on the hash when I volunteered to help Mr H set the trail on the previous Saturday. Martin had navigated most of the area but had, wisely, brought some clippers in case of brambles - a flame thrower may have been more appropriate in places.

Off we went to the peaceful country sounds of high performance motorbikes at Oulton Park so birdsong Nil. It was however quite bright as we got under way at about 10:20. The setting started well but at the 4th check the finger post was in much better state than the gate but we continued on - it would keep the hash together! We had other unfortunate places - such as the roped up metal gate - which was the footpath entrance - with the electric fence behind it.pdf of map It was on.
A little loop Martin put in had the only animals on the route - two ponies looking interested in what we were doing. We then spent 5 minutes knocking on the doors of the farm and two cottages to say about the hash but no-one was home.

And later the valiant efforts to 1. find the two routes out of one stile (We took the logically simple option and kept to the hedge as even the 1 in 25000 didn't clarify the location.)
and 2. At the next check point we found that we needed to lay about with Elder switches to take down the nettles leading to and at the stile out - we abandoned the off as we would have been there all day

After nearly 4 hours out we staggered into the bar and enjoyed a little Weetwood Blond in front of the South Africa / Canada match.

To the hash itself - 47 in total of which 5 were walkers and 3 were dogs.
Hilary made a welcome return to the Tuesday hash and acquitted herself well. But during the trail all sorts of things happened.

While I was back marking and trundling across a ploughed field (It had been ploughed about an hour before Martin set across it) I noticed a horse box at the side of the road. When I asked others later it seemed that a woman was out looking for a missing pony - We had seen no animals in any field up til then. A little later after Marting cut out the loop where we had seen ponies on Saturday we met a man in a car who complained that we shouldn't be out running at night and in his opinion we must have been trespassing. Peter R mentioned associations with Rights of Way specialists and he drive off muttering.

A little later - where we had previously had to clear back nettles and brambles we met a woman and man who complained unceasingly that we shouldn't be running around in the dark - we had been careening around off the footpaths - we had disturbed her hrses and would give them colic - (remember there were NO animals in any field that the bulk of the hash had been through - the previously noted field had had two hashers checking round it) - and although Peter was placatory they were fairly threatening about the welcome we would get if we came back.

I may be paranoid but with the next event I was beginning to think that there was a phone network in action. We had crossed out of this path and were making our way to the last check when a Land Rover came careening round the corner and the driver then harranged the bulk of the hash. Martin at this point decided that to keep the hash together and back to the pub was better than exposing any stragglers to abuse and we ran in. There had been some talk that a shotgun was visible on one of these events.

Finally - when we got back we found that our five lady walkers - who had done a 3 miler strictly on road - had been approached several times askig what they were doing and where they had been - and even told that they were not allowed to walk on roads at night. Very Roy 'Chubby' Brown (or as he was christened - Royston Vasey)

And the hash - everyone enjoyed it - the pub was excellent - the landlady charming - and the beer and the proper chips very very good. And eveyone had something to talk about.

The post script to this was good too.
Thursday morning I was at home - poorly throat - when the phone rang. It was a gentleman from the county council - The rights of way officer who enquired if I was part of the Cheshire Hash. On admitting said status he said that he had been phoned by an irate farmer from near Eaton and that (paraphrased here) people had been seen running across footpaths at night and that they should be prevented from doing so as he was sure we had no right to do so and we probably disturbed the animals.

The RoW officer had said that he had had to disabuse the farmer as anyone had the right to use a public right of way footpath at any time - on foot - even at, say, 2:30 in the morning and could not be prevented from doing so. (Trespass is a different matter). I thanked him for his information and enquired as to the rights and duties of parties in maintaining footpaths. It appears that the landowner has a duty to maintain footpath access points on their land and that any accidents cause by, for instance, a damaged stile or animals harming reasonable footpath users would be claimable. It is the Council duty to ensure that the footpath network is kept viable - see the Cheshire county Council website Cheshire CC for the correct fuller details

While I was on I reported the problem accesses on the trail and the uncertainty with the route of the footpath where it split. I said what we had done and he concurred that where the waymarking was inadequate or missing then taking the best guess option on the maps to hand was a reasonable choice. He then gave me a bit of information that I thought was fantastic. The Cheshire County council website has

• An excel spreadsheet of the start and end point with OS references of the Definitive RoW
• There is an online map where you can display said footpaths, RUPPs, bridleways and adopted Roads showing the FP numbers
• Zooming in allows you to see where the paths run to about 1 in 5000. The above splitting footpath is actually in the middle of the field.pdf of field
• You can even overlay aerial photos to see what they look like in real.
• There is a webform to report public footpath problems.(not footways or pavements that is another form)

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Tuesday 25th September

Colin and Peter have , over the past couple of years, perfected their signature trail laying skills - Mostly from the Harrington Arms at Gawesworth. Tonight was a return to their standard - after their last effort where no-one got lost and there was only a boring procession of hashers running in from the same direction with the hares among them - tonight was back to the hash milling about in the middle of a field surrounded by cattle while trying to work out where the stile was to get out. This turned out to be two fields away - after going calf deep (for the taller hashers) through what we north-easterners call deep clarts™ ©

As usual the cattle were very interested in a herd of 30 people galloping across what was until then for them a very boring field. From the hashers point of view there is always something alarming about 20 odd tonne of livestock appearing through the light of the full moon to take a closer look.

Having got out of the field there were three problems 1. The hares had disappeared - 2. There were a distinct lack of markings - charitably assumed to have been obliterated by the previous nights pouring rain - and 3. Bridget, who knows the area extremely well, had gone off a different way. After wrong checking it was worked out the general direction (Gawesworth Church steeple being visible) and the hash (or my bit) navigated themselves back to the pub.

I had mistakenly assumed that we were almost last in but bodies kept appearing from the darkness for the next 15 minutes.

Interesting and squelchy.

A small notelet from Dave L

Peter & Colin excelled expectations last night and I think should be given a lifetime achievement award for disfunctional hashes. Itwas everything that we had dreaded and more.
I wasn't aware that there was a global shortage of toilet tissue - I understand it is the Chinese who have cornered the market.

And from the OnOnSec some words of wisdom

THE HARRINGTON ARMS 25TH September 2007

Another trail by the Bodimeade/Horner duo - and we were not disappointed, it was well up to their usual standard! BOTH hares having disappeared by the time most of the hash had become lost in the middle of a field full of hyperactive cattle.

The Harrington Arms is now under new management - major work is obviously going to be undertaken - the scaffolding is up and someone has been having a bit of a go at the internal wiring, but otherwise it remains the same. Mrs Bailey is missing as she now resides in the churchyard just down the road.

Colin and Peter greeted the assembled masses and gave instructions for the evening including the fact that they had laid an additional loop of about 1 mile for the keen front runners. Of course no one was listening properly so everyone was a bit vague about what and where this alternate trail was going to happen. Not long after we had set off (about the third check) the On-On was through the local quarry gates and down the side of the quarry into the first of the quagmires. It was at this point that several hashers disappeared off in the other direction not to be seen again until much later in the pub. Having negotiated several more 'quaggy' fields and crossed Dark Lane we headed off for a long trot along Gawsworth Road towards Macclesfield complete with the fast cars as promised and to the point where the trail split.

As no one seemed to find the checks Peter instructed those who had returned from their abortive trip further along Gawsworth Road to go on that way, then right along Penningtons Lane, right at Congleton Road and then they would be back with the rest of us. Wrong, the extra loop was about 2 miles so they were not seen again until they managed to find their way back to the pub. At about 2 minutes to 9 Tony asked if we would be back at the pub by 9 o'clock - not even if you can run faster than Asafa Powell came the reply.

By now Colin had disappeared off the back, allegedly looking for lost hashers, while Peter continued to cajole and guide the rest of us back to base. Unfortunately he made a slight navigational error and managed to send most of us into the field for a 'short loop' while he, Bridget, Danny the Dog and one or two others continued along the lane expecting the rest of us to appear again in a few hundred yards.
We were in the wrong field along with a now rather agitated herd of cattle who were intent on getting us out of their field, lots of shouting and assorted screams seemed to hype them up even more. Progress was slowed by the boggy nature of the ground and the fact that no one seemed able to find the stile to get out of the field. Once the stile had been located, checking began once again but of course nothing was found as we were where we should not have been. Luckily we had Alan Wardle (almost a local) with us and he decided that the way back to the pub was left and he guided us back in the direction of the village.

Eventually everyone (at least we think so) reappeared back at the pub including both hares. David Taylor was heard to greet several of the hash, asking if they had been out running as he had not seen them on his trail - he had managed to get lost at the third check and had run around for the best part of 90 minutes without finding anyone else.

These two setters may have to be banned from the 'Plank of Wood' award - they are getting too good!!!!

Tuesday 18th September

A report from one who fulfils a role of both Pilot and Rear Gunner for the trail - El Presidente

Marbury Country Park – 18.09.07

“The forecast’s not good for later on Sunday.” Said Tony (White).
“Shall we do it Saturday morning then?” I replied.

So we did.  Saturday morning, there we were, equipped with loo roll and chalk, mixing amongst all the dog walkers with their shovels in Marbury Country Park, about to set off trail laying.  Tony hasn’t done this before, so I’m giving all the positive verbals as we wander to the start line – where we find, the big gate that opens to the now grassed over main drive to the old demolished house is now very firmly padlocked!!   A crisis, before we’ve even started!!  Nothing for it, but to climb over the fence at the side of the gate and hope things improve.  Now on Saturday there were only the two of us.  On Tuesday night there were 47 of us struggling over this bloody fence, so the pack was strung out before we’d reached the first check.  Not a propitious opening.

In fact, with Tony steering the front, and me minding the back, the hares seemed to correctly find the first 8 checks, and we didn’t all gather together until we entered that centre of cultural excellence known as Barnton. 

From there we trundled down on to the Trent & Mersey Canal, and then went right down to the much larger Weaver Navigation.  Now I’ve never hashed this bit of country before.  Although it’s probably at least 15 years since I researched the hashing possibilities, and found the footpaths on the map, impassable on the ground.  However, a recent pleasant stroll down the Trent & Mersey with my wife revealed that what was blocked is now unblocked.  That reminds me, I must get a plumber to come and sort that occasionally overflowing cistern.

So, this bit of tonight’s epic was new to me, and seemingly to many others.  There was a little piece of cartographic confusion where straight was called on down the side of the Weaver, at the same time as Rob Baddeley correctly called on left away from the canal and up the hill!  This faux pas seemed to be caused by some confusion between the two Davids (Lever and Taylor) who were at the sharp end at the time.  Neither actually admitted responsibility for the bogus “On On”, but what an opportunity this navigational dysfunction gave to your scribe to engage in one of his favourite Hashing activities, namely bellowing continuously at 105 decibels at his hashing colleagues.  The excuse being they were not doing what they should have been.  You wouldn’t get away with that at school anymore!

Anyway, the wrong ones were recovered, and eventually all were safely returned to base.  Mr Hack seemed to have an excellent evening battling with the trail, commenting to me afterwards, “ When I choose a road, you’d chosen the canal.  Then I’d choose the canal, and we’d be on the bloody road!”  He wasn’t alone.  But all the extra sweat was well worth it, when you find your chosen pub serves real ale at £1.62 a pint!  So you could have 3 pints and 14p change!  Not that change was allowed, as a blizzard of crisp packets swept through the pub about 10 p.m. 

So a good night seemed to be had by most.  The map link is as follows, and calories consumed were 1,089. http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/marbury/534763496

Tuesday 11th September

This was Steve A (Alias Carthief)'s trail in Delamere. He marked it with copious amounts of flour in an eco-friendly way but in the style of 'forin' hashes.

He carefully gathered us together and explained the marks - 4 blobs for on big flour circle for check - CB7 meaning checkback 7 - and just before we started with a remark from Eleanor 'What was that - I wasn't listening!' the trail got underway with Dave Arthur striking first gold. Come the second check I twisted my knee and that was the end of the trail for me till all returned about 9:15

So here follows a report from Eleanor who was obviously paying attention during the trail.

'A Mother's Tale'.

When my daughter suggested she should come hashing with me, after a four year absence from any sort of running, I was initially cautious.  'Running's hard work, you know, Nicola, and trying to run 6 miles without any training isn't a good idea, you need to build up to it slowly'.  Her younger brother also didn't think it was a good idea.  'She just likes the idea of hashing, she won't like the reality.  She'll be in tears within two miles, you know what she's like, and she'll whinge the whole way round'.

But then I looked on the website and realised the hash was in Delamere Forest and thought that will be fine for her: nice gentle running on soft pine needles; lots of checks (there are always lots of checks on hashes in Delamere Forest); and the car never far away if she gets tired.  'Anyway' she said, to reassure me, 'I ran to the blue bridge and back last week' (which is exactly one mile) 'and Delamere Forest is flat, isn't it?'

And so we arrived at Barnbridge Gates, with Ken, Nicola's boyfriend Mike, and of course Milly, in tow. I knew that I'd need to keep a close eye on both Milly and Nicola, but Mike was an unknown quantity.

At the massed start Steve explained that this wasn't a normal hash: he had distributed 2000kg of desiccated coconut around the route using an obscure set of symbols only known to the indigenous tribes of Papua New Guinea, which involved various spots, crosses, lines and dodecahedrons.  Unfortunately I wasn't listening when he explained all this (sorry Steve but we girls do need to catch up on the gossip) so I may have misrepresented some of the details here, apologies.

And we were off, and that was the last Nicola and I saw of boyfriend Mike ' who rather unwisely sprinted off with Rob Stephenson, Dave Taylor, Nicky et al, not to be seen again till we returned to the car park an hour and a half later.  Clearly I needn't have worried about Mike's running ability but unfortunately his failure to appear again did worry Nicola, who spent the next hour in as state of intense anxiety on the basis that he had clearly been abducted by the wicked witch and was being fattened up somewhere in a little house in the middle of the forest with only the witch (and of course Hansel and Gretel) for company. Editors Note - Definately Gretel - As Brian Glover's previous version of a hash name was before he became Grutel - he got lost in Delamere with another hasher from Wirral and Chester Hash so they were named Hansel and Gretel

As for Nicola, well the hash started perfectly for a beginner.  Three miles of running without a stop!   And all uphill, of course - very flat, Delamere Forest is, NOT.   She bounced along for the first mile; we lost contact with the back of the hash in the second mile; and in the third mile, she resorted to twenty paces walking then twenty paces running.  At one stage we saw the walkers, and Nicola was just about to suggest she abandoned and joined them, when she remembered the mockery of her younger brother, and realised that her credibility would be at stake if she aborted now.  So she bravely continued, encouraged by her mother's favourite Positive Mental Attitude quotes.  Come on Nicola, remember, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.  Pain is temporary, quitting is forever.  Come on now, we're going uphill, let's try fairy steps.  Don't worry the pack will be just round the next bend.  Come on Nicola, remember, it's all about mind over matter.  And so on.

And to her credit she kept going - and sure enough, as I had promised her there would be, there was the hash just round the corner.  The next three miles were much easier, with lots more stops, gentle banter and even serious conversation, and the magical experience of the forest at night, the trees bathed in moonlight, owls hooting in the distance, and that fragrant smell of pine.

Half an hour later, just as Nicola thought she couldn't go any further, with her legs feeling heavier and her spirit failing - there was that sight that welcomes weary hashers the world over - the lights of the car park, and the knowledge that the pub is not that far away.  And of course, the joyful reunion with the boyfriend, who had somehow survived his abduction by the witch, and even more surprisingly had survived the much more traumatic experience of running off the front of the hash in such exalted company.  Indeed he even said he had enjoyed himself and would come again.

And finally, for Nicola and Mike then came the final lesson of the hash: that after the pain comes the pleasure, and the satisfaction of knowing that the drinks and the crisps at the Royal Abbey Arms were indeed VERY well deserved.

Tuesday 4th September

A delayed report on John Seymour and Mike Eden's hash from the Dog

This was another excellent evening and effectively the last trail of the year you could get round with minimal turning on of a torch
We were graced by the presence of the landlord who had been persuaded that this would be excellent training for his entry for the Great North run and that we would pass over the remains of the kitty for his charity fund - East Cheshire Hospice.

For a change we turned right out of the pub car park - A lot easier than Rob S's trail previously as there were no longer any road works - under the view of the pub clientele who still need a ciggie fix and so were at the outside tables. The trail was also the last one for a while for Rachel who has womanfully continued hashing through the first two trimesters but felt that the passenger was getting a bit of a burden

Even though she did what I did towards the end and tripped on a big hole in a field she came to no harm - just as well as how she would have explained 'I was alright when I limboed under the electric fence and then climbed over the gate and a fence and ran the other five and a half miles!' Good luck in January!

However we all returned to the pub in fine fettle where alcohol and crisps were forthcoming and the trail was celebrated

TOP

Tuesday 28th August

For Brian Glover and Myself tonight was the start of a tri-hashlon. As you can see from the name probably a stupid idea even for two such athletes as ourselves.

Apart from running out with Cheshire on a weekly basis - during the summer we go out with the monthly - last Wednesday - Warrington Wednesday Hash. But Mike Eden had mentioned that some Amancil (Portugal) hashers were coming over to have a hash in Hoylake for the mother of one of their number as she had turned 100. This was to take place at 9:30 on the Wednesday morning.

So off we went with Daniel's gentle Bollington warm-up. 5.5 miles but plenty of up and down. He had had to set it so he could bike it as his Achilles is still giving him gyp. After a small lead out from the Vale we set off along the byways of Bollington - some of it bringing back painful memories to El Presidente as we passes the place he came a cropper a while ago.

Daniel and Andy - giving another fine assist - set us a challenge with cheeky little loops back to not quite cross earlier parts of the trail. They also decided to just brush close to White Nancy without reaching the top but there was a small revolt led by Dave A who demanded that they go to the top. Others of the pack however used the argument that it was not on trail to continue on and allow the hillmen to get their fix (Brian G among them as he had not been to the top before)

The trail then dropped down to pick up the canal and then along the Viaduct over the town to see the welcome On-In markings where we dropped down to the cars.
Excellent Trail

The next morning Brian kindly picked me up at 8:15 for our trip to Hoylake. Although we left in bright sunshine the Wirral was dull , overcast and with a chill wind coming off the estuary. We were greeted by a man with a pole sticking out the top of his car - A BBC Radio Merseyside reporter come to interview the birthday star. However for some reason he was convinced that the trail was set in flowers rather than flour.

My aching knees got me round to the beerstop and then back to the start for the down-downs - interesting chalk markings and a good turn-out of over 30.

The third trail of the day was from the Red Lion at Moore set by Hilary and took place on the best part of the day. The evening was bright, sunny and warm and although she was setting close to 6 miles she did a stitch - up to shorten it when we met the field with bullocks and a large bull. Sid and AP - who had red t shirts had reached the other end of the field by the time the rest of the hash reached the footpath bear the Ring-oBells at Daresbury. At that point two very frisky beasts galloped up to see what we were after and with a bit of arm waving from the rest of us Hilary chased them back. Then we were noticed by the bull. Fairly big he was - though even small bulls are a bit weighty and as he was picking up to a quick amble we decided it would be better to go round and meet the other two at the other side.

This broke a bit of trail but Hilary moved us through the woods near the labs until we mended the loop. Another good trail and excellent beer (nice Corned beef hash as well).

So three hashes in 24 hrs followed by a couple of days of oooh ouch bugger-it whenever I tried to get up from sitting down.

Tuesday 21st August

For tonight we were treated to a trail from the Leigh Arms at Acton Bridge by Roy and Derek. There were 55 runners and walkers and 4 dogs on trail. Helen S had managed to coincide with the off and Alison made her second appearance - it gets to be a habit..

Though I for one didn't know where the trail went as I checked wrong on the first and coming back through the car park I saw Mike and Pam lying under their car. It couldn't have ben that bad surely. But no. Mike had managed to drop his key behind his front wheel and was trying to find it. Unfortunately it wasn't one of these metal key things but one of the electronic gubbins's and i think he said - grey.

So I stopped briefly to help furtle about with my apelike appendages - groping around the steering rack and stuff but no joy. Off I went after the pack who were out of sight.

Aha I thought - I'll leg it down the side of the river - where I thought they had gone and if I had it slightly wrong I would go up to the footbridges and then cut up to the canal - because they were BOUND to go along that. Completely wrong.

As a result I ended up at Dutton area and had a jolly little trail of about 4 miles by myself before I got back at about 8:50. Fortunately I was driving so I could get changed. Unfortunately I was driving so the extra time was spent making my one pint of Hartleys (excellent) last a Loooong time.

The young ladies were primed so that about 9:15 they had pulled 20 pints of Robbies - for the thirsty hashers.

As to Mike and Pam they found the hash and Brooke had managed to retrieve the key from where it has hidden in the steering gear.

And one from Allan

Leigh Arms, Acton Bridge –21.08.07

Tonight was the 13th time the Hash has visited the Leigh Arms at Acton Bridge, so by now you’d have thought that, we’d know how to get there.  Well, dear reader, you’d be wrong!  Much discussion occurred within our little car school about the best route.  I was for the Motorway route, whilst others insisted that was the longest route.  It probably is in miles, but it’s not in minutes. So a true British compromise was agreed.  Out one way, back the other, and we’d time each route.  Except of course, once we’d each had a couple of scoops, which led to some animated homeward bound conversation, none of us bothered to clock watch on the way back. So no doubt in a few months, we’ll be having the same conversation as we wend our way back to Acton Bridge.

In charge of the steering tonight were Roy and Derek, whose lastmasterpiece was in February from Hatton, where a modest contretemps with a local farmer, made an initially planned long trail, eventually suitable for a Marine training run, as the local artisan insisted where Roy & Derek were taking us was not a public right of way.  So a bit of fresh planning on the hoof so to speak had to be carried out.  The following link is my best guess at the route the pack actually ended up doing, and it can be no more than a guess, as I was one of a few that did a bit of a short cut towards the end! This one is a bit long!
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/hatton/629231939

But tonight, all was wonderful!  There was a seven-way check in the pub car park at the start, which didn’t get us off to a speedy start. But after that everything seemed to work fine, except for the Webmeister who seems to have tried to check all these initial 7 options, and not found anything!

Roy and Derek included some long cross country bits, but hell, I need the work.  There we were back at the pub by 9.15, just as the many walkers also returned.  Excellent logistics.  Karen’s Mum and Dad returned as promised for their 3rd appearance, and apparently, they are not returning to Spain until next month, so further visits are planned.  Karen was absent, and her daughter Libby said her Mum was still on holiday in Minorca.  Indeed, one or two regulars were absent.  The Thistletons were still boating off Abersoch, Rob Stephenson was away at some unspecified holiday haunt and Tony Ellis was away on Granddad duty!  Apparently, when his grand children are visiting he’s not allowed out to play!  So he missed an opportunity to close the gap in “the mostest runner” stakes on Nick to 7, whilst allowing Tony Higgins to slip one closer to him.  Tony is now only 13 behind Tony!

Even after allowing for all these absence notes, 59 ticks went into the book.  This is the second highest attendance ever, after Roger Turner’s Barbecue Hash of last summer, when a mighty 65 names went in the book.  Clearly, the Hash had forgiven Roy and Derek for the Hatton Arms run, or more likely they had forgotten all about it.

Next week’s trail might be interesting.  Daniel O’Brien is at the controls.  He hasn’t been hashing since early May, and I think the Webmeister reckoned that Daniels’s dodgy Achilles, remains sufficiently dodgy that he can’t run.  Apparently, Daniel is going to set the trail using his mountain bike!   Another Cheshire Hash first?

Tonight’s trail was as follows,
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/acton-bridge/1053746224
and Calorie Man reckons he burned off 990 calories.  At the Hatton Arms he consumed 1,336!

And a mail from Paul Fairbrother in the antipodes or away with the Kiwis

YET ANOTHER FANTASTIC BEER INJUICED EVENING WITH THE MENS HASH IN WELLINGTON. JOKES, THE CIRCLES AND VAST AMOUNTS OF LIQUID REFRESHMENTS MADE THIS YET ANOTHER ENJOYABLE EVENING. FINES FROM THE FLOOR, SEVERAL DOWN DOWNS AND PRICK OF THE WEEK ADD TO THE BONUS. I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING THE CHESHIRE HASH PARTY AT THE INTERHASH IN PERTH AND SHARING THESE EXPERIENCES. I PLAN TO RETURN TO THE UK FOR A BREIF 4 WEEK BREAK IN JUNE 2008. ON ON CHESHIRE HASH MANY REGARDS
PAULJAM33@HOTMAIL.COM PAUL FAIRBROTHER

Tuesday 14th August

The first sighting of the torch tonight as it was slightly overcast towards the end of the trail and John S was seen to light up. on the last downhill stretch

Allan was very quick off the mark with this report so here goes

Castle Inn, Congleton - 14.08.07

'We'll pick you up about five to seven' said Nick. 'Five to seven' I exclaimed, 'We'll be very early at the pub!' 'Ah, it's all to do with the car parking' replied Nick, as he hung up the phone and returned to his evening butty. And early we were. It was only 20 past 7 when we rolled into the Castle Inn car park. But we weren't the first. Roy Kemsley was quietly dozing in his motor, whilst Cliff was quietly dictating/phoning in his car, with his steering wheel covered with what looked like closely typed work type paperwork.

The parking problem the On Sec explained was to do with the pubs quiz night.Apparently, after lengthy negotiation and a quick consult with the Arbitration Service, it was agreed between the landlord and Heather, that the Hash could use the pubs lower car park, whilst the quizzers could have the upper one. Our surplus cars could then park on Honest John's never knowingly under priced second hand car sales forecourt opposite the boozer. The On Sec did traffic warden type duties at the car park entrance, a good job really, because one or two Hashers commented that it would have been very easy to drive past the Castle Inn as it is set back off the main road.

It's very unusual for me to be able to observe Hash behaviour before the off, as I'm usually in a car that is one of the last to arrive. It's really quite interesting. As more cars arrive, the Hashers who were all ready to run seemed initially to be virtually oblivious of their late arriving colleagues. When they did notice them, then much well intentioned arm waving and verbal guidance was given, to those who inevitably are now faced with the problem of getting their BMW 5 series in a parking space only really suitable for a Ford Ka. Comments along the lines of 'God, that car looks abandoned not parked' don't always help the now rather harassed late arrival get themselves sorted before the evening's festivities. The Castle Inn is south east of Congleton, and virtually everyone had to travel some distance to get there. Steve Argles and Ian Blakeborough both arrived from the western fringes of Cheshire, which is a good effort particularly as they spent most of their time getting their feet s****y, whilst running in Staffordshire! Libby McGibbon and Jenny Worth discovered it takes less time to Eurostar from London to Paris, than it takes to Clio from Marple Bridge to Congleton, via Hazel Grove, Poynton, Prestbury and Macclesfield.

I was told that before the off Roger Turner appeared looking like an Apiarist. I had to look that word up, and check the spelling was correct; to make sure that it was suitable for use in this report, as my knowledge of English hadn't previously stretched to include the Latin origin of the word for a beekeeper. Being a good Boy Scout, Roger clearly felt he should 'Be Prepared' for a possible repeat of last week's rather prickly evening. Before we set off Nick promised undulations, just under 6 miles, and a fair bit of road running towards the end. Apparently the proposed trail had had to be modified to avoid a completely overgrown public footpath which had been left covered a foot deep in slurry by the farmer, so that the trail layers felt even Martin would have baulked at wading through.

And so off and up we went, and effectively round in a big circle. This was not a trail with any obvious neat short cuts!
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/congleton/729325100
With the evening light now rapidly fading, and the weather threatening, some of the early parts of the trail that were along uphill footpaths surrounded by foliage were distinctly dismal. No one had brought a torch, but fortunately the later parts of our ordeal were all out in the open, and the rain that did fall landed on the pub car park whilst we were sweating a couple of miles away. Whilst scurrying along the edge of Biddulph Park, we were high enough to see all across the Cheshire Plain, except that we couldn't because of the precipitation. Messrs. Arthur, Wyatt and Moorhouse had an even better view of the nearly non existent view, because through a minor cartographic error, they found themselves right on top of the ridge looking down on their less navigationally challenged brethren. A quick mountain goat impression brought them back down to their colleagues.

A couple of weeks ago Paul Jackson had an unexpected encounter with a llama. This week, he's galloping along, suddenly sees a couple of his now favourite animals in a field on the right, communing with a giraffe! With the gloaming advancing, it took a stride or three for him to realise that the giraffe was wood, and not flesh and hide. None the less, it was a little surprising. Later on, someone reckoned they'd seen a hardwood lion and tiger in the field as well. A low maintenance zoo perhaps.

Eventually at a prompt 21.10 the sanctuary of the pub car park appeared out of the murk. One advantage of the bottom Castle pub car park was the availability of tables and chairs to change on. Having just hauled my trousers up whilst standing on the handy table, I suddenly discovered these strides were equipped with a posh belt, that they were most certainly not endowed with when I left base camp. Oops, it turned out I was warming Nick's trousers. In the dark, there'd been a fashion confusion.

Continuing the clothing these, it later turned out that Roger Pidcock and Tony Ellis, had managed to acquire white stripes across the seat of their trousers. Close inspection (an unpleasant thought), revealed that the stripes were paint. Apparently, they'd both sat on a windowsill of the pub before going for a drink. Why was not explained, but clearly the sill suffered from the lack of a 'Wet Paint' sign. Tony grilled the landlord about the problem, and extracted a promise of costs to meet any damages, and much more attractively a bottle of wine for himself and Roger. Oh, and he got a free dishcloth to put on the car seat before the drive home, to ensure the On Sec's Lexus remained in virginal condition. He must have made a significant profit on the evening.

Tuesday 7th August

Doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself. August already and closing in on the carrying of torches again.
This run was from David Lever and Rob Baddeley (Walk by Jenny L) from the White Barn at Cuddington. Another warm evening saw a biggish running pack and a substantial walking group again boosted by a big turn-out from Karen's family. Libby was running again with her mother but the others settled for walking

Off we went up the main road before swiftlyheading off down smaller roads. To Martin's disappointment it was substantially dry underfoot but plenty of off road to make up for it.

One particularly unexpected, and unwelcome, set of hash participants, however, was a swarm of bees/wasps which we ran through while tracking down a footpath - particularly unwelcome to Karen as she was stung on the ear and has a tendency to swell up in reaction. At one point the hash ground to a halt which resulted in Keith M being stung 13 times. Several others were also attacked resulting in the rough total of about 35 stings inflicted. Karen fortunately didn't react quite as much as she had feared.

This was an otherwise excellent trail in a reasonably located put but unfortunately with mostly rubbish beer

And from El Presidente

White Barn, Cuddington - 07.08.07

Recently, a few current and ex Hashers were gathered in a local hostelry for a quick tincture or two, and a thoroughly good evening was had by all. Afterwards, I worked out our main topics of conversation had been, how visiting grandchildren interfered with Hashing, the implications of an oncoming heart operation, the lack of enthusiasm for a stag night, and the benefits of government grants to be had when insulating our houses.

10 or 15 years ago, the main subjects, in no order of priority would have been women, football, the good business deals we'd recently done, and cars, in particular how much brake horse power one had at the disposal of one's right foot! Clearly, that insidious Latin bastard Anno Domini has had a serious effect on us. In a year or so, we'll probably be moaning about the rising price of Complan. One could get quite fed up, but then it's Tuesday night at the White Barn, and reality returns.

Karen's father had carried out his threat of last week, to come walking again, and at the end of the evening his wife came up to me to apologise for the fact that next week they have to give a pre-booked holiday priority over the Hash, but I wasn't too worry as they'd be back with us in a fortnight! She then asked if she and her husband could have a tick if they went walking next Tuesday. I explained that on occasions when groups of Cheshire Hashers have been away from base camp, one of them has set a proper trail on a Tuesday night that the others have then run, and given that enthusiasm, ticks have been awarded. 'Shame' she said, but went home out of the pub muttering something about the whole family being away together...... Now Karen, it's not my fault if your Mum has you tying loo roll on strange hedgerows on holiday.

And so to this evening's constitutional. Even before we arrived at the pub, I'd been E Mailed full details of the Lever/Baddeley route march, including mileage, number of checks, number of possible routes at the checks, and also the calorie count! By the end of the trail, further data collection was being suggested, but more of that in 6 miles time. The White Barn offers one of the best Hashing areas in Cheshire, with loads of paths both brown and tarmac, together with roads, housing estates, woodland, and the site of an unsolved murder. All of these possibilities were delivered tonight, and all no more than a mile from the pub. Early on the trail layers managed to get us running through the car park of the Blue Cap, the other well used Hash pub in the village. They even had a check at the entrance to the Blue Cap car park. Surprisingly, there was hardly a ripple of complaint about running past a nice pub without stopping. 10 or 15 years ago, there would have been vociferous moaning, but I suspect some of us now don't have any spare breath for whingeing.

A quick tour of Kennel Wood, and the new Jones (no relation) housing estate, brought us to the A49, and the very narrow footpath down to the western end of the Whitegate Way, which was an old railway line connecting Winsford to the Chester – Manchester line. Here we had problems. Initially, the speedsters checked correctly right, but couldn't find anything so did a quick 180, and tore off wrongly to the left. The rest of the pack arrived at the Whitegate Way, where Karen was stung by some unspecified insect. Apparently. Karen reacts badly to this type of assault, so her daughter Libby got quite anxious, but then was herself stung, so Karen was getting worried about Libby

So a whole group of worried Hashers gathered round the stricken pair, whence the local wildlife then couldn't believe its luck, and promptly started stinging all these unsuspecting stationary human targets, that had disturbed whatever activities they'd been happily engaged in. Keith Mabbott got caught between the Hashers actually on the Whitegate Way blocking his progress over the stile, and those rushing up behind who'd gone wrong at the previous check. He could do nothing as breakfast, lunch and dinner was made of his torso. In the car park afterwards, the Webmeister counted 13 stings on those parts of his anatomy that Keith was prepared to reveal. Roger Turner and the Webmeister both suggested a new 'Stinger' category for the Hash records. A provisional total of 35 was apparently reckoned to be a pretty accurate figure. This isn't a category that's going to be added to the records.

Eventually, the Hash progressed onwards, and a final loop was negotiated that apparently Rob B insisted on including as his main contribution to the route planning. The extra little bit meant the pub car park was reached at 10 past 9, after 5.95 miles according to Map My Run,
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/cuddington/697612847
or 6.06 miles according to Dave Lever, a discrepancy of less than 2%. An excellent trail, with nobody lost, and in the end those brought down by the insect world, seemed to have recovered sufficiently to have a drink before the journey home. Marin Burke was one of few folk not altogether impressed with the John Smiths ale being served, and I confess it's not my favourite beer. However, its quality didn't seem to interfere with the exercise of the right arm. Rubbish ale is better than none after 6 miles.

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Tuesday 31st July

Allans report from Jackson's Boat, Sale 31.07.07

Possibly inspired by last week's impromptu slip sliding activities in the Willy Moor Lock, Brian Burgess and Tony Higgins decided that this evening's festivities would be round Sale Water Park, starting from the Jackson's Boat pub. We ran from here at the end of January, but our two veteran trail layers made use of areas of the local environs that we didn't trample down some months ago, and didn't allow Dr. Arthur the opportunity to lead the Hash astray into any more unusual aquatic activities.

At the start, there seemed to be hundreds of runners scurrying around the muddy pub car park. In fact, it turned out there must have been at least three of four other groups doing their constitutionals up and down the Mersey, one lot being dressed in Army camouflage! Having said that, there still seemed to be a lot of unknown faces. It turned out that four of these new folk, were a Kathmandu Hasher on a one off visit, complete with his family and Mother in Law. By one of those strange co-incidences that Life occasionally produces, the trail went past the back garden of the house our visitor lived in for the first 18 years of his life!

In addition to this family, three of whom walked, Karen had brought not only daughter Libby, but husband Steve, dog Dylan, and her Mother and Father, the last two getting a few days relief from the 35+ degrees Centigrade that was melting the roof off their home in Spain. This family gathering with the exception of Karen and Libby all walked, boosting the number of walkers to what I suspect is a record number of 18! I also suspect that Karen's Dad at 82 may well be the oldest person to risk life and bank account associating with the Cheshire Hash. So appalled was he by this evening's activities, he's threatened to come next week!

Your scribe got castigated this evening, by one or three of those Hashers who had a gentle upbringing, for verbally assisting the trail layers in correcting the navigational confusion exercised by some of the front runners. Yes folks, I know I've a big mouth, but occasionally it does have a modestly practical purpose. And so round and round the Water Park we paddled, under bridges, over triple stiles with 18 inch high wooden panels presumably to keep the dreaded motor bikes out, then on round barbed wire ringed concrete blockhouses, with no apparent purpose, into rural cul de sacs, and eventually to everyone's complete surprise there was the bridge to the pub! And all by just before 9!

We were so much earlier than last week, that this evening some Hashers were off home having downed the regulation 4 units of alcohol saying to their colleagues, 'Cheers, see you next week!' at a time much earlier than they managed to get into the bar at the Willy Moor Lock 7 days ago! Nonetheless, Ian Blakeborough seems happy enough with last week's events, to have started preliminary planning on his next International foray.

Tonight's route is roughly as follows. I say roughly, as the satellite pictures of Sale Water Park were taken in the summer, when the trees had full foliage, so trail marking has had a wee bit of guesswork involved. http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/sale/674340565

Tuesday 24th July

Tonight saw my return to the running part of the hash having been off for sevearl weeks both on holiday and also due to trapped nerve affecting my arm. - <<i>just couldn't cope with the drinking . Well not really!

Tonight Ian promised a trail at the darkest regions of Cheshire - where it abuts Shropshire and Wales and not Stafordshire and Derbyshire. The pub was the Willey Moor Lock sat beside the Llangollen Canal where it coincides with the Sandstone trail about 3 miles to the North of Whitchurch - but still in Cheshire....

The hash was quite unusual - as most of the hashers felt uncertain of the road/traffic/weather and had set out early and there was a large proportion , including Roger T, who assembled 15 minutes before the off. As is the case in these months of holidays - the turnout was not at it's highest with 33 people and 4 4-footed hashers in attendance though Cat had made her way across as had Bridget from the Macc area.

After a brief intro - explaining that there was a muster - two unusual animals - and some trail marking with mini Welsh Flags - the trail went off across the lock past the pub and away across the fields as the sun burst out. It didn't make the underfoot any drier though.
Soon into the trail we came across unusual beast number one - a curious alpaca who was obviously interested in what was happening.

So far so good - we remained upright and travelling on and my back and shoulder felt comfortable in motion for the first time in 5 weeks. There were plenty of multiway checks to keep us together as the way got damper until we reached a row of flags hung between the trees where Ian had marked the entry into Wales. After a brief photo opportunity for John S we checked and offed across more fields towards a thicket where the trail slowed. An on-on from Carthief was found to lead us towards a quickly running ford fortunatelt the other 'correct' route was called which involved a small footbridge.

Soon after this we were directed to look at the other exotic 'animal' which was a sculpture on the lawn of a house of a boy/imp on the back of a crocodile (Peter Pan? tick-tock tick-tock)
Things then started to get muddier as we moved first along the canal and then when we thought it was going to be a simple run-in off upm through a filed where I proceded to sink up to my knees and Eleanor (who was laughing her socks off) and Brooke hauled me ot while I managed to retain my shoes.

Soon after we ran on-inn to the pub. Here, while I was contemplating cleaning my shoes in the canal lock overflow sluice, Dave A started a trend.

It appears he was cleaning himself off therein when he fell over and bodyslid all the way to the bottom part of the lock. Ian and Dave then went and repeated this much to everyones amusement to be followed by Dave's s-i-l and the Cat did the same. These were followed by others including Eleanor, Bridget and Cat again.

Slightly long for my unexecised body but an excellent trail good pub and a lot of laughing. Pity Martin missed it - especially as even though we were very early to the pub (7:20) we had got stuck behind a horsebox and a Combine Harvester.

Allan also has his broadcast

Willey Moor Lock, Nr.Whitchurch 24.07.07

• 'Where's Mr Hack tonight?' enquired Dave Taylor, 'He'd have loved all this muck and mayhem.'
• 'Mozambique!' replied the Webmeister, happily returned after a few weeks off with a pain in the neck. 'No! That's not right.' continued Max. 'He's gone to some island off South America.'
• 'The Falklands?' suggested Mr Taylor, not too seriously.
• 'No, it begins with an M.' said Max totally seriously.

Various suggestions were made, many of which are unsuitable for publication. Anyway, there was general agreement that tonight's Hash offering involving three counties and two countries, would indeed have been greeted with enormous enthusiasm by the absent Mr Hack, particularly as it wouldn't have been his turn to drive! 6 ½ miles of muck and 3 pints of real ale, one of those being offered by the Willey Moor having an alcoholic content of 5.9%, would have left Martin a happy happy Hasher.

This being the first Tuesday of the school summer holidays, Martin and a few other regulars were absent, but a considerable contingent from Marple and Macclesfield arrived for the entertainment. Some of them must have started off before the 6 o'clock news finished! Well done them. Steve Argles who lives on the sunset side of Cheshire often drives big distances to the more mountainous east of the county for a Hash. I think his record is a 100 mile round trip to Marple Bridge on a night when he was overcome with hashing enthusiasm. This evening the highlanders travelled the other way. Hopefully, they have now all got back home safe!

One of the oddities of this evening's travelling was everyone's early arrival. Being undiscovered country it seems everyone decided to make absolutely sure they weren't late. We even had the sight of Roger Turner limbering 15 minutes before the off! Even Dave Taylor was changed and ready by 19.45. The only laggard seemed to be John Moorhouse, who arrived just before the tapes went up, and he was slightly worried as his motor was telling him it would only take him another 2 miles before he'd be walking! At the end of the evening he was to just make the nearest petrol station before it closed.

Anyway, tonight was Ian Blakeborough's long promised international trail, from the very bottom left hand corner of Cheshire, with John Seymour providing Ian with back up muscle. Some unusual instructions were given before the off, including references not to cross various roads, to beware of 'unusual' animals, and to look out for miniature Welsh flags on cocktail sticks as route markers for the foreign bit of the trail. You really don't get that every week. A 6-½ mile route with plenty of sticky footpaths were promised. Ian and John were to deliver!

A 7-way check from the car park launched proceedings. As was to prove a repetitive pattern, the correct route was into the fields. It was to be over a mile and 7 checks before tarmac was spotted again. 3 checks in, and Paul Jackson was leading. He's recently had his eyes done, which means he can now actually see what he's putting his feet in! So up to a 5-barred gate roars Paul, but there's no chalk marks. He stops to think, and hears someone panting up behind him, and turns to find himself nose to nose with a llama! He'd not noticed the animal in the field next to him as he ran up this lane, but the llama had certainly seen him. And 'No' is the answer to the query someone posed in the pub after they'd had a couple of scoops, I didn't give the llama a tick.

And so on we went to some road, and the first muster, as Ian was a bit worried we'd get strung out tonight. A bit of a delay. At the second muster, Brian Burgess leant on a rather rickety looking metal gate, which promptly gave way under him. We were to learn later that when Mr Seymour arrived at said gate, it was in such a parlous condition, he had to draw on his half forgotten second year metal working skills to leave it at least partly vertical!

And then there were the horses! Having just admired someone's rather unusual front garden ornament, a large metallic crocodile, we trundled over a stile to find two very frisky thoroughbreds getting quite excited at the prospect of some unexpected hashing. Mike Eden and I quietly traversed their field, then turned to watch about 20 of the pack all trying to achieve the security of the centre of their little group. Impossible in practical terms of course, but very funny to the detached observer. As the two horses circled erratically but speedily round this beleaguered group, a loud 'Sit!' could be heard from the middle of this unhappy band. 'Someone's being a tad optimistic!' noted Mike, and the horses refused to respond. 'Obviously, they only speak Welsh.' Mike continued.

And 2 checks later we were indeed in Wales. Our trail layers had made it completely impossible to miss the border. Somehow they had shinned up a couple of trees either side of this narrow lane, to erect a banner consisting of a dozen or so Welsh flags. Inevitably, pictures had to be taken of this Cheshire Hash first. More delays! Eventually, off we went again looking and finding the cocktail sticks marking the correct route. There's one thing about Welsh mud. It's just the same as English mud.

Eventually, a canal was reached. Was this the same one the pub was on? The pack thought so, and smartly set off north back to base. However, there was to be a final twist. The trail went left off the canal for a final 5 checks. Somewhere here, Pam Eden found herself stranded in the goo, but was gallantly sucked out by some helpful Hashers. Eventually, the trail layers relented and we were back to the pub at 21.40!

As I struggled up onto the towpath for the last 25 yards before the sanity of the car park, I heard Much Splashing in the Canal. A moment's panic ensued, but I was assured by two land bound Hashers, that it was only Paul Jackson washing off the worst of the evenings trail. And then.....more aquatics!

The Willey Moor pub is located right next to a canal lock of the same name. As most of us will have observed, we have had a modicum of moisture over the last few weeks. Sufficient to mean that the overflow channel down the side of the lock was flowing very briskly. This free laundering service for trainers was not to be missed by the Hash. Unfortunately, Dave Arthur did miss! His footing, and down the slippery slope he went. Having recovered his equilibrium, he then decided that this water flooded slope would make a excellent slide, and slide he did. Before you could say, '20 pints please landlord', down the slope went half the Hash, much to the consternation but amusement of a couple of pub locals who were trying to amble off home, after a quiet couple of pints in the pub.

Down the slope went Cat, to discover she was a bit stuck when she got to the bottom. Dave's son in law Keith Mabbott who runs with us when his defence of the realm activities allow him, slid to her rescue, only to discover that on arrival at the stranded maiden, he was half bereft of his shorts. Just too late Mr Seymour arrived with his camera, but has the evidence of much of these by now nocturnal activities, that I'm sure the Webmeister will have on the website for the whole galaxy to see within a day or so!

Honestly, we did eventually get in the pub, and a very pleasant evening was concluded. It was an excellent and very unusual evening, and Ian is to be congratulated for all his efforts for International Hashing! The map route is (I think) as follows, and looks almost precisely the 6 ½ mile length we were promised.
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/whitchurch/640917381

Tuesday 17th July

In these days of green issues and recycling 'El Presidente' manages to use almost the sam paragraph at the start of this week's report as in last week.

Church Inn, Mobberley 17.07.07

Where to start? Probably best to get the apology done first. Owing to a devilish combination involving an ancient fridge-freezer from the Victorian era, a dodgy hip, a completely unexpected call to be the back marker, together with a reluctance to use my reading glasses, meant it was my fault that a quarter of those brave souls who set out on last week's Hash, went completely wrong. Tonight, a different story emerged, ending in a different sort of apology for a Hash of almost unblemished personal success!

This week, there were Rob and Cliff once AGAIN in charge of the evening's festivities. Apparently, the plans for tonight were drawn up by Paul Jackson, who owing to the fact that he still has to work to keep the Halifax off his back, couldn't actually come to the Church, but left his able bodied assistants Rob and Cliff in charge. 5 ½ miles was the distance announced Cliff. 'They bloody said that about last week!' said a slightly pessimistic soul.

After the normal solo canine choral from Bob the dog at the start, as usual half drowning out the requisite barbed wire and electric fence warnings from the trail layer, off into the Mobberley marsh we went. Now it may have passed your notice but I doubt it that there has been a plethora of precipitation recently. Manchester had 6.98 inches of rain in June against a long-term average for the month of 1.98 inches. The effects of this monsoon were soggily obvious on the ground. This bit of Cheshire can get a bit damp even when other parts aren't, and on most non-asphalt parts of this trail, it felt and smelt like February underfoot.

An early faller was Roger Pidcock who twisted a fetlock before we'd even reached the sanctuary of the first bit of black top. As we'd had to negotiate a series of stiles, the pack had got very strung out, and I think Roger and I were both overcome with a rare bout of enthusiasm to try and keep up, as we'd spotted on one these obstacles, two chalk arrows pointing back where we'd come from. Enthusiasm and very wet grassy fields can and did lead to physical hiccups, and Roger never did get the chance to start his brain puzzling on the problem of how to get back to this field, as clearly this would be the way home.

The queues for the stiles prompted the enthusiastic to look for alternative methods of hedge negotiation. Nicky returned to the queue after one reconnaissance trip showed John Moorhouse engaged in such close combat with a combination of a thorn hedge and barbed wire she was wincing! John survived to wash off the evidence of this encounter in a large muddy puddle in the pub car park.

Anyway by the time tarmac was regained, I'd just followed the leaders round the trail, and for the next 6 checks did precisely the same, with the sole object of trying to keep up!! That steeplechase of stiles had us spread over at least a quarter of a mile, and if you're slow and at the back, that is a recipe for mild panic and sweat! Eventually, Cliff declared an amnesty, or at least a muster to allow the back to get to the front. I sidled off right up a very overgrown footpath, for a quick surruptious spot of bladder lightening, when 'On On right!' was called, and a hasty reordering of the undercarriage become essential. This is a situation where the figure hugging Lycra long johns are NOT an advantage.

So, for the first time since Tony Blair was honest, I found myself at the front. Now this piece of Cheshire is an area I know well, as it's up the side of Ringway's second runway, where when the weather and my busy commercial schedule allows, I do a spot of plane spotting. As I thought I'd already tumbled that we were going back whence we'd came, so with a quick check of the trusty Timex, plans were mentally drawn up along the lines of 'How would I get the pack back to the field of Roger's demise, if this really is a 5 ½ mile run?' Apologies to those behind, but I managed to get the next 12 checks correct. Never in the field of human hashing has any one hasher ever had such continuous success. That's probably complete bollocks, but certainly this hasher has never come this close to perfection before.

My lack of any gear other than first meant I never got any significant distance away from the pack, and I must confess that on two of these 12 correct checks I'd been overtaken by younger fitter bodies, who promptly decided to check in what turned out to be the wrong direction, leaving me with further success. Inevitably, the inevitable happened, and I went wrong, inevitably dragging half a dozen trusting souls with me. The good news was we inadvertently missed out a short loop, and stumbled back on the correct trail again, and polished off the last 3 checks with more complete precision

This run of navigational nirvana did prompt numerous comments afterwards about my competence with and/or need for a map. Just lucky folks!

Fairly early on in the piece when Dave Arthur and myself were at the front, we came out of a bog back to a road we'd been on earlier, to be greeted by Dave Taylor, who enquired was I the back marker. 'No, I'm second'!' I replied proudly. 'Oh, OK l'll catch you all up in a few minutes.' he called back over his right shoulder, and as he accelerated to Mach 2 along the lane the pack had trudged up 10 minutes earlier. I don't think he ever did catch up, but he did make the sanctuary of the bar, where the landlord decided that £159 was the right amount to charge for the first round of 37 drinks! Apparently, beer is £2.50 a pint in the Church Inn, so quite where he produced the £159 from I've no idea. I believe a reduction to £120 was negotiated after written proof of those drinking was produced.

This sort of problem does occasionally occur. There's no obvious solution, except perhaps for the first hasher into the pub to find out how much the beer is and then order 20 pints. It makes the maths easy. The trouble is that the first one in has to choose the brew, and it's guaranteed that some of the late arrivals will decide that the Black Sheep is not their tipple, and can they have the Toxic Brain Warp Special instead. I suspect we'll just have to put up with the odd kitty problem.

Tonight's calorie count was 918, and the route length was what the trail promised. Good trail guys!
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/knutsford/612211706

Tuesday 10th July - Robs BBQ

A report from El Presidente

Where to start? Probably best to get the apology done first. Owing to a devilish combination involving an ancient fridge-freezer from the Victorian era, a dodgy hip, a completely unexpected call to be the back marker, together with a reluctance to use my reading glasses, meant it was my fault that a quarter of those brave souls who set out on tonight's Hash, went completely wrong. We were not lost you understand, just wrong! My little band simply went the wrong way round Rob and Cliff's planned route. Sorry folks.

Our two hosts had decided to try for a Hash first – namely a competitive live trail. Cliff had left to run round the route complete with a large bag of Rank Hovis to mark the correct route with flour, long before any Hashers arrived at Rob's. From the pulpit in his garden, Rob then preached his instructional sermon to the assembled multitude. He had already divided everyone up into small teams of roughly equal athletic ability. What they were to do was to follow the flour, and find four large letters chalked at various checks on the trail, and the first team back with the right letters won a prize. I think mini Mars bars were the incentive for success last year.

As a P.S. Rob then issued every team with a map without the marked trail on it, as an insurance policy for those who ran out of flour, energy or enthusiasm. And so off went the teams of the lithe and the lame, with your correspondent painfully playing tail gunner as his left calf virtually seized up. At the second check the brain also seized. Having been chosen to play back marker, and being provided with a correctly marked map, I still incorrectly decided that left was right, and that straight on was wrong, when it was in fact right.

At our next check, Cliff hurtled towards us leaving a vapour trail of flour. He was completely bemused by the fact that part of the pack had apparently overtaken him! Explanations (or more accurately excuses) were offered, before he continued back to an early Boddingtons. One check further on, and Simon Parker, the On Sec and one or two others were overcome by guilt, and rebelled against the clockwise wrong way round strategy, and bravely set off to find those doing the right thing. I saw the On Sec later at the barbecue but not young Simon. I assume he survived! And so a dozen of us continued round the wrong way through fields I've not hashed since the 1980's, where hedges marked on maps have been grubbed up, and over stiles that had succumbed to the onslaught of rampant thorn hedges and briars, that themselves have flourished with the mild monsoon conditions of recent weeks. I'm with Mark Twain regarding these meteorological conditions when he said, 'Everyone complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it!'

Eventually we crossed the Macclesfield Road heading for Ollerton, where on the far side of a field full of bovines the first anti clockwise Hashers could be seen. Suitable banter was exchanged, although Doctor Arthur and Nicky were much more concerned to warn us of 'an irate farmer ahead!' Indeed, over the 97th stile of the night we scrambled, to find David Taylor engaged in animated conversation with a Massey Ferguson clad beetroot coloured farmer. I suspect the merits of running on footpaths was the subject up for discussion. I must admit to craven cowardice, as I slinked by on the other side of the lane, leaving Dave to his verbal toil. I can sympathise with Farmers worrying when 40 odd colourfully clad humanoids come trundling across footpaths they wish weren't on their land, but I'm afraid that's where the paths go, and we all take real care not to disturb the livestock.

Anyway, after our encounter with this little anti clockwise group, us wrong way rounders met precisely nobody else doing the correct route! As time went on, and darkness threatened, enthusiasm for collecting letters of the alphabet waned, whilst thoughts of self-preservation and survival waxed. Eventually, we found our way back to Rob's just after 21.30, to find we were not the last back. Cliff was slightly anxiously enquiring, 'Had we seen anyone else?' He seemed to be trying to follow Brian Hanrahan's mantra from the Falklands War days of, 'I counted them all out, and I counted them all back!' The trouble being Cliff hadn't been on the flight deck at the start to count them all out. Also, tonight was a Hash without Roger Turner, so nobody counted them out!

Anyway, eventually everyone returned (I think!). Inevitably, Mr Ellis proclaimed he'd been drinking by just after 9. By the time I got a drink I think he'd had 9! Much food and drink was consumed, and eventually the pulpit pilot produced prizes for all, or nearly all. The weather kept dry until serious alcohol had been taken, before a gentle shower drove those with empty glasses to their beds, and the rest of us under canvas. 57 ticks went into the book, which I think is the 3rd highest ever attendance. Maybe a self-destructive competitive live hash is the future? But then again! Of the 57, no less than 11 walked. As to the trail itself, Rob reckoned it was about 5 ½ miles according to his initial sermon. The attached link is my best guess as to this route. http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/knutsford/583969861

It is a tad longer than 5 ½!! The next link is especially for us wrong way rounders. We managed without knowing it, to shortcut part of the planned route. Good, eh? http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/knutsford/583959619

Mr McNaul reckoned he'd consumed 1,267 calories, which whilst not the largest individual total since records began, when multiplied by the 57 ticks, does produce a new milestone of 72,219 calories for one Hash. His electronic wonderment also said he'd run 10 miles, whilst Dave Arthur's equipment said he'd done 9 ½. Ah yes, a truly memorable one.

P.S. Why DOES Rob have a pulpit in his garden?

Having been away and crocked the following reports are a litte late and disjointed - First for Brookes effort

Tuesday June 19th

Thorn, Appleton – 19.06.07 from Allan

As my reader may possibly know, tonight marked El Presidente's return from what was a shortened but 'eventful' holiday in Italy. Having been laid up in a ground floor curtain less cardiac ward for a couple of nights, with a wonderful view of one of Sorrento's main cross roads, I can assure you, that Hashers are not the only people who often end up displaying their nether regions in public in seemingly unusual places. The Sorrentines take as much notice of under dressed hospital patients, as the average drinking punter does of half naked folk in his favourite Cheshire pub car park on a Tuesday night.

Tonight at the Thorn, there was no room in the car park for the average punter as the CH3 had collared every space by just after ½ 7. Some of our late arrivals had to make 'alternative arrangements' for their Ladas. This put David Taylor under even more time pressure than usual, as his normal habit is to arrive at 19.45 direct from work, and do a quick change in the pub car park. Tonight involved the change and a 300-yard sprint just to get to the pub.

Having returned to Cheshire it seems it's been a case of batten down the sandbags for the last week or so. Despite the rubbish weather forecast, the thundery rain managed to only bracket the Hash. It bucketed in Knutsford 20 minutes before we left for the pub, but left us in peace whilst we ran. But when we'd finished drinking it was absolutely sheeting down. Mr Ellis called 'time', so needing some relief from my 3 pints; a pit stop was required before departure. Having got to the loo I was accosted by Mr Lever.

Ah, that last sentence doesn't sound quite right! The wrong impression could be given! All Dave did was ask what happened on my holiday. Being marginally inebriated I told him – in lengthy detail. Eventually I wandered out of the back door of the pub, to discover that Mr Ellis had been helpful to his car load, by driving his Mazda round to the front of the Thorn, to minimise how far they'd all got to run to get in the motor. So yours truly ended up doing a circuit of the pub in the monsoon rain, to the intense enjoyment of his colleagues who'd only collected a dozen drips between them, before they'd reached safety. Such camaraderie.

Before the off, when Carol had changed ready to get hot and sweaty, she made an unfortunate sartorial discovery! Now Carol has some recent form when it comes to her and her running gear. Full details are in the report on Rob's trail from the Dog on the 27th March. This time Carol didn't forget to take her running gear home, she reversed the process, and forgot to bring her running shoes to the Hash. She was walking round the Thorn car park carrying a pair of shoes; with heels so high they probably qualified for a Health & Safety warning. No one had a spare pair of size 4 pumps!

Much discussion ensued as to whether Carol should qualify for a 'tick' simply because she had turned up with good intentions. 'If she starts the run, even if only for a few yards, Allan usually agrees that's OK!' said someone. Before I could confirm or deny said judgement, Carol was gone at high speed across the car park in her stockinged feet. Observing this pantomime, Mr Hack quietly extracted his mobile, contacted his base camp, which is only about ¾ mile away, and a pair of size 4 trainers appeared for Carol, before young Brooke brought us all under starters orders, so all was well with the Culley feet. What a gentleman Martin is!

And so eventually we were off. 2 checks in, and there we all are at the spot where Cat came to grief at the beginning of February on Derek and Roy's epic trial from the Hatton Arms. She didn't recognise the point of her demise, proclaiming that in February it had been rather dark! The lane she came down on is tarmaced, but in places it looks as though the top inch or so of tarmac has been worn away, leaving large lower areas surrounded by what are like vertical inch high kerbs. Apparently, in February she had just glanced back to see if there was anybody behind her, when she must have simply turned an ankle on one of these depressions and down she went! Clearly this little used lane has not been resurfaced for 50 odd years. Having myself come down twice in the last 18 months, the motto seems to be keep your eyes down and in front, rather than on what may be happening behind you.

So after a rather battered old road, Brooke then introduced us to the delights of the new developments of Pewterspear, Dudlow Park and Appleton Park. Where do the planners get the names? In fact these new estates make for excellent Hash country. Loads of checks, many changes of direction, a mixture of roads, old and new, lanes, footpaths, and bridleways in narrow bits of woodland that had been allowed to escape Mac Alpines JCBs. At one check I stopped to unload some gravel I'd acquired in my left shoe. The pack ignored their stricken colleague and On Oned away into the distance. Just as I was about to struggle to the vertical, I felt something cold on my left arm. An inquisitive black Labrador was giving me a good sniff. Its elderly owner queried what we were all doing. So a brief explanation was given. He exclaimed. 'What! You mean having found a good pub, you then RUN away from it? F**k me!' I thought it prudent to decline the elderly gentleman's kind offer, as the pack had disappeared down one of these lovely little lanes, and Pewterspear is NOT an area of Cheshire I have any familiarity with.

Anyway - a really excellent trail, which was just under 6 ½ miles long. Brooke, you done good! http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/appleton-thorn/509701932

Tuesday June 12th

The trail tonight was set by the On-On Sec and the FootWarrior in the region of Tiverton. The pub for drinking in was the Red Lion but the Pub we parked at was the George and Dragon across the road - which is one of a large number of pubs in Cheshire that appear to be closed or boarded up - possibly owned by various 'pub' companies with their dedication to bottom line maximisation.

The weather having been awful at the weekend the pleasant surprise was the warm sunny evening for the hash. We were joined by a new to us hasher called 'muddybum' or alternatively Wendy who had made the trip out from Chester by public transport. There is dedication. Steve Argles was a gentleman and gave her a lift back as he headed back up the Wirral Peninsula to his base. If You need Steve's contact for lifts send me a mail. Brian G made another appearance along with Sid who has become very keen on hacking round the countryside.

The trail was the usual excellent jobbie for the Thistletons - and everything was made much better as across the road was an excellent chippy. I started my pint while sitting in the pub garden then bought some chips. Gradually more and more bags of chips appeared until all calories used had been replaced - thus re-balancing the universe.

TOP

Tuesday May 29th

The Crown again - Goostrey this time

Nicky set tonight from Goostrey - Origanlly having David T pencilled in as co setter and front runner. David however was subsequebtly re-assigned to be in Chicago so Allan J stepped in to assist so instead of sweeping up Nicky found herself being the front guide while Allan cleared up and shouted.

After a miserable 4 days over the bank holiday weekend the Tuesday dawned cold and manky. In Manchester the cloud was breaking at around noon with scattered outbreaks of blue sky. I gather that in Preston the heavens opened in the afternoon. However by the time it came to leave for the hash - at home there was a full blue sky a gentle breeze so away went the thermals and down to one T and a pair of shorts. The weather on the taril was ideal just right - no overheating and everyone was moving well. Just as well as there were announced to be 25 checks and a reckoned 6.5 miler. It took us four minutes or so to get the first check sorted but thereafter things moved along.

Present on the trail was forementioned David T who along with Mike Murray was completing their 400th Cheshire trail. Well done for perserverence.

When we eventually got to the second check off we went acvross country then a quick turn showed us the big dish at Jodrell Bank - the radio telescope is preety large as well!! Considering the general speed the pack of 40+ runners kept well together though after a trip through the Bongs led us to a Muster point for a re-group a gathering that was watched with great interest by a herd of young cows. John Moorhouse was observed patting one in a friendly fashion but I doubt if he could make a go of it.

Coming towards the end there was a distinct change in the hash markings used. Instead of the toilet paper artfully hiding in amongst the tree blossom - or the chalk arrows - we were confronted by clusters of smileys ending with a three grouping and Nicky poing to the run-in.

Allan has a few words

Just like last week's run from the other and nearby Crown, the weather this evening cleared up from being distinctly dodgy earlier in the day, and provided beautifully clear rather cool conditions, ideal for Hashing. Nicky had her hands on the reins tonight, and announced a trial of 25 checks, starting with a 6-way check from the pub car park. What no one realised was this was a check by instalments! Effectively, she managed to stop us 3 times in about 50 yards, before the pack was released to charge away up to metalled bridleway towards Blackden Hall. This is a route I've not used since we acquired our latest cat about 12 years ago from the farm at the bottom of the drive, and certainly I've not hashed it since the mid 80's. Strange how we still find rarely used footpaths in areas we run in quite regularly.

Just for a change, your scribe was back marking, but only because David Taylor who was going to assist, had had to abandon these plans to fly to a sales conference in Chicago. Quite why the Head of Abacus Use at Churchill China should be needed at a sales conference I didn't establish. Anyway, there he was gone! Only he wasn't! At the third check, he came tearing past me having checked the wrong way. Clearly, Nicky hadn't sent him a map of her proposed route before he cried off! When he went wrong a little later in the piece, I managed to slow him to subsonic speed, and found the sales thing had been cancelled. Not only that, a major business meeting in London, which he'd slotted into this now vacant slot in his diary, had also been aborted, so here he was doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

It was David's 400th run, precisely the same as Mike Murray. Tonight was also Nicky's 150th run, and Rob (Calorie Man) Baddeley's 50th appearance. Well done all. Tonight produced another 50+ turnout, including those returning Hashers who had missed last week's anniversary run, with the pathetic excuse that they were cycling 336 miles in 6 days from Biarritz to Perpignan. Actually, one or three of them did have the decency to look a tad tired. Long distance cycling is probably not an ideal preparation for hashing. I asked Roger Turner what plans they had for a Tour de France style sequel next year. ";Across Italy." he said. Whether he was pulling my ******* I'm not sure, as the On Sec said later, that apparently plans to cycle down Wales or across Scotland had also been mentioned. Neither quite as glamorous as playing Roman soldiers across the Apennines, but I feel ill at the thought of that energy that will be required, whatever they do.

Tony Ellis asked various of the returning pedallers, ";How was it for you?" and got completely different answers. Pam said the weather had been fine, but Mr Seymour felt it had rained a bit. These two continued their disagreement on the clement nature of the conditions, whilst wrapping themselves round the outside of some ale in the pub. No report of any consensus of opinion was received before ";time" was called. They only did this trip last week, and already their memories are fading! And so, all was eventually well. All were safely gathered in, and hymn 334 was sung in the car park. Nicky's trail was another of her 6-½ mile efforts, and the route link is below. Calorie Man reckoned the trail consumed 1,133 calories. (This was confirmed as close by Alistdair who had about 1185 http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/goostrey/429143991

Tuesday May 22th 2007

The hashiversary has come round again - a full 25 years has passed since that fateful day at the Gay Dog hosted the first CH₃ trail. These days we are averaging 43 per trail and as last week's creation by Special K showed this can prove difficult in getting venues.

However tonight the Crown - possibly close to the most hashed from pub at 25 times. Allan did his little bit of magic and as you can see from the photos the sun was out. With much scurrying about the food order was placed for the large number of people and the beer pumps were primed so off we went.

Breaking with tradition we turned left out of the pub and after a trip down the road turned off and then through the car park of the nearby Bells of Peover giving the drinkers outside a nasty start. Allan did what he manages so well - he took us round old territory in a fairly new combination of ways even getting within 300 yard of the pub twice without anyone sloping off - to bring us to the pub for 9 o'clock. A quick change and he then distributed the stats for those present. The next day he followed it up with an email as in the usual hash tradition he had added an extra 52 runs onto the total and thus reduced the percentage of each hasher's actual against possible - sometimes drastically. see the stats in the section to the left. These are not the total stats just reflecting those who had run in the last year and had done more than 25 runs in total

Allan comments on the Crown and the Roal Oak

Royal Oak, Mellor 15.05.07 & Crown, Lower Peover 22.05.07

Life has got in the way of Hash reports over the last couple of weeks. There's been a day golfing with our Senior Hasher Tony Higgins in Shropshire, and a holiday trip to Wales. Marvellous! And now there's over 2 weeks of trundling up the spine of Italy to come! Mucho marvellous!! Someone asked, ";Where's the report on the red dress run?" I think the photos on the website are far more eloquent, than anything my arthritic digits could produce. Check this link. http://www.cheshirehash.co.uk/cheshire/photo/RedDress2007/RedDress2007_1.htm
(or just click on the Photo's Button to the left says Max)

Max had his camera out for the 25th Anniversary run from the Crown at Lower Peover, and the evidence of this somewhat historic event has also been put up for all to see. http://www.cheshirehash.co.uk/cheshire/photo/Crown2007/Birthday20071.htm (See reference to button on left)

There doesn't appear to be any photographic evidence of Karen's run from Mellor, so prose will have to suffice. The area around Marple Bridge where Karen lives is fairly undulating, but she promised her trail would be nothing like as challenging as Mr Ellis's sterling effort from the Stanley Arms a few weeks ago. Nonetheless, it wasn't flat! There was a hiccup at the planning stage for this run. Karen got her maps out, decided on her route, then went to her chosen pub, to give them the good news about a significant boost to profits, and was firmly told ";NO!" I think there was some other event involving music at this boozer, but as we checked by the front door mid Hash, the pub did not look like it had a Wembley style sell out! In fact, it was nearly as empty as George W Bush's brain.

So, Karen moved the start to a local school car park, which meant about a 300-yard walk to the new pub after the run, but a 9 p.m. finish and some good Robinson's put everyone in fine spirits. Except Carol, who was deeply disappointed to see her beloved Southampton squeezed out of the play offs on penalties. But her priorities are OK, Hashing before live football featuring her favourite team on the telly.

The weather was occasionally inclement on the way round, but views here are excellent. As I pondered at a muster whether the church I could see 3 postcodes away, was the one Karen took us past last year, she confirmed it was indeed part of that route. It looked miles away. I think one or two of us had a suspicion that we might be seeing this holy relic again. Anyway, down off a golf course we went, into a glade with a babbling stream, desirable renovated property, beautifully lit by the setting sun through leafy trees. Just the sort of place you wouldn't want to live in January, when the rutted access track is flooded with run off, and lights are needed after lunch because the sun vanishes behind the hill at about midday.

Anyway, up and out of the glade we struggled, past a chalk sign that read ";Last uphill", and then over the brow of the hill was a glimpse of last year's church. At the next check, amnesia immediately set in for the front runners, three of whom turned right uphill, completely forgetting the rather significant chalk clue Karen had laid 300 yards earlier! So left and down through the churchyard we went, with John Moorhouse happily saying ";Oops, sorry", to every gravestone occupant he ran over. What a considerate fellow. And then, it was a long downhill stretch to a fairly early finish. Excellent. I don't have a map of this area, so the attached link is my best guess of the route using the satellite view in Map My Run. Calories used – 729.

And so to the 25th Anniversary run from the Crown at Lower Peover, which has hosted a number of these annual events in recent years. Bearing in mind that at least 6 regular Hashers were taking part in their Coast-to-Coast pedal from Biarritz to Perpignan, there was an excellent turnout at the Crown. 55 ticks went into the book.

The weather smiled on us, the terrain was flat, and again most of the pack were back by 9. This is a well-used part of Cheshire for CH3, but tonight produced what I believe is a first. As we approached a regularly hashed path, a local farmer was actually reaping his grass growing over the path we were about to use. Into his trailer went chopped up grass and shredded loo roll! The trail layer could say with complete confidence and with no chance of contradiction that, ";the markers were there when I laid it!"

Before we set off Brian Burgess and I collected orders and money for the feast that was to follow the run. Thank you all for your co-operation in providing speedy orders, the right money, and this year all in sterling! Without your help, the admin involved in getting 40 odd meals and drinks ordered and paid for in the confines of a normal Hash, would be very difficult. The On Sec is also grateful, as she was able to take the surplus and use it for AAA subscriptions etc. The map link is below. Calorie count 868. http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/lower-peover/338288203

Tuesday May 15th 2007

The trail was an exception to recent events in that it was not backmarked by Allan but was set in its entirety by Special K and her daughter Libby in the land between Marple Bridge and Mellor.(Here be Demons?) We were encouraged to park down a side lane near a school and then ran up past the pub followed by a rapid descent. Not hard to accomplish from near the top of a hill. This was followed by going off road and a climb above a fishing pond. The trail consisted on alternating ups and downs and we appeared back at the cars at 8:58.

The pub was really pleased we were there - a different story to the one originally planned by Karen - the Cumberland - which had said they didn't want us.
Good trail though Allan later measured it and claimed that it was short of 5 miles.

Saturday 12th May 2007

Red Dress from Lach Dennis see Photos

To celebrate many things Pam and Mike set a Red Dress Run from Lach Dennis Village Hall.
A motley band of hashers turned up in their red finery - some replete with heaving bosoms, red lipstick ,tights and some of the women dressed like that too.

There were many comments . Thea said that once John was in Character she found it a little wierd to be in his company. Having spend years sharing lifts to hashes with him this comes as no surprise. Nicky complained that me in a dress with a pink wig was too surreal... then she went to check on the resilience of Mike E's augmented chest... and she thinks that I'm strange!!

However after the photo opportunity off we went to the distraction of lots of local drivers at these visions of lovliness sashaying round the streets of the area. Entertaining as well was the vigour with which the truckers on the motorway honked their horns at us.. This either provided encouragement that their attention to their surroundings was good or Worry that their eyesight was not what it should be...The 3 Greyhounds clientele were also much surprised when we turned in for a beer stop before our run in.

This was followed by some of Pams excellent food and then a ceileidh with a good band and expert caller to display hashers total lack of co-ordination when it came to such moves as 'stripping the willow' or even the dosie-doh. A very good day.

Tuesday May 8th 2007

Roger decided to set a trail from the Tunnel Top at Dutton. That is twice from the same pub in 4 weeks and that a pub we had never run from before.

However - he took a different slant and took us out to the North along the back roads and lanes before pulling us across the fields and out near The Ring o'Bells at Daresbury. The trail then led us round and through the wooded land behind the Daresbury Labs before dropping us onto the canal. At this point we were much surprised to see Tony E and John D trundling along on the other side of the canal.

When we reached the bridge below the Lord Daresbury we dropped down and over the railway to pick up our second canal - so both the Bridgewater and the Trent and Mersey ticked off. A linear park then beckoned and we emerged into the region of the Guinness bottling plant - no stopping though as we went through the industrial but well tree'd area to the run in to the pub.
Still Daylight as well.
Good trail Roger

Allan follows up

Are pubs like buses? You don't see one for years, and all of a sudden you hash from it twice in a few weeks. Tunnel Top is a pub that never registered on the Cheshire Hash radar, until Doctor Arthur finally broke his body laying from it at the end of April, and now we're back in early May, with Roger Turner doing the steering.

Roger managed to use precisely none of Dave's trail. Quite impressive. Much of his route was virgin territory for me. There was a bit close to the Ring of Bells at Daresbury that I've flogged over, but the rest including the verdant forest at the southeast corner of Runcorn, was definitely new. My OS map says this woodland is actually National Trust property. In fact, this part of Runcorn was actually quite attractive. There were some smart new build houses, with views across the Trent & Mersey Canal, access to the local Marina, bus lanes for speedy trips to the town centre, and if you really couldn't bear the thought of staying there long, it's only 5 minutes drive to the M56. Think I had an attack of Estate Agentitis there.

And so to tonight's delights. Roger announced a 6-mile run with one muster, but no other details were given. No health warnings about rampant Shetland ponies or goats – see last weeks report. No guide as to number of checks. So, as Roger does have a tiny bit of a reputation for his trails, there was some mild trepidation voiced as we launched ourselves off down the rough track at the side of the pub. But as our colonial cousins would say ";No worries!" Roger produced an excellent trail that Map My Run reckons is about 6 ¼ miles, and everyone (with an odd exception), happily peeling their kit off by 21.10.

Early on, Peter Rose drifted off the back of the pack when checks were a bit far apart, so I gave him my map, which had the correct route shown in day glow yellow marker pen. I got Roger to give me his map, so I could try and continue my tail gunner duties. I then discovered that Roger's map had the number of alternatives at each check shown by the appropriate number i.e. 2,3 or in one case 7, but no day glow line joining the numbers. In fact there was no line at all! Having sorted Peter out, there was then the sweaty bit of having to run hard to catch the pack up. And you all think being back marker is easy! So did I, when I first started offering my services a few weeks ago. Never volunteer!

Anyway, balance was restored to the force by the time we got to Roger's muster, where a good view towards the Runcorn Bridge was on offer. Not quite the crystal clear views from Macclesfield Forest produced last week, but very different in tone and character.

And so back on to the flat and along the canal, where Tony Higgins and John Davies had somehow managed to get themselves onto the side of the canal without the towpath. Inevitably, appropriate ";helpful" suggestions were shouted across the canal by the smug b********s on the right side of the water. Eventually, this gallant pair extracted themselves from the canal, although they were a tad late back at the pub. This was only the 3rd time John Davies has appeared. The first was from a very wet Frozen Mop last November, when there was an element of cartographic failure with his walking group, leading to a damp late finish. The following week he came for his second visit, but this was Dr Stephenson's dead pub trail from the Drovers, and there were no other walkers to accompany him! So, he's been a bit unlucky with a hat trick of fairly dysfunctional trails to start his Hash career. It can only get better. Can't it?
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/dutton/390364410
Calorie count 1,098.

Tuesday May 1st 2007

Spring - Summer. It was May day and I had a debate with myself while at home as to whetehr I would wear a running vest or a T. It was a close thing as it was beautifully sunny with a mild breeze - but I thought that later in the shade a T would be slightly better - especially over at Macc Forest.

This was a wise decision as over at Macc Forest the wind was somewhat more brisk. I said as much to Carol when I declared it 'breezy' but she demurred and said it could lose many miles per hour before it approached breezy.

Tony E had decided that tonights run would be from the Stanley Arms over at Bottom-of-the-Oven, Past Macclesfield towards Derbyshire. This countryside is renouned for the amount of 'up' it contains - lots of 'down' as well but the former always comes into it. He was assisted in setting by El Presidente who seems set on getting more setting ticks this year than some heve got in a number of years.

The Lymm bus was - as often to this part of the world - a touch late. We were coming down the last steep hill towards the pub when we saw the pack heading up towards us. Bravely Lori volunteered to take the car down to the car park while the others legged it out to join the pack who greeted us with cries of only getting half a tick for such shortcutting. We did what any sensible hasher would and went down to the start - sorry fibbing there - we ignored the jibes and continued as if we had always been there. Martin more than made up for it later with some of the 'offs' he went along

It was a good trail - a touch tough especially as you had to tack with the wind to get anywhere. At one stage we were crossing a stile and there was this great thunder of hooves and about 40 goats appeared from over the horizon to see what we were doing
There was agood downhill run-in and I was much pleased that this was completed without resouce to a torch.
The pub wasn't too bad with Jennings and Marstons - though a little less head would be appreciated Mr Landlord and a little more beer./p>

Allan's report

Isn't there some old cliché like, ";Never cast a clout till May is out"? I suspect it means it can be a bit cold in May. Well, the Saturday before this run from the Stanley Arms, Mr Ellis and I went to do the necessary with the toilet roll, and found that although the weather was sunny and clear, the ambient was a bit on the modest side! Tony was all dressed for a good run, whilst I had the thermal T-shirt, the thick long sleeved shirt, and the padded waistcoat. Tony decided to add the hooded fleece, before we left to do battle with the little undulations!

After a couple of hour's leg wrestling with the terrain, we returned to the car park, to discover the pub didn't open until noon! Eventually, entry was permitted, and Tony advised the staff that about 40 of us would be there to boost the profits on Tuesday night. ";How many cars?" he was asked. Some satisfactory answer was cobbled together, but the pub staff wanted us to use their top car park. When we arrived on Tuesday, most of the Hash seemed to be on time, and had virtually filled the lower car parks, so Tony jumped out to pass on the landlord's instructions, whilst I motored up into the virtually filled top car park! Two car spaces were left for other guests when we set off running.

There was considerable enthusiasm for the running to start, as the weather was even sunnier and clearer than Saturday, but oh dear the temperature was frigid. A strong easterly was whistling down from Shining Tor, and Hashers who are virtual strangers were cuddling each other in the car park, to ward off frostbite. Some Hashers were desperately searching their boots, (car variety), to see if they had brought more insulation, other than the flimsy running vests and high cut shorts, that the weather down on the Cheshire Plain had persuaded them to wear.

Pam Eden was doing circuits of the car park to ward off the cold, whilst pleading with Tony to ";get your act together!" Tony was concerned because the Lymm bus hadn't arrived, but it was expected. Eventually, Tony was persuaded to let us go, and off up the main road we went, to be greeted by the Lymm bus coming down. ";Debris on the M6" was the reason/excuse for their late arrival. Anyway, out of the car piled Messrs, Hack, Saunders and the Webmeister, whilst Lori and Maggie drove the Volvo down to the pub to cut the available parking space by another 50%!

After three checks, the pack was stretched out over 600 – 700 yards. The views were wonderful, but rather depressing if you were at the back, and could see Mr Hack breasting the rise at the top of a valley, whilst you were just setting off down from the previous crest. Still checks are wonderful things, and balance was restored to the force two checks later.

Here some of the fast runners had checked up and only slightly left across an open field, whilst the correct trial trundled quietly straight on down an unmade track. ";On On" straight on was the call. Those to the left almost unanimously decided that going back to the stile that led them wrong was not a good plan, and hared straight downhill across the field to try and short cut back to the track. They were OK until they got to the very solid dry stonewall at the edge of the field, and discovered that the owner had strung an electric fence across the top as added security to keep his now rampaging wild beasts safely in this field. Much cursing, whilst trying to balance on one Nike ensued, with those on the correct route shouting suitable encouragement to the circus acts being performed by their colleagues in their attempts to escape from the circling animals. Shetland ponies have never looked so fierce!

Two checks further on, and the pack has been persuaded that straight on down the road to the Crag at Wildboarclough is correct. Now Carol who lives down near the Crag got a little worried, as she'd asked Tony before we started, ";Is the trail going near my house?" In a fit of generosity he wouldn't have for us attractive male Hashers, he said ";No", but now it seemed the trail layer had spoken with forked tongue. In reality Tony was happily chatting away at the check, whilst making sure nearly all the pack were heading the wrong way, before cheerfully screaming, ";Come back straight on! On On right!" Now it was OK for him as he scurried quickly right, but he left his humble assistant (me) who was sweeping at the back to face the grumbles of those returning uphill from the Crag, who stoutly maintained they HAD found two markers straight on. Not my fault folks, I was just following orders.

So, back uphill we went, and the higher we went, the windier it got.Thundering cloven hoofs could be heard at one point, which got rapidly louder, and the pack found itself being looked down on by a herd of dark brown beasts. Goats have never looked so fierce! What is it with the farmers round here with their stock of more esoteric animals? Perhaps the more common cows and sheep don't like it up here. Certainly, some Hashers didn't, for as they clambered over a stile at another dry stone wall, at the top of Macclesfield Forest they were fully exposed to the wind now howling out of the east. Having been cuddling each other before the start, there was now much hand holding over this stile, to counter balance the effects of the wind.

The long uphill to this stile had spread the pack out, and when I reached the top, I could see a small band of Hashers huddling together a couple of hundred yards to the right, at a T junction which looked down on the pub. They clearly weren't sure they were right, because it wasn't yet half past 8, and they were milling about in a fog of uncertainty desperately trying not to freeze, but clearly they didn't want to come back unless they were definitely wrong! They were. Left it was, and then right, and very sharply down the lane into Macclesfield Forest, with the wind pushing people down much faster than they planned. In the Forest of course, it was dead calm.

However, the fast men were now back at the front, and having once already gazed longingly down on the salvation offered by the pub, they knew where the trail had to go, and there was enormous enthusiasm for the very steep climb back out of the Forest. And so it was back to the pub before 9 for the quick ones, and a tad later for the tail gunners. Despite the bitter wind, a number of Hashers congratulated Mr Ellis on an excellent trail. A 4 ½ mile length, and no rain probably affected their judgement! If there had been ANY precipitation in that wind, it would have been appalling! The map link is next,
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/bc/stanley-arms,-macclesfield/362291677
The calorie count was 961. A lot for such a short trail!

TOP

Tuesday 24th April 2007

I've been getting a bit idle and not doing as many reports recently so I thought I'd better get my finger out.
Nick and the On-On Sec set tonights trail which promised some moisture as we have has a dry spell but it had rained on Sunday and again on the Tuesday - hash day.

The trail was set from the Stag Hotel at Great Warford - a place we have retired to on many an occasion - in fact many more times than we have run from it.
We were met in the carpark on arrival by the news that there was no electricity on in the area and it was not expected back on till about 10 or 11pm. Hearts dropped as we rapidly thought about where we could go if this state remained - possibly not by as much as Laurence the landlord at the thought of 50 thirsty hashers wandering off to another pub.

Bearing up bravely we set off - down a road and a cut along a small foot path - guided away from the farm yard by small boy in school uniform. As we tracked along here a little magic occurred - the outside security lights of the houses were coming on - the power was back on there was a great cheer from the pack that the supply or Tim Taylors and Black Sheep would be available.

Knowing the on-on Secs anti - disposition to trails toooo squelchy if she can help it I had put on a pair of shoes that had only been used on the road - the soles were not treadworthy for the trail where steep hills and shiggy were plentiful - but they did not cause me to blister as my regular trail shoes had started doing. I was just about justified in my risk as - although it had rained and my shoes got wet - the ground was firm enough when I did not step in cow dung for me to stay upright.

Due to the overcast night we did not manage to go torchless through-out but a good trail was had by all and the beer at the end was excellent.

The Headmaster's performance report (n.b.Note that for some reason the mapmyrun link suggests we ran in Warford British Columbia but they have identical street names there)

Stag's Head, Warford – 24.04.07

We drove into the bramble infested overflow car park at the Stag's Head, to be greeted by a grinning Dave Lever, who announced ";The pub's shut!" ";But it's not a Rob Stephenson trail." someone said. A somewhat unkind thought, I felt. Rob has just had a bit of bad luck with his last two choices of trail laying venues. By the way, if anyone is thinking about starting from the Frozen Mop at Mobberley, it's being rebuilt. Supposedly open in June.
So, the question arose, why was the Stag shut. ";No power." Said Mr Lever. Apparently, there had been a power cut in the locale, and so for reasons of Health and Safety, Laurence Hobday, the only landlord to have actually hashed with us, couldn't take the towels off his taps. I thought the pack were remarkably cheerful in the face of such catastrophic news, particularly as rumour went round that the power was not forecast to return until 10 or 11 that night!

Well, there was a car park full of Hashers, and really no alternative to getting the run under our trainers, so away we went. At the first check a ragged cheer broke out, as the pack suddenly noticed the locals outside security lights had all suddenly flared into action. Power restored! Alcoholic anticipation resumed! So the pack steadily plodded on. Now that the Wilmslow ½, and the London real marathon have been consigned to the bin labelled History, the speed of progress on a Tuesday night has dropped back slightly, as training regimes have been relaxed. It's a bit like those last couple of weeks at the end of the summer term, when your exams have finished, but you are still expected to turn up to school.
Dr Arthur turned up to run this week, having giving the broken body a week off. Unfortunately, he seemed to have problems and Mr Ellis provided support, as Dave had to return to the pub early. Maybe a few weeks with the walkers is a wise option. He was not short of helpful suggestions along the lines of ";Do you need a Doctor?" Hashers can be such sympathetic creatures.

Tonight's run produced the 3rd appearance this Hash year of the magisterial Adrian Long. In the pub he queried why his name was only a scrappy inked entry at the bottom of the current list of runners. ";You're lucky the Head has even noticed you're here!" said another sympathetic Hasher. (By the way, I'm apparently the Head. Apparently, it's the ½ glasses balanced on the end of my Roman nose, coupled with my white mane, and possession of the register that gives me this appearance). I wonder what the On Sec would say if I sternly asked her to ";See me later!" Actually, I have a very good idea what she would say!
Anyway, the Webmeister pointed out to Adrian that when the current run list next gets updated, he'll be put into print, providing he keeps turning up of course. Regularity is all!

And so, eventually aged bodies were cranked up, and home beckoned. As our little car school was leaving the pub, we came across John Robinson and bike! As the Stag is only a few miles from his home, John had apparently decided to include a cycling trip to and from the Hash, as part of his rigorous training programme for the coast to coast cycling expedition that he and quite a few other Hashers, are embarking upon in France next month.
As we ambled by towards the security and comfort of our Lexus, John was busily making sure his chopper headlight was suitably angled. ";It's very powerful" he said. And so were the floodlights that graced the rear of his machine, as we came up to pass him on the way home. ";He could guide planes to their parking spaces at the Airport with those lights." someone said. And when we got in front of him, he not only had this Wembley searchlight, but also an intense flashing light that wouldn't have looked out of place on the wingtip of a 747. You couldn't miss him. Although of course, if you were driving a car you would, which I suppose is the whole point.
I know he's a bit concerned that his Raleigh may not be the ideal steed for the Atlantic to Mediterranean romp, being more of a solid tourer than a sleek lightweight racer, but if he just dispenses with the light show he's going to save half a ton of ballast. Good luck to you mate!

Here's tonight's map link. Clever stuff this. You can draw the route on a satellite image of the area. This makes for more accurate measuring, as you don't have to guess where the trail went, which you do if you're just using the map that's offered, which doesn't give off road details.

Calorie count was 1,126 which when multiplied by the 55 ticks who appeared, meant this trail is only the 3rd one to burn up over 60,000 calories since Baddeley records began.

Tuesday 17th April 2007

Allan Reports about the Boot at Kelsall but Mr Lever claimed responsibility for the first half and Mr Taylor the run in.

After last week's exertions, and a prediction that Doctor Arthur would be a walker this lovely Tuesday evening, he surprised us, by not turning up at all! He missed the second Taylor-Lever production of 2007, one that turned out to be a Hash of two halves. Apparently, they had each set a half of the run, but at different times. Allegedly, Messrs Bodimeade and Horner adopted this unorthodox method of forward planning for their run in Woodford last autumn, and when the event was finished, you couldn't see the join!

The Taylor David was apparently responsible for the first half of this evening's entertainment, which started with nearly all the Hash adopting the usual cry of, ";Never check downhill", and as usual they were wrong. But not at the third check!! From where we came on to Chapel Lane, to its summit where it joins Tirley Lane, is a climb of about 220 feet in a tad under half a mile. That's an average gradient of about 1 in 11, and there are bits that for me are not runnable. I don't know of a steeper and longer bit of road Hashing in West Cheshire. This climb brought us to a muster point at the top, to bring the pack together, and give us laggards a sporting chance of getting lost later than the fourth check.

Having struggled up the grade discussing golfing prospects with Mike Murray who had a map of the route, it seemed sensible to follow his right hand turn at the top, and try and get a bit nearer the front. I'd forgotten that while Mike is a teacher, his speciality is not Cartography, so right was wrong, and we went from front to back again! Having gained all this usable height, Mr Taylor then virtually immediately squandered it all, by dragging us back down a nearly one mile non stop section of the Sandstone Trail that is beautifully dry under foot, but meant we were back on the fens of West Cheshire again, with every prospect of another Alpine assault later in the Hash.

Indeed, three checks later we were steadily climbing up the foothills of Chapel Lane again, with the prospect of a second assault on the upper slopes. ";God, didn't Dave say at the start that there were TWO musters on this Hash!" worried some huffing hasher. ";You're right." gasped his colleague, ";and he didn't say they were in different places!" These two talked themselves into believing the two David's would indeed be masochistic enough to drag us up the bank again, and checked accordingly. Wrong! Indeed Taylor-Lever productions didn't take us up that hill twice, but they did get us past the Boot twice, and up and down the lane they started us on from the pub three times. Nice one guys!

For afters, the pub produced some beer that had more the colour of something the medics call a ";sample" rather than bitter bber. But it tasted excellent!! It was Wheatwoods bitter somebody said, and can be highly recommended. Tonight saw the return of our regular summer visitors, in the shape of John Seymour back from the pissed, and Brooke Saunders back from his usual 6-month holiday in the southern colonies. John has apparently been back a little while, but has been struck down by some malady, that stops his legs pumping, but not his right arm.

Brooke has been trying for some years to become properly legal in OZ, but told me before tonight's start, that owing to some new bureaucratic rule, Australian Immigration are requesting a further Police check on his UK activities. As long as they don't find the page relating to his Hashing activities he'll have a sporting chance! This farce reminded us both of a Peter Ustinov visit to Australia, when Immigration asked him ";Did he have a criminal record?" ";I didn't know it was still a requirement!" replied the raconteur.

The map link for the Boot is below, and it appears that the MapMyRun website has been ";improved". That means that I couldn't get the flashy new graphics to work last week, but a very nice man from there Support team, told me they had had a minor ";outage", but had now found the puncture and mended it. One other feature the site now seems to offer is the option to draw the route on a satellite image of the area. Haven't got that to work properly yet, but being retired, I've got the time.

Calorie count was 1,173. Rob thought it might be more given the hills, but on thinking about it, he felt that his wondrous machinery probably doesn't make any allowance for the ups and downs.

Tuesday 10th April 2007

This hash was at a pub from which we have not previously run - The Tunnel Top at Dutton. So called because underneath the hill is a tunnel for the canal. The honours were done by Dave (hopalong) Arthur helped by Tuppy and supported by Allan ( I think he's trying for the maximum number of stars in a year) Jones.

The start was across the road and down a small road but we were soon dropping down to the entrance of the tunnel and along the towpath for a canter - much to the amusement of the canal boat population. Soon after we cut off into the woods and through the wild garlic before appearing in a field of little trees. Three of these I think were give to uas last but one Christmas as a green christmas present so we were pleased they were looking so healthy. Another twenty years and it will be a regular forest.

With all the running about we ended up nearly at Acton Bridge before turning back along the Canal then a little bit of road some more foot path and a final field of squelch - the only wet bit of the trail.

Nice trail.

Allan's report of Tunnel Top, Dutton – 10.04.07

";That's a funny name for a pub!" said someone a couple of weeks ago, when they asked where we were the week after Easter. It is, but trust me, there are funnier ones! I've recently had one of my regular trips to Leicester to see an old friend, and as usual we had a meal in The Lord Keeper of the Great Seal in Oadby. It's a Wetherspoons house, and they do seem to specialise in names that aren't the Red Lion. A couple of years I broke bread in The Moon under Water in Norbury, South London.

Anyway, Tunnel Top is actually rather boringly named for the canal tunnel that runs underneath the lounge bar. We were here, in this rather run down looking boozer, because a few weeks ago, the good Doctor Arthur asked me to suggest a location that the Hash hadn't been to before, as he was down to set one of his rather rare trails, and he'd like to do something ";new". ";Dutton!" says I. ";Where's that?" says he. I tell him, and he agrees that he couldn't ever remember dirtying his Nikes in this area, so Dutton it was.

The reader of last week's epistle may recall your scribe's plea that the Physician ";should heal himself!" He didn't! The good trail laying Doctor Arthur's body finally failed him at the end of a long non stop trundle along the towpath of the Trent & Mersey Canal, so El Presidente got the promotion to front runner that he really didn't want.

As a few of you have noticed, I have ";assisted" on 5 successive trails, and I confess I have only actually been round one of them before the appropriate Tuesday night. In theory this ought to be an easy way of getting a few trail laying ticks, but trust me, it isn't quite as simple as that!
The one slight downside of looking after the back, is that you have to look after them! You need to wait at the back, until you are sure you have recovered everybody, except Dave Taylor, who has a habit of disappearing off the front, can't be found by the back marker, and then reappears at the front four checks later. This waiting around the rear means that I have to puff very hard to avoid becoming one of the lost last at the next check!

Also, not having actually been round the trail beforehand, does lead to the potential odd cartographic cock up. Having been promoted, the pack and their new ";leader" missed the right turn onto a footpath that Dave had laid to get the Hash off the busy A533. So an extra 600 yards of dodge the traffic was played, before the leaders found another right hand leaning footpath, and completely incorrectly but very sensibly took to the turf. Eventually, the correct trail was stumbled upon, and back to the A533 we went, for a final Arthurian twist. A nice four way check 300 yards from the now visible flood lit pub, produced the hobbling Doctor who had short cutted all the way up the main road, so he could issue a stentorian directive that straight on home to the pub was NOT an option. Mr Ellis duly ignored this instruction, and had done severe damage to his second pint before anyone else crawled into the bar.

Given Doctor Arthur's firm instructions, virtually the whole pack decided the road that looked parallel to the route to salvation (and the pub) MUST be right. Inevitably, right was wrong, and they all had to struggle back to the junction and set off away from home for 30 yards before it was right over a stile, through the only pile of poo on the entire trail, then a final right on the road we started on, and back to the boozer. Adrian Long made only his second appearance this year, and was the most enthusiastic supporter of the wrong route at the end, but was remarkably cheerful about having fulfilled the biblical ";and the first shall be last" philosophy, and so close to a pint as well!

Anyway, there was a general consensus that the Doctor and Tuppy, who helped with the paper tying, had produced an excellent trail. The following afternoon the Doc joined three other Hashers on a 4-hour slog round Sandiway Golf Course. His suspect calf joined with a dodgy back to mean a marginally less than Tiger Woods performance, (although significantly better than the writer). If he runs next week, it will be a miracle!

The calorie count was 1,258, and the route link is as follows. This is the route we ran, NOT the planned one.
http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-kingdom/dutton/330403493

Tuesday 3rd April 2007

Loathe as I am about reporting on my own trail - I am pleased that there are some occasions when you can get away with murder on a trail.

• 1. When the location is a new pub on New territory as with the one I did from Burtonwood
  and
• 2. When it was so long since anyone set in the town that only a few of the existing hashers were present at the time

Last Tuesday was the second one of these. The last time anyone set in Warrington proper for CH₃ was I believe Brian Burgess and John Harborne from the old Quay Tavern in 1988 and was Heather and Gill's 200th. By get away with murder I mean that you can put a simple trail together and the pack will try to complicate it by what they 'know' is the right way. This trail started effectively with two right turns and then curved left all the way round till we got back at 8:58 after about 5 miles.
This is the second installment of my rollback for my Burtonwood trail which was apparently over 7 miles.
The first repayment was the pre-christmas trail which was about 5½ miles but had food.

The trail took us besides the Mersey and then through the little paths to the Corporate lake and gardens in Centre Park then off and down a ratty but convenient footpath that ran between the railway and the Warrington Driving Range. This was followed by crossing the railway bridge to get to the Trans-Pennine Trail.

Warrington used to have a lot of canals at one point some fed round the weir in Victoria Park. One of these was the Black Bear canal which is mostly filled in in the town but is still a fishing and wildlife facility in the area behind 'The Fiddle i'th Bag' between Winwick and Burtonwood.

Shame about the cloud and cool but we got to 20 past 8 without torch resource.

Allan's reports for the last two weeks

Dog Inn 27.03.07 and Waterside Inn 03.04.07

I'm having a Tesco moment. Two Hash reports for the price of one.Your scribe got 5 days parole after Dr Stephenson's Dog trail, and typing wasn't a first priority whilst away in Spain.

Rob is developing an intriguing habit with the trails he has set recently. The last one he did in 2006 featured a closed pub, and an open road, whilst his latest effort had an open pub but a closed road. Eventually, a sizeable pack gathered in the almost completely isolated Dog car park, where Rob looked very sad as he advised his congregation, that owing to an error on the "how many sheets of loo paper is needed to set a Hash" front, this trail was hardly 5 miles long. Rob's sadness was not unanimously shared by the pack, who generally felt a 9 p.m. finish and an early drink, was something they could force themselves to endure.

So, off we went, and due to chronological advancement, we did it in the light! At almost precisely 9 p.m. the bulk of the pack returned to the pub, after a 5.3-mile trundle, across a mixture of tarmac, and gloriously dry fields and tracks! No need to power hose the trainers on Wednesday morning.

Talking to Carol Culley, I discovered she had recovered her bag of running gear that she inadvertently left at the Nag a few weeks ago. A few hard drinking laggards had discovered a sports bag in the Nag, as they were leaving. A quick rummage through its contents produced the unanimous decision this was probably Carol's gear, so Nicky volunteered to take it and deliver it to Carol's work, as they both work in Manchester. On getting home Carol realised the problem, and convinced her husband to drive back to the Nag on Wednesday to recover the slowly mouldering bag and contents. No luck.

So a few days later Nicky wanders down to Manchester Town Hall, where Carol grafts, and says to the security detail, "Can you contact Carol Culley please, so she can come and collect this bag, that's she recently lost?" A simple request you might think. However, in these politically correct and security conscious times, this was not so! Carol was not available. "OK, I'll leave it." says Nicky. Mr Security wasn't having any of that, and by now a member of the Constabulary was involved! Nicky wasn't allowed to go, and the bag had to be opened and searched. Now, the trail from the Nag was a deep and long one, and the mucky gear had been happily communing with itself for some days! You can imagine!
So, out on the main reception desk at Manchester Town Hall comes filthy Nikes, sweaty tights, a mink lined thong, and two or three well used T shirts and tops. OK, I made up the bit about the sweaty tights! Eventually, plod is satisfied that Nicky is not intent on anything more nefarious than an act of kindness, and her chains are unlocked, her passport returned, and she is allowed to leave the real world and go back to her fantasy life of work and family.

When I heard about this escapade whilst glowing gently on 3 pints, I thought it might make an amusing anecdote for the Hash Reports. However, having recently had to endure queuing for an hour just to get through the various security hoops associated with cabin baggage at Manchester Airport last week, my humour reservoir relating to security has gone arid!
The problems were so bad in Terminal 1, that airport staff were pushing their way up and down the queue trying to rescue passengers whose flights were due to depart imminently, because if they were not fast tracked through this chaotic system, then either they would miss their plane, or the Boeing wouldn't go, because there would be hold luggage on the thing with no associated passenger. Eventually, the tannoy announced, "Would passengers whose flights are not due to depart until after 3 p.m. please NOT join the security queue".
By this time we have struggled to Security's first line of defence, manned by a cheerful guard who is checking boarding passes (but NOT passports). "Is this length of queue normal?" I ask. "Oh yes." he says, "but you should look on the bright side, this isn't Easter or the summer holidays, when it'll get busy!" Yes, I know I'm ranting and writing stuff that's not remotely relevant to Hashing, but we do live in an odd real world now. You can't fly on a plane without having your bags X rayed, your body metal detected, and most of the time having your torso frisked, whereas if you take a car on the ferry to Ireland, the security check consists of a bored clerk making sure you have a ticket! I'd be interested if anyone knows what security there is if you go Eurostar to the Continent.

Anyway, back to the Dog, where the evening was brought to a normal intelligent hashing conclusion, when Mr Ellis couldn't find his sweatshirt, which he'd put down when he arrived in the bar. 30 seconds frantic searching behind and under chairs and tables was successfully concluded when Brian Burgess pointed out to Tony that he was wearing the missing garment!

Map my run reckons Rob's trail was a touch over 5.3 miles (see link), a relatively modest distance sort of confirmed by the Baddeley Calorie Count of 967, which is the first time in Rob B's last 6 runs that his exertions have produced a figure of less than 1,000.
http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-kingdom/over-peover/304967710

So, after a very pleasant rural run, the following week promised to be the complete opposite with the Webmeister in charge from the Waterside pub bang in the middle of beautiful downtown Warrington, and a 4 iron from the centre of Eleanor's business empire.

Max promised another relatively modest in length trail, and as the previous week there were no groans of despondency. Warrington has had a lot of cash spent on it in recent years, and Max gave us an early glimpse of some of the results, with a tour of one of the new business parks complete with lawns and fountains. To provide contrast he then took us down the side of the West Coast main railway line, which comes complete with crumbling concrete fence posts and collapsed chicken wire! He followed this up with a wander down the side of a defunct part of the old Runcorn and Latchford Canal, giving excellent views of extensive duck weed growth, which seems to have provided an ideal breeding ground for the expansion of the local rusty supermarket trolley colony.

A slightly worrying development along this side of the canal was the site of a labouring Dr Arthur, who it appeared, had calf problems. It eventually stopped him checking, and he worried me even further, when at the end he said that if his fetlock didn't improve, my role as back marker next week on his trail from the Tunnel Top pub in Dutton might get promoted to front-runner!
Physician heal thyself...... PLEASE!

And so we progressed round what was essentially a square shaped trail, using canal banks, dead railway lines and virtually no tarmac, whilst confusing the fast runners as normal. Brian Burgess made a first class job of going the wrong way, often taking the ever-enthusiastic Mr Hack with him. Chris Newman has had a dodgy leg for a week or three, and the appearance of the walkers going the other way was sufficient for him to resign his position as tail gunner, and make the perfectly logical, and in this case correct decision, that the walkers route was the shorter option. The walkers this week included a very rare appearance of Mr Thistleton. Apparently, whilst running with the On Sec in Knutsford last weekend, Nick scored a 5.9 for technical merit in the falling flat on your face stakes. Blood everywhere! So badly grazed knee caps meant a more sedentary Tuesday evening for Nick.

Cliff Wyatt brought his 10-year-old son Max for the first time, and unfortunately the young lad also tipped over. However, he appeared in the pub afterwards, and the On Sec reckoned he sounded quite cheerful, so hopefully, he hasn't taken to poor an opinion of his Father's nocturnal meanderings.

In the pub, Mr Ellis and I found ourselves two large high backed chairs in a corner to reside in whilst I extracted the "book", and considered the latest financial offerings from Hashers keen to improve their total of ticks. If only!! We found ourselves at the centre of a constantly changing circle of Hashers, who kept us entertained with sometimes coarse banter, brought us drinks and generally made for an extremely convivial evening. "We look like a King and Queen at court", said Tony. A rather unfortunate phrase, as we then set to arguing which one of us was the Queen.

and a link
http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-kingdom/warrington/320273396

TOP

Tuesday 27th March 2007

It was great to be able to start on trail in the light again - if only for about 30 minutes. Rob S had set from the Dog - the site of CH3 first hash - and like his last trail had some slight issues at the start. That last was when he set form a pub that was shut. This time the pub was open but the roads to it were all closed. Following instructions to come from the Whipping Stocks end and to ignore all the 'Road Closed' signs we came up to a barrier across the road but with a narrow lane leading into the pub car park. It was a good turn out with the Edens back from Africa - where they met someone from Mersey Thirstday Hash - small world but wouldn't want to paint it - and Rob started off with an apology. It seems that he had started to set the trail and was a way out when he realised he had forgotten his main stock of loo-roll (the standard Cheshire marking medium - that and a stick of chalk). As a result he had to run all the way back for extra and as a result he was apologising that it may only be about 5-5½ miles and as a result he anticipated that we would be back at the boozer by 9.

The whole hash cheered up at this point and off we went navigating the road works. The trail went at a reasonably brisk rate with me making my usual progess - right, right and then wrong wrong wrong so I spent time catching up. Rob finishesd with his trademark long run in ignoring all footpaths and true to his word we wre back before 9. I was however driving so had to keep the alcohol consumption down while Martin wrapped himself round several more pints and we took him home.

Excellent Trail

Tuesday 20th March 2007

Tonight was a town run set under the auspices of Martin and Allan

Another cool evening - the last before the clocks go forward found us in the middle of Northwich - a slightly reduced number - in the region of 36 including dogs for a hash anounced to be about 6 miles and with 39 checks to anticipate. The hares thoroughly enjoyed their work as they were able to create a trail which was not arduous or muddy made the pack think and look and to Allans joy get it severely wrong directionally. We crossed the river several times and crosses a lot of railway footbridges while also giving at least two performances of 'underneath the arches' with the viaduct.

There was even more entertainment to come as a bunch of people came past as we were changing in the car park and asked the question as to why a bunch of semi naked men were standing in a Northwich Car Park. One young lady approached Martin - at this juncture trouserless - to enquire more closely and even a touch admiringly. Excellent

The fact that it was afterwards in a JD Wetherspoon where the Pedigree was 1.60 a pint helped the evening along further

Allan puts the hares' case for the defense

It was a cold, and grey and windy morn, and another little baby Hash was born in Northwich last Sunday morning. And it was absolutely brass monkeys!! No rain, but a serious hail storm every 20 minutes, coupled with a whipping westerly made conditions ideal, for two hard bitten Hashers to try and work out a trail of devious complexity to lay before the stoic souls who braved the cold on Tuesday night. Your scribe had 5 layers of clothes on, including a padded jacket topped off with a Berghaus Gortex top, making running virtually impossible, so Mr Hack ran the "offs", whilst I was walked the "ons".

Having endured three Hashes in a row where depth featured as much as length, this effort was planned to be different. A mainly urban landscape offered opportunities for controlled confusion, and in the end we had to do some careful planning to keep the number of checks down to 40. An early venture in the woods alongside the Weaver produced a "result" for Martin, who said on Sunday morning, "They'll all think we're going back down these steps towards the river, having just come up the other set of stairs!" Well, they didn't ALL go down and wrong, but Drs. Arthur and Stephenson were among the speedsters increasing Mr Hack's jollity, as he led the rest of the pack up and away from the water.

Having experienced a close shave with water, the pack then immediately endured a novel brush with fire! Some peculiar individual had set fire to a rubbish bin in the wood, which was burning away merrily as the Hash passed by, and as I made sure no-one was left off the back, a dull thud from the bin fulfilled Mike Murray's warning to keep well away, as he thought there were aerosol canisters in the bin! Good call Michael.

We progressed around the town, and back to the Weaver south of the town centre, where the old pedestrian footbridge over the canal, that had been part of our initial plotting, lies in total disrepair. So a loop back towards the centre of town was unavoidable. But this had the bonus effect of allowing us trail layers to make the trail bear right, where the pack's natural instinct was for left and home. The next check was at the railway viaduct, and as I plodded up, I discovered a chortling Mr Hack watching virtually the whole pack grudgingly returning from the left turn they'd made at the bridge. They really did not want to go straight on out towards the Northwich bypass. "It's well gone 9!" someone grumbled. And so it had! 200 yards further on at the next check, and the pack has all gone left again through a small complex of flats. Oh joy! Martin's cup runneth over. The pack had to come back and go right, which was even less popular than the option of the bypass. "Oh no, it's the bloody canal AGAIN!", a voice moaned.

And so on we went, with three more opportunities to go left and home spurned! Remarkably, there was no mutiny that I noticed! There was a minor casualty though, as Simon Parker tripped and introduced himself to the tarmac, whilst Daniel aggravated an old injury, and probably regretted having decided to make a rare appearance, when he saw on the website it was Martin and myself down as trail layers. Apparently, he regards us as anti mud trail layers! Martin anti mud!!! There's an interesting thought.

In the pub, there was much enthusiasm for Wetherspoon's prices! The Penny Black is the old Post office, and the barn like area of the bar, must I think be the old sorting office. It's not exactly a "posh" pub, but more than adequate for Hash purposes. I believe the On Sec is planning a Hash based in Northwich, so perhaps a repeat visit to this cheapo venue may be upon us! Martin would be delighted. This week it was his turn to drive, so no booze, and I'm sure he'd like the opportunity to make up for lost cheap beer.

Tuesday 13th March CH₃ run 1300

Tonights run was set by Nicky and assisted by Rachel - a virgin hare - and Allan (not a welsh rarebit). The latter was apparently recruited, according to him, due to his superior projection technique in identifying the trail - he shouts loudly and can be heard in the next two counties.

The trail was set from Redesmere - a beauty spot down the A34 just north of Siddington. This is very pretty on a warm summers' evening and is a favourite spot for courting couples. Now this was not a warm summers' evening (WSE) but a rapidly cooling March night but as on this evening, when the sky is clear and a mass of stars it is still very pretty.

Well - away we went out of the back of the car park and along the narrow lanes. At this point I was pleased to find my fingerless gloves in my bum bag as my hands were getting slightly chilly. I already has a tube hat on.
I dislike hats but for two reasons

• Having gone a-o-t off a stile at Bickerton.
• Having an advancing forehead so nothing to stop the sweat running into my eyes

I now wear one on trail.

The ground was not bad as we went round having drained quite well except at one point where we were directed to a 'drier' point which turned out to be ankle deep not that it mattered as the kissing gate was also deep.
The trail continued and looped us across the A34 and round the back of Capesthorn Hall before bringing the bulk of the hash back over the fields into the finish

I say bulk as I had cut off before the 2^nd last check and accompanied the On-on sec back with her iffy ankle. On the way we met Dave A coming from the other direction with enough light power in his torch to act as a Manchester airport landing light. He took little persuasion to trot back with us.

Allan reports

Redesmere (Red Lion, Lower Withington) – 13.03.07

A couple of months ago, whilst I was happily putting myself round the outside of my 3rd pint of Frederic Robinson's finest, Nicky came up and asked for the "book". Sensing a victim who wanted to lay a trail, I rapidly acquiesced. She chose the 13th March, noting that it was our 1,300th run, and said Rachel would be assisting her as she had not laid a trail before. Reference was made to virgin trail layers. Well, at some stage we all have to face the inquisitive local asking, "Why are you tying toilet paper to my hedge?"

Anyway, bearing in mind Doctor Arthur's strictures about your correspondent having to moderate his alcohol content for medical reasons, these 2 and a bit pints had had a significant effect on my vertical hold, wallet and most importantly my judgement! I found myself slurring to Nicky something along the lines, "Ah well now, what you folk need is a highly experienced, battle hardened trail layer to act as back up!" After a moments hesitation Nicky said, "Yes, you could be a real help. Thank you!" Having started to dig the hole, I plunged down to the bottom by saying, "It's good to be recognised for one's natural talent and navigational skills." Nicky turning away replied, "Oh no, it's only your loud voice we need, to make sure those at the back don't get lost". It's possible she may have said "big mouth" rather than "loud voice", but I've given myself the benefit of the doubt.

So, come 10 days before this trail, there are the 3 of us doing a recce of the trail, and we come across a new signpost that says "Restricted Byway". None of us knew what it meant. During last week's trail I saw an identical sign, but no one in the pub could enlighten me. So, I thought I'll have a quick google. (Blimey, the spell check doesn't like google. I suppose Mr Gates doesn't like this major competitor.) I digress.Inevitably, Google gave a choice of answers, unusually only 111,000 rather than the more normal number equal to the distance to Alpha Centauri squared. The most understandable one came from the Ramblers Association, but that's not saying a lot! I quote, "As a result of the uncertainty surrounding the definitions of RUPPs, and whether or not they could be used by vehicles, the term BOAT was subsequently introduced." Remember this is an expose on Restricted Byways (RBs??). Anyway, the authorities obviously were on the case as the article continues, "To remedy this problem the Government introduced a further class of highway, the Restricted Byway."

So now we know. From May 2006, all RUPPs became Restricted Byways. I hope you're still with this. It seems that a Restricted Byway is a path/track/green lane, along which members of the public have the following rights.

• A right of way by foot.
• A right of way on horseback or leading a horse (but can you make it drink?).
• A right of way in vehicles other than mechanically propelled
• vehicles, with or without the right to drive animals.
• A right of way for Hashers to use a BOAT on inclement evenings.

All this stuff seems to be the result of the implementation of CROW, which is the Countryside and Rights of Way Act, which has opened up significant parts of the country to walkers. Note that we have a "right of way by foot." Occasionally, irate locals rave on about you can't run on footpaths. Well, CROW doesn't say you can't. Anyway, the recce was duly completed of this rather long trail, and Nicky and Rachel then laid it the following weekend.

Come the evening of the 13th and it's cold, but beautifully clear. Inevitably, there was some sticky stuff, and early on Nicky and Rachel managed beautifully to engineer the entire pack to the left hand side of a bog, when the required kissing gate was on the right. The few of us at the back had the blissful experience of avoiding the bog, and gaining numerous places in the queue for the kissing gate. Nice one!

A little later the pack got rather strung out in front of Capesthorne Hall, on a long section without a check. So one or two were looking for a bit of a short cut towards the end. Peter Horner and Colin Bodimeade were pointed in the right direction, and I then came upon the On Sec and the Webmeister planning similar calorie saving activity. Nonetheless, most of the pack followed the full trail, and all were safely gathered in prior to a quick drive to the Red Lion at Lower Withington for sustenance.

It's funny the range of subjects covered in conversation in the pub after the Hash. Tonight, I had discussions on the pros and cons of electronic hand brakes on the latest VW diesel estate car range, followed by whether it is politically correct to call a bar maid "Love", and finally a conversation relating to a Hasher and spouse who have one of their Mothers living with them. The significance of this is that Mother helps with the domestic chores, one of which extends to ironing underpants! "Where does she put the creases?" asked one Hasher, whilst another helpfully wanted to know, "Does she use starch?"

The Baddeley index tonight showed a consumption of 1,298 calories, and the route was as below.
Map My Run

P.S. A RUPP is a Road Used as a Public Path, a BOAT is a Byway Open to All Traffic, and a HASHER is someone who fortunately doesn't know better.

Tuesday 6th March 2007

Tonight started in an unusual fashion as the report ran around the car park ( checking frequently) that the pub was closing at 10pm. "Tragedy" was the cry - maybe we should do the drinking first and then do the trail. Followed by the remembrance of how hard it was to run comfortably while on the outside of several pints of beer

Now we only go irregularly from the Nags Head at Little Bollington - the last from Tony H and Brian B in 2001. One reason for this is that there is a major road by the front of the pub and the M56 to the side. Let this not put you off and away we went out the back of the pub and over the stile and immediately into a soggy field. Out we went at the end down the side of a garage and into the little lanes and footpaths round Millington and towards Agden.

Unusuial for these particular field was the complete absence of cattle. Last time I set round here - going from the opposite direction from the Wheatsheaf - one of the fields had about 200 head of cattle in it. These became curious as to what I was doing on the stile and ambled over to have a look and so did the bull.
This proved to be sufficient tonnage of beef for me to take the hash the other way.

But as I said this was clear of beasts tonight and we completed the trail in reasonable time to return to the pub

And so into the pub where the first round went well. the second round had problems as the beer ran out. Brave hashers were forced to switch to lager before we mostly left at 10:30

Allan has a few pertinent words for the readership

Nag, Millington –06.03.07

On page 11 of this week's Knutsford Guardian is an article headed "Dead end for Stiles." Having just been watching some football on the telly, I had a sudden flashback to 1966, when the toothless 5 foot 4 inch brute that was Nobby Stiles helped England win a bit of silver plate, but reality returned, and it turns out the reference is to what Hashers recognise as a major barrier to their weekly progress.
It turns out that "the Government says they are a barrier to the disabled." Well, they would be wouldn't they! On tonight's trail, we came across a stile with a farm gate tied across it that raised the bar to nigh on 5 foot! For the first time ever, I wasn't too upset to see the "soft" landing on the other side. Yep, the Government has a point, that one would be a bit tricky with a wheel chair.

If the Government succeeds in exterminating stiles, it will mean an end to one of the Cheshire Hashes regular sports, namely "lob a Labrador" over the woodwork. Sorry Millie (and Boswell, Luinga, Skye, Danny and all the other canine regulars).
It appears Cheshire County Council have £20,000 to set about replacing stiles with kissing gates. Apparently, each transformation will cost about £250! So they've enough cash for 80 stiles. Maybe we should keep a record to help the authorities, as the Guardian reports "it was agreed that Knutsford councillors would start scouring the countryside for offensive stiles." Will they ignore the polite ones? And will the countryside soon be full of 4 x 4 wheelchairs? And what will their carbon footprint be?

I don't think I acquired a lot of carbon on my feet on Tuesday night, but I did acquire other stuff. In his report, the Webmeister expresses mild surprise that no real "beasts" were encountered on this evening's meanderings. Well, they left evidence of their recent presence.Indeed, I feel fortunate to have only acquired their evidence on my shoes. At the end of this trail, the Webmeister led a group of trail survivors directly back towards the cars. Regretably, the direct route did not allow access to the car park by obvious means. There were no gates, or stiles, offensive or not, out of the field they'd dead-ended themselves into. So, it was a hands and knees job squirming through the bottom of the hedge. I reckon Max took about 3 minutes to disentangle himself and his equipment from the thorns of the hedge, whilst trying to avoid the broken glass, rusty cans etc that had been lobbed into the hedge by the public over the last few years. Shit on the shoes seems almost pleasant.

And then, into the pub, which it had been announced at the start, would close at 10 p.m. It didn't, but it did run out of beer! Well, even that's not quite right, as apparently the spotty youth and his lady colleague, who seemed to be the entire crew in charge of the Nag this evening, didn't know how to change a barrel! So, not a bad night to be driving, and having to avoid the drink.

There were a couple of casualties this evening. The On Sec fell at the water jump first time round, but was safely returned to the car park by the Foot Soldier. The damage appears to be a mildly twisted fetlock, and the On Sec was merely taking precautionary action, to make sure that a Doctor's note would not be required for the Wilmslow ½ whatsit in a few weeks time. The second casualty was Mr Ellis's lead over Mr Higgins in the mostest stakes. The former was struck down by some unspecified upper respiratory slap and tickle, whilst the latter remained in perfect condition, and reduced the younger Tony's lead from a Baker's dozen to an ordinary one! The good news for Mr Ellis is that his challenger did say he would be taking some holiday to play golf "later in the year", and so as one door closes, make sure you don't catch your fingers.

Looking at the Hash records, Tony Higgins last missed a Tuesday night on the 6th June last year, when he had last year's golf break. And talking of records, the Baddeley calorie count for the Nag was identical to the previous week's exertions at the Hazel Pear, at precisely 1,224 calories consumed! Also, Mr Hack became only the 11th Cheshire Hasher to run 600 times. Well done. Only about a year and he'll overtake the now virtually extinct Adrian Long into 10th place.

Best guess as to the route, as per this link. I cheated at the end (again), so this may not be quite right.
Map My Run link

TOP

Tuesday 27th February 2007

Allan does the honours

Hazel Pear, Acton Bridge –

First, here's a brief history lesson. Many years ago when one of this evening's trail layers was just about to start Junior School, whilst another was joining kindergarten, the third laid a trail around this area from one of the oddest locations in Cheshire Hash history. Chris Newman had for reasons I have long forgotten, managed to persuade a local resident to let us run from his house. So, "Tom Saunders house" appears as the venue for our 641st run on the 23rd August 1994! As I remember drink AND food were provided, for 15 of us, one who appeared for the first time, and was never seen again! Another one night wonder.

Tom and his wife turned out to be the parents of a slightly more famous daughter, Jennifer Saunders. As we trundled past the front door of Tom's house tonight, I wondered whether Chris had possibly arranged a brief refuelling "pit stop". He explained in the pub afterwards, that this wasn't possible, as Tom and wife had long since moved to Devon, to be near their famous progeny. "More likely, upped sticks and vanished to make sure they never came across Cheshire Hashers ever again!" muttered some cynical soul who had ear wigged this conversation.

Anyway, the Newman clan provided the necessary organisation to get this evening's festivities under way. Much mud was promised, and thoroughly delivered. A crossing of the Weaver Navigation provoked much comment, as its miles to the next crossing point in either direction, to get back to the pub! Some feared the 5-¾ mile promise of trail length was about to be reneged on, others reckoned a quick loop and back over the same bridge was favourite. Most didn't have a clue where they were, and so couldn't care less. There's always some who "know" where we are, and other who haven't a clue. It makes no difference as we all end up in the same bar anyway!

Towards the end of tonight's trail, the route went past old Tom's cottage, and then turned left on to the main road that leads back to the pub. Enthusiasm was manifest, and some at the front were actually running hard! Unfortunately, there was a tricky deviant, sorry deviance at the end of this trail. Having got the salivary juices flowing by bringing us to "the road to the pub" just after 9, the Newman's then popped in a sneaky right turn to the tiny village of Onston. One or seven of the enthusiastic Hashers "missed" the right turn, and so were using their right arms at the bar before the main pack returned having completed the full trail, or indeed more than the full trial.

Leaving Onston, having done a left over one of this evening's endless succession of stiles into yet another boggy field, the remaining front runners found a stile in the hedge on the left, so over and off they went. As they did at the stile leading to the next field. As they did at the stile leading to the next next field! These front-runners were now also showing enthusiasm for running, not because they could taste the beer, but because the next next field had half a dozen rampaging horses in it, so self-preservation had become an issue!

And guess what? We shouldn't have been in the next field, let alone the next next field, as we'd gone wrong! Newman Senior remained at the back to recall those Hashers who had inadvertently discovered the equine connection, whilst his two sons went with those prudent souls who had heard the correct "On On". Into the distance went the prudent, whilst us less fortunate folk tried to follow. With Newman Senior still performing recovery duties at the back, a group of 5 or 6 of us struggled over (another) gate, and dropped into a mucky lane, with no one in sight to give any guidance. Instinct said the pub was left. Indecision said, "Look at the depth of that mud!" Instinct won, and left we went, promptly missing the kissing gate immediately on the right that would have returned us safely to base camp. So left and down into the goo we went. Eventually, we ended up in Onston again! So wrong again!

By now all attempts at trail following were abandoned, so our little band re-traced its steps back to "the road to the pub", and back to the pub we went! So I don't really know exactly what the correct trail was. I've had a guess, and the attached link will give you details.

On the Baddeley calorie consumption count, my guru assures me that he burnt 1,224 calories on tonight's little potter.

One Hasher has queried Rob's figures to the extent of saying awards for CC (calorie consumption), should NOT be awarded to the trail layers who produce an epic that consumed the most of Rob's calories, but rather that his individual figure should be multiplied by the number of people who turned up for that trail. Can you follow all that? For those without an anorak, you can cease reading now!

This new formula would mean that Derek & Roy's route from the Hatton Arms would not now be the leading CC trail, as although 1,336 calories were burnt, only 43 ticks turned up. Thus, 1,336 times 43 gives an overall burn of 57,448 calories. Max's effort from Burtonwood last summer produced an individual reading of 1,333, but 53 ticks appeared, giving a total burn of 70,349 calories. At 182 calories per pint, that means 386 pints would have to have been consumed to compensate!! In one night!!!

Enough, I hear you cry. You're right.

Tuesday 20th February 2007

We are getting into this year at a great rate. The nights remain unseasobably mild - this was about 7 °C but I thought I'd keep to tracksters as it means less mud to scrape off afterwards.

Tonight was from the Shrewsbury Arms near Oulton Park Race Course and the hares for the night were Richard G backed up by his son Christian. There was a hint of rain as we set out but nothing serious - the first couple of checks took us along the road towards the west before we went off South into the routes behind Little Budworth.

It was one of those nights when not many of my selections went right so I ended up trundling around the middle explaining that "No I didn't really wimp out of the trail at the Leathers Smithy "- but felt that I should fix the computer I had so cunningly and nearly thoughly bollixed up. It took a lot of time to rescue everything and get the email and web loading stuff working. ( note .. Must find a 300G USB drive to back up everything to...)

Back to the trail. The trips into the fields and woods were not as severe as I had feared - some comments were made that if we had been around Knutsford we would have been knee deep in clarts but Litlle B was draining well.

With the trail moving at a good pace we looped our way passed Oulton and then out through Little Budworth to take a bridle Path mostly back to the main road where we had a short run in to the pub and some much needed Robinsons. - Good trail both.

Allan J puts finger to keyboard again for another of his consumate epistles - How does he remember wher the trail went - I have difficulty remembering the county.

Shrewsbury Arms, Little Budworth – 20.02.07

This part of Cheshire is one of my Hashing favourites. The underlying Triassic Siltstone rocks drain beautifully, and with the odd exception one can hash here without serious clogging up of the Nikes. Tonight, young Mr Goulding was in charge, with one of the even younger Master Gouldings providing support and assistance to those of us who thought they knew where they were, when they didn't! Why when one makes a cartographic faux pas does it always happen that when you are trying to retrieve your error, the distance to the next check is always at least 5 miles? And why does some normally fairly myopic speedster then find the next 3 checks on the spin, leaving you with even more reasons to whinge! Me get a check wrong? Me whinge? Guilty on both counts your honour!

At least the evening was dry, although just as we checked at the pub to get started, a few drops of moisture wandered earthwards, to the consternation of a number of Hashers who would have tooled themselves up with some waterproofs had the precipitation started a couple of minutes earlier. Anyway, those few dozen drips were all we had, and off we went thankfully into the silver birches of Little Budworth Common, which seem to have survived quite well following the gales of a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, silver birches only last 50 to 60 years, and most of the Common's trees are of that breed, so somewhere just round the turn of the centenary of the opening of the old Wembley, there's likely to be loads of firewood available.

I digress. Our happy band padded onto the Common, mindful of Mr Gouldings sermon on the perils of rabbit holes, and your scribe then got a check right! All on his own, with no help! YES!! The trouble with getting one right is that I then think I can do it again. Did I mention earlier that I had a bit of navigational corruption towards the end?

We had a short spell of running away from the Common, where we encountered a bit of more earthy corruption. A farmer had laid a long narrow strip of what he probably regarded as fertiliser across one of the fields. It was unavoidable and many Hashers did NOT call it fertiliser! Anyway, we ploughed through the s**t back to the Common, and then with a little uphill diversion across the only newly ploughed field north of the Costa Brava, we returned to the tarmac heaven of Little Budworth, and a bit of an S bend route then took the pack back to the pints. Many Hashers know, or in one case think they know how to get from Little Budworth to the Shrewsbury Arms, and so the pack got a bit spread out at the end. But all were safely gathered in.

Rob Baddelley let me know his digital chromatic wrist mounted computer thingy told him he'd burned 1,099 calories attempting to read Mr Gouldings mind. I made a note. I'd lost the piece of paper I'd put a few of his previous Tuesday night readings on, so I E mailed him to see if he still had a note. He had! For every trail he's been on since he started 12 months ago! Rob says he's a bean counter by trade, and so all these seemingly trivial and useless tits bits have been happily saved. I feel a new trophy coming, or maybe two. We could have a CH3 Award for the trail layer who has done the mostest for slimming. Currently, Derek and Roy's recent trail is in front with 1,336 calories used. Max's effort in Burtonwood last summer is second, by precisely 3 calories! Rob tells me, that Martin and I currently comfortably hold the Couch Potato Award for least calories consumed, with my Marbury Park design in December, which used a paltry 698 of Rob's calories. I must try harder.

Finally, our trail reckoned tonight's exercise stretched over 6 miles.My guesstimate on mapmyrun came to 6.09. Judge for yourself with this link.

http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-kingdom/little-budworth/255583258

Tuesday 13th February 2007

Allan does the honours - He is getting most regular and practiced at this.

Leathers Smithy, Sutton – 13.02.07

What a thing of contrasts Hashing is! Last week we had a very long, flat, cold and dry one. Tonight was fairly short, distinctly undulating and bloody wet!! Some scientific Hasher told me the temperature was not low for this time of year, but with a good breeze laden with moisture whipping across Ridgegate Reservoir as we changed back into civvies, I was freezing! We had no walkers tonight for the second time this winter, and folks you made a good decision! We couldn't even change in the shelter of the pub car park, as Paul and Cliff had been "warned of" by the landlady, when they acquainted her with our desire to boost her Tuesday evening profits. She would allow the Hash to drink, but strip teases had to be performed on the road, so her regulars could park in the pub car park. There were 9 customers in the bar when the Hash arrived for a pint.

The foul combination of weather and half term combined to reduce our numbers to 29. Young Daniel O'Brien returned not having appeared since his New Years trail through Bollington, where your scribe broke his leg! He said he's had the "odd niggle" recently.The temptation to reply along the lines of "And have you had an injury or two as well" was only just resisted. Anyway, really nice to see him back. He brought his friend Andy Skelhorn, who probably holds the record for most trails laid compared with actual appearances. He's joined us 18 times since his debut in 1997, and laid trails on about 13 occasions! He is Daniels's assistant when Mr O'Brien is in charge.

We had another little injury tonight, with David Taylor doing something unpleasant to his torso. I confess I didn't know he was running until he appeared in the bar. Apparently, he had been a late arrival at this Tuesday night's ball, and things had not improved as he scurried round to catch up. Hopefully, this is nothing serious, and I'm also told that Cat is improving following her little contretemps last week near Warrington.

Otherwise a good evening was had, with the long stretches between checks being restricted to the downhill bits towards the end of the trail, where most knew precisely where they were, and their enthusiasm for a fast finish couldn't be curbed. Rarely does Mr Ellis sprint, but with a cold night, the bonus of an unexpected lift being given to save him driving, he was not lacking pace as the clock ticked past 9 p.m. He even managed to sample some scotch in the pub (out of his own money you understand!) His feeling of benevolence even extended to subbing me for a modest scotch to round off the evening. He's a very nice man.

P.S. I have a thin blue Fusion top that someone left in the pub.

Tuesday 6th February 2007

It was a cold and frosty night and one by one my car load cried off - Maggie for the spurious reason that she was in Woking - Helen S as her youngest had Chicken Pox - Brian G as he didn't want to pull anything But Martin H was still up for it as it gave him the opportunity to try for more beer as I was driving.

The pub was the Hatton Arms which has quite a large Car Park opposite it where we all proceded to gather - ready for the off and slightly wary as Derek's last trail was on the long side. Not to worry he and Roy announced "The original was 12k but we took a bit out to be around 6 miles". It turned out a little longer than the following is my take on what I did MapMyRun - Hatton Arms Others may disagree. According to the site I used up 1060 calories.

There were one or two slight difficulties to the trail - when we crossed the motorway for the second time there was a farmer on the track for those who went straight on advising us that we were on a private road and had to go back to the footpath.
As D & R had set the trail along here on Saturday there was a piece of constructive hash knitting to be done to bring us round to the trail again - this was a slight extension.

At about this point we had a couple of injuries manifested - Steve A had apparently pulled his hamstring and Cat sustained a knee injury which prevented her running further. This was now the furthest point ot from the on-inn. Mike M galloped off to get his motor to do a little rescue work and Roy kept the residue heading in approximately the right direction . Many of the later checks were run through to bring us home while it was still opening time.

When all were back Dave A had a look at Cat and suspected a damaged Patella and the on-on sec started arranging travel options to get Cat back for care and her car back with her. Martin busied himself with the important role of getting the ale in and all took on their role of consuming where appropriate.

It is to be hoped that the injury is not long lasting.

A delayed report from Allan as I managed to break my puter.

Hatton Arms, Hatton – 06.02.07

"Question 1. What nationality was Charles II ‘s wife?" queried the loud speaker in the lounge bar. Yes, dear reader, another Hash where the pub selected with great care by the trail layer(s) had a quiz night. There ought to be a database of pubs giving which night they hold what event. We could then avoid them!

Quizzes and the Cheshire Hash don't usually mix too well. The long-term resident inmates of the pub normally want quiet, whilst they work out they don't know where on earth the Merry Monarch's missus, Catherine of Braganza, came from. The Hash wants to chatter increasingly loudly after drink is taken, and tonight there was much to chatter about.

This was our first trip to the Hatton Arms, and the local firm of Kemsley Clark had control of the steering. Derek delivered the pre-run sermon before the off, advising the assembled freezing and uninterested Hashers, that tonight's fare consisted of a banquet of 12 kilometres (7 ½ miles) and 21 checks. Complete silence for a moment. Then with true comic timing Derek continued, "OK, now I've got your attention, we chopped a bit out, and it's really only 10.5 kilometres (6.6 miles)." There was a sense of great relief, and much smiling in the car park. Nice one Derek, if you'd just told them straight out they were going to have to do over 6 ½ miles, they'd have bitched.

And so off we trotted. Slightly worryingly we did 4 quick checks in not very many yards. Peter Horner muttered "I don't like Hashes with 3 mile run ins!" More of that later Peter. So south over the M56 we plodded, and then left across the A49 and into Lower Stretton. Now, this is decision time I thought. If we don't go back over the M56 at the Lower Stretton junction, it's a LONG way to the next bridge over the motorway.

It WAS the LONG way to the next bridge over the motorway. Having gambled that the proper motorway junction would be used, I checked wrong, and hence found myself as tail gunner as we headed down to the farm on Stretton Moss, where if we'd taken the path right we would be within 600 yards of Mr Hack's abode. A watering stop on the way round? Sadly, no. Away left we went, and I came upon a struggling Steve Argles, who told me he'd done something dodgy to an area near his groin! Trail layer Roy K was on the scene making sure none of us lambs were left to the wolves, and gave Steve directions should he want to short cut to the pub.

And so on over the narrow bridge across the motorway we went, to find the gravel road blocked by a 4x4 with main beams blazing. After discussions between Kemsley Clark and the alleged landowner, it became apparent; that the road we were on was not public. Oops. An about turn had to be made, and an alternative escape route planned, which I suppose inevitably, took us at 180 degrees away from the pub. This principally rural diversion added about 2/3 mile to the planned route. Yes, you know what's coming – a rather late arrival at the Hash car park!

Having arrived at a main road, I grabbed a quick look at Roy's map, and decided that at 20.55, I'd go straight back down said road to the pub. I had company. Peter Horner joined me and reminded me that he "didn't like 3 mile run ins!" It turned out to be only 2 ¼ miles. Messers Bodimeade and Murray also decided that the B5356 had never looked so attractive, and used their modern highly tuned motors to leave poor Peter and I behind to dispute the position of tail gunner. Towards the end of our trek, some front-runners who'd followed the real trial blazed past us, as they missed out the last couple of fields, and were happily if coldly down to their Y fronts before the Horner Jones bus returned to base camp.

There, Mike Murray asked me to look after the Newman boys, who he'd brought in from Sandiway. "Tell them I'll be back to take them home, but I'm going to collect the wounded!" he said, and off out of car park he went. Mike has played Holby City before, notably when he rescued Eleanor from Ermintrude last summer. Tonight he returned with a distinctly damaged Cat, who had been knee capped! Apparently, at the end of our enforced diversion, she had safely negotiated the country bit, but literally fallen foul of the first lane.

She limped into the pub, and Dave and Rob that evening's duty Docs took charge and performed an examination on Cat somewhere in the vicinity of the ladies loo! There was considerable concern about whether she had fractured a kneecap! Now Cat lives in Handforth and had driven to Hatton on her own. A masterly piece of Hash strategic planning was then produced. Dave would drive Cat to Macclesfield Hospital for X rays, ECGs and anything else relevant, whilst Mrs Dave (Tuppy) would be taken home by Paul & Helen Jackson. Heather would drive Cat's car to the Hospital and then return home with Dave, leaving Cat and car at Macc to be collected by Cat's parents. Are we all OK with that so far?

Anyway, I rang Cat on Wednesday afternoon to see how much damage there was to her bodywork. "Could I ring you back?" a harassed sounding Cat immediately said. "OK" says a slightly worried I. A few minutes later Cat rang, to say sorry for cutting me off, but she had just been waving her parents goodbye as they left for a long holiday in the colonies. 4 weeks in Australia I seem to remember. They had safely recovered their daughter and motor from the hospital early Tuesday morning, and then had to set too with the packing! An ideal preparation for a 21-hour flight. Good job we don't hash on a Wednesday night as Cat recovery would have been much more complicated, with her Mum & Dad high over the Indian Ocean.

So, "How are you?" I asked. "Fine" she said. No broken patella, just marked soft tissue bruising. Phew! She's stuck at home for at least a week, having been tubi gripped round the offending leg, and issued with crutches. She can't work until she dispenses with the walking aids, as apparently her Civil Service employers have a Health & Safety policy, that doesn't allow staff with crutches the opportunity to further damage themselves by tripping over electric leads and the like in their office

Basically, she sounds fine, and much better than one or two of us feared. She is even talking of risking Hashing again when she mends! What a brave girl.

So an eventful and lengthy Hash can finally be metaphorically laid to rest. In the end we did do Derek's threatened 12 K, although by default and not design. Young Rob Baddeley reckoned his wrist computer told him that he had burned 1,336 calories following the trial. A new high on the Baddeley index. Last week at the Jackson's Boat, he'd only consumed about 880, a current low mark. I see from the website that the Webmeister has now started to play with MapMyRun, which also seems to give the operator a chance to measure calorific output. I feel a new Hash prize coming on. The Hash that burns the most calories! Where will it all end. Hopefully, hashing won't!

P.S. I hope Cat is Cat and not Kat. Sorry if I have this worng.

TOP

Tuesday 30th January 2007

Peter and John were down for the trail tonight but as the two had coem down with a severe bout of man-flu Brian B stepped in to help them out for what was announced to be a mere 5 miler round the ponds at Sale Water Park

There was a constant stream of arrivals who had read the instructions on the web site but had still managed to miss the turn along to Jackson's Boat and drive all the way round to Deckers - a Restaurant which Martin says he has eaten at and enjoyed. Tied with this constant stream was a barrage of mild abuse at the hares that they had left the car park in such a muddy state.
The eventual turn out was good at about 52 including walkers and dogs and included a re-visit by Jenny's younger brother Phil (not Richard as previously reported).

I had never hashed round here before though I know Peter R has set here a couple of times. It is interesting in that there are plenty of routes which cut off and cross each other but most are not metalled so easy on the foot but occasionally not on the ankle. Eleanor was back after her tumble over Millie last week and extra wary as the canals and water were fairly close a lot of the time so she didn't want to turn the night into a biathlon

The hases took the liberty of bringing the trail back past the starting point but early enough that no-one took the option of running in. Eventually we took a turn off onto a road which led us up to J6 of the M60 and we swung down to Sale Golf course for a steady trundle back bothered by only a few extra checks. We were all back at the cars by 9 and changed and in for some Timothy Taylors.

Also on in the pub was a music evening with a band playing Cajun music. Not certain if they were Zydeco but the washboard chestplate was impressive.

El Presidente my dear Watson

This venue is a rarity for the Cheshire Hash, although NOT as rare as the records show, if the On Sec is to be believed! She reckons she and her Foot Soldier have laid a trail from here in the Carboniferous era, but if so, it's slipped under "the book's" radar.

The most notable feature of this evening's entertainment was the pub car park was in worse condition than the trail! Muck everywhere! In fact, after a slow paddle round the car park, I decided to put the motor on the side of the access road. No muck there, but when we'd finished the run, the On Sec kept having to open and close the back door of the car as she tried to change, to let fresh punters down the road as they arrived to witness the pub's live band!

Fortunately, the band consisted of a quite large group of elderly gentlemen at least as old as Mr Ellis and I, who did their acoustic thing in the back of the bar, and couldn't be heard, in the bottom bar where most of the Hash gathered. There were no Mega Atlas amplifiers in use to spread the musical melodies over the Mersey.

And over the Mersey the trail went. I think we trundled round Sale Water Park, which I once went through in the 1980's, but 20 plus years of vegetation growth has changed the landscape entirely. Silver birches everywhere. John Richardson, and his emergency back up Brian Burgess offered a neat 5-mile trail, as Peter Rose's planned co-operation was iced by a NSCI (apparently that's a non specific chest infection). A very good non-tarmac trail it was, with a nice long run in to keep some of the hares happy. Nobody lost, no bodies stretched out on the floor (or in the Mersey), so all safely gathered in by 21.00!

Tuesday 23rd January 2007

The trail by the two Davids was from the Chetwode Arms - just tucked beside the A49 south of Warrington. An interesting little pub - a warren of little rooms which we were to dissappear into later. However I can't tell much about the trail as I joined the walkers for the night - a little group of 5 with 2 dogs.

We comprised Maggie, Myself, Tuppy, Jo and Peter R with Bob and Linga on 4 legs. We went off on a simple square route up to Higher Whitley and then round Old mill Lane and back across from Goosebrook to the Grove and home. A distance of about 5.5 km. The hash itself must have been motoring as we met them twice and they got back by 9 o'clock. I'm sure someone will enlighten us on this event.

We also have a report from a very famous orthur ( well Nicky really )

Chetewode Arms

A couple of big voices and some last minute remedial action to refresh storm-battered markers, ensured that the trail ran to order. Mr Lever had forecast heavy mud, but ground was nicely crisped by a keen frost and the icy crust kept all but the heavy footed out of the mire.

It was good to see Paul Fairbrother making an early charge through the pack with the sort of energy and gusto that have been his trademark over the last year or so. We'll miss him - and his odd socks.

Poor Eleanor was an early casualty when Milly decided to make an emergency stop, sending her sprawling to the tarmac. People rushed to help - curiously, John Mooorhouse rushed off with Milly (or was it the other way round?).

True to form, David and David ticked all the boxes for a smooth and contented hash: plenty of checks, no one was lost, the pack kept together and kept moving at a good lick. We all got back to the pub smack on 9pm and the ladies' loos rated best in class for soft furnishings, soft paper and pot pourri.

"Back straight on"
J.K.Rolling

And from Allan as well...

Tonight was the first Taylor-Lever Production of the New Year.Just over 6 miles and 27 Czechs were promised. Apparently, the Poles are not the only East European peoples now regularly encountered in Cheshire.

Yes, I know, a bad joke, possibly even in poor taste, and it's all downhill from here. It certainly was for Eleanor, who I was chatting to as we left the pub. She was regaling me with the story of the bells at her work, which had been ringing rather out of tune, the previous Thursday afternoon. Apparently, the building Eleanor bosses over had a bell tower. In the zephyrs that whistled across the country last week, the bell tower lifted up (briefly) and off, before turning right and down, bouncing once on the ridge tiles, twice on the sloping roof, and thundering into the ground outside the offices, nearly taking Oliver Cromwell's head off!

Oliver is a twice life size concrete statue standing outside the Warrington Guardian offices, that I once saw a young lady walk by, looking down at the ground whilst making the sign of the cross herself, before scuttling away at great speed. Must be a closet Cavalier. Anyway, down went the bell tower, to be followed by Eleanor. One moment she was running next to me, complaining of the cost of the repairs to the building, and the next she was shooting horizontally forward at high speed into the tarmac. Ouch!

The culprit was Millie, her dog. Millie loves hashing and was towing Eleanor hard, but once we are "off", a "domestic" need manifests itself, and invariably Eleanor has to stop within the first couple of checks, for relief to be granted to Millie. Tonight, Millie simply stopped! No warning! No brake lights. Eleanor had no chance, and went straight over the canine handlebars. She seems to have more or less survived, although I understand there were some creaks and groans manifesting themselves in the pub!

The rest of the Hash seemed to pass off peacefully, but speedily. I had to ask Mr Lever for a map half way round, as the pace was too swift for me. I encountered the walkers going the other way, and apparently they were somewhat late getting back to the pub, although I think the pre 21.00-hour finish for the runners was the problem. Mr Ellis was positively elated at the early finish. Then his crest fell as he remembered he was driving.

Safely ensconced in the pub, young Rob Baddeley was checking the Hash distance on his wrist computer. Wonderful piece of kit, although without my glasses I can hardly see the screen, let alone the distance/time/lat-long/route map et al information that Korea's finest gives him. Having screwed my eyes in, Rob showed me the categories on the screen, one of which believe it or not, told him he had consumed 1,076 calories on the run. With only 182 calories in a pint, no wonder we all feel like a drink at the finish!

It's funny how a conversation changes subjects without the participants really appreciating it. Rob, Clive Posford and I were happily chatting about Rob's calories, and then within half a pint, we'd wandered to buying cars, and on to running shoes. We got to talking about Running Bear the sports shoe shop in Alderley Edge.I've recently bought a new pair of trainers there, and commented how many staff were on duty in such a small shop. Clive said the staff are all very keen runners. He'd recently turned up for a competitive run, and noticed Running Bear had a mobile sales shop available for the punters before the start. As the time for the off approached, the sales van was closed down, and locked up, and the staff appeared out of the van door all dressed up in running gear. Clive said by the time he finished in the middle of the field, the Running Bear staff had all finished and got the shop open again.

I took a trip to Running Bear in view of the sad state of my Tuesday night trainers. For a while the top and soles of my shoes have had a trial separation. You know how it is, modern shoes can't take much more than a winter of hashing. Anyway, this separation had become almost a divorce, with the glue only holding the top and soles together at the heel and toe end.

Because these had been good shoes, I took one of them in to Running Bear, to show the staff what I wanted, and to see if I could get the same make and model. Inevitably, the manufacturers don't now do the required GXL model, but have graduated to the twin turbo cyclonic overhead head camshaft version. Eventually, I settled on a new pair, and asked my helper, "Do you still do discounts for running club members?" "Yes" he says, taking my newly boxed shoes to the till, instructing the financial lady to drop the list price for this "Cheshire Hash" customer.

As I'd not mentioned which running club, I asked, "How did you know I'm from the Cheshire Hash?"
"I've seen your shoes!" he said.

TOP

Tuesday 16th January 2007

The Trail tonight was from the car park behind Sainsbury's in Wilmslow with an on-inn at the Coach and Four. Our hares were the On-On Sec and Nick - the Foot Warrior and was attended by a goodly number - including the dogs about 51 on a night that was raining when I left home in Lymm but not in Wilmslow so I could run without needing windscreen wipers on the specs.

We set off at a good steady run and were soon checking among the streets of the town moving us over railway bridges and then through the Carrs - reminiscent of the trail they set during the Foot and Mouth year 4 years back - but in reverse.

One of the entertaining sights at the end was Mike M Racing in against young Jenny. Competitive Him?

Tonight was also almost the last Cheshire trail for Paul F for quite a while as he is off to New Zealand with Rhona as she has a job there. At the end I was uncertain if he had got round as he was not apparent on the run in and it was not helped by Dave A saying that he had spotted him on his way across the River Bollin by foot - confirmed by Paul who had thought it would be a simple short cut apart from the fact the river was a bit swollen with the rain - He ended up doing a hash fan dance in the car park as he exchanged his wet kit for dry without the aid of a fan or towel.

Rachel - who had said she had to go straight off - nevertheless found herself unable to leave until he had finished - just out of curiosity?

The pub was very pleasant though the beers were a touch slow at being pulled. Overall a good trail and a good evening.

Another from Allan as well. His keyboard see much use..

Coach and Four - Wilmslow 16.01.07

As we drove home last week from the Fools Nook, the On Sec said, ";Well, I can tell you now, next week is NOT going to be anything like that!" Until then I hadn't realised that Heather (and Nick) would be responsible for the next flight plan. So come this Tuesday, we got urban not rural, streetlights not torches, and mud not mud!

OK, so there wasn't as mud in area terms, but the depth was much the same. It still came into my shoes. When I mentioned this afterwards to our On Sec, I was castigated for long cutting from the Fools Nook. Apparently by struggling round an unnecessary extra ½ mile, Nicky & I missed the REALLY deep s**t last week. That's a bit like the classic trail layers phrase, ";It wasn't wet when we laid it! "

Anyway, 19.50 came at the now runway like expanse of Sainsbury's car park in Wilmslow still glistening from the modest splittering of rain that had miraculously (and again) died out, just before we set off running. Nick outlined the menu of delights that were to follow. We were not long in sampling them. 4 checks in and 5 Hashers lost! Apparently, and I only got the story second hand, this little group of speedsters shot correctly up an alley, where on the left hand side, some ladies were engaged in floodlight hockey practice. The check on the right hand side of the alley was missed!

The group arrived at the main road by Wilmslow station, where they fanned out at speed to try and find the On On, and capitalise on their current front running good fortune. No luck, so nothing unusual there. However, what was a bit more worrying was the lack of reinforcements coming up the alley. Eventually, the retreat was sounded. Back down the alley they went, admiring the ladies now on their right hand side, so they still missed the check which was mysteriously now on the left hand side.

Amongst this group of lost boys was Nicky, who for the second week in a row was not quite where she wanted to be. (See last week 's report for the unexpurgated truth.) Apparently, tonight she later made reference to all these bloody CAMs she was surrounded with. Now not being great on acronyms, it had to be explained to me that what Nicky meant by CAMs, was Competitive Alpha Males! Never having heard of such animals (I even had to have WAGs explained to me at World Cup time), I typed Competitive Alpha Males into Google and got, "; All alpha males are aggressive, competitive, and driven to achieve. They think big, aim high, and attack their goals with courage, confidence, and tenacity. ... "; Wow! Is that what it takes to front run a Hash?

The article went on to say, ";The alpha male drive for dominance that once assured the survival of the toughest has become increasingly maladaptive." Now I was in trouble! Big words being used. Anyway, it doesn't look as though being a CAM is quite what it used to be. They certainly have a little trouble with their checks.

Meanwhile the remaining 41 of us had turned right at the troublesome check, gone up and over the railway bridge, across the by-pass into the posher side of town, where the best class of mud is served. As usual at this stage, Hashers not present at the off come motoring by, including John Moorhouse (300 up tonight), and the taller thinner Newman boy amongst them. Why are the Newman's nearly always late? Christopher, can you help me with this? I have this slight worry that at 19.45 on Tuesday night the Newman motor is probably being given the full Schumacher treatment!

Anyway, onwards on the trail, and down to The Carrs. I've occasionally wondered why this area of green near Wilmslow town centre has this odd name. Tonight of course it was as much brown as green, what with all the recent precipitation. Of course, at night the whole bloody trail just looks monochrome. (I nearly typed black and white there, but of course, under New Labour one has to watch one's political correctness!)

A couple of checks later Mr Lever was very nearly not able to see colours or monochrome at all. A low flying branch nearly took his eye out, and actually did take his contact lens out! We have had the odd nasty moment recently. John Richardson returned for a walk tonight after a two-week break, following his aerial flip over a roadside pipe on the first trail of the year from the Bulls Head at Davenham. Apparently, earlier this Tuesday he'd seen the Practice Nurse who warned him against any running, whilst still digging bits of tarmac out of his elbow! Both our wounded soldiers made it into the pub, and anaesthetic was taken, not only by Dave and John, but the rest of us who never need an excuse.

Tuesday 9th January 2007

I was missing last week so this is my first report for 2007...and a close run thing it was

Bridget and Carol set tonight from the Fools Nook to the south or Macc and due to routing difficulties the Lymm bus - comprising me Maggie and Martin took a while to get there - arriving at about 7:57. The car park was full so I had to park up a side lane and Maggie joined the walkers who had waited for her. They gave Martin and me a map for the trail proper saying that they had been gone a while and the pack had gone 'thataway'.

A quick study of the mapled to a couple of conclusions - there were not a huge number of checks (16) and there were no points at which we could cut across and shortcut to meet the pack. It looked mostly a big loop. After idscarding the idea of running the trail backwards to join them we set off - uphill and off towards Gawesworth.

Several (many) muddy fields later we reached Gawesworth having faintly heard the cries of on-on but then we ground to a halt near the Harrington Arms while we worked out that we had more fields to cross and that we had heard the pack because they were going in the opposite direction to that we had just come but about 5 fields across

Those still awake will have worked out that we still had work to do but after a mere six fields more we caught up with Bridget - backmarking - at a muster point where she thought we were three other people.

Two stretegies now appeared - Martin's to catch the rest of the pack - Mine to trot along with the hare and recover from the catch-up. This latter proved to have been very valuable when it turned out that Martin had then joined a group which headed off to North Rode and not down the canal - as Martin had a map he was able to look and pull people back but the trail then continues - with checks but no deviation back along the canal to the pub and a few welcome pints.

As the early rain had vanished the trail was gloriously muddy but otherwise a good reason for turing out, Very good B+C

El Presidentes view and history lesson

The Fools Nook is not a well-used Hash venue, this being only our third visit. The last was in 2005, when young Daniel (buggered cartilage) O'Brien was in charge, and he couldn't resist the contours to the east. Wondrous views of Shining Tor, Shutlingsloe and Kilimanjaro were provided, before the curtains came down on a pleasant evening, as my torch finally failed after a winter's service, as I trudged at the back of the pack, round the very sticky non public footpath round the edge of Sutton Reservoir. I was driving that night too! So, you can appreciate the optimism with which I approached the 1291st Cheshire Hash.

Tonight, Bridget and Carol were in control. Before the off, Bridget announced ";It was very muddy when we laid it." She left a dramatic pause, before continuing, ";and it's been raining hard ever since!" As usual, these predictions of doom were ignored by the pack, but not so her final comment, namely that the trail apparently ";has 16 checks and is a little over 6 miles." Rob Stephenson was so enthused, he positively gambolled across the car park, turned his one good ear to Bridget, to seek confirmation that there would really be only one check per seven hundred yards. Receiving confirmation, he bounded out of the car park yelling, ";I love these trails without checks!" and turned sharply left completely the wrong way up the hill.

Instead, it was over the level crossing across the Macclesfield Canal, and away off towards Gawsworth. 3 checks and a mile and half later, we were in the village desperately listening for ";On Ons" whilst the local campanologists were working ever faster with their ten bob majors to make sure they were not late into the Harrington Arms. Oh, and it had been VERY muddy on the fields approaching Gawsworth, with much limb flailing in desperate attempts to restrict bodily contact with the slime, purely to the soles of our shoes.

Now having reached Gawsworth, the options for a trail that has to go back to the Fools Nook are limited!

Dr Arthur had been here before. In October 1994, he laid one of the longest trails on any Hash anywhere from the Harrington Arms. The length was inadvertent, as the equipment he used to measure the route led him astray. In those Stone Age times, no Internet based, Sat Nav equipped, GPS inspired measuring technology was available. He had used what looked like a cross between a pen and a thermometer to calculate the distance. This orange plastic device was pen shaped, but with a little wheel where the nib should be, with a sliding scale on the side to show the distance.

Despite a post 21.30 finish that night, he insisted the route was only 6 ¼ miles, and 3 measurements with this benighted piece of day glow polycarbonate confirmed he was right. However, there was still much suspicion as to the accuracy of its claims.

A measurement with a proper wheel the following day, showed he'd actually laid an over 8-mile monster. The following Tuesday the Hash performed it's only funeral service to date, when a dozen pint glasses ceremoniously battered the plastic pen into oblivion. David then announced that when he'd originally planned his route, the now defunct wheelie thing had told him his trail was under 6 miles. So, he had added an extra loop!

The significance of disinterring this ancient fable for you dear reader, is that when Dave reached Gawsworth church from the Fools Nook, he thought ";I've been here before, but backwards!" This evening's trail had so far, with the exception of his extra loop, been the exact reverse of his 1994 escapade. So, gathering up an unsuspecting Cliff, he set off to again run his most infamous trail, but the other way round. Claiming to have found all the markers, he and young Cliff were back in Fools Nook at 21.05. They won by nearly 20 minutes! No one else tumbled to the fact that Bridget and Carol were inadvertently reversing Hash history, by producing a mirror image of Dave's effort. They had no idea, as neither had attended Dave' folly, Bridget being on a sabbatical at the time, whilst Carol was only 3.

The 2007 group were far more concerned with making sure they were not featured in a Ray Mears Survival TV show, as examples of how NOT to deal with a malevolent British countryside. The footpath from Gawsworth church runs for 1 ¼ miles to the nearest point of salvation, with no possible checking options. To add to this non stop pain, the already heavy going became what the great Peter O'Sullivan once referred to when describing a particularly boggy Grand National – bottomless!

A muster was provided when this footpath reached a road. The relief was only temporary before we all plunged back into the fields, detoured round a farm yard full of a group of Jersey milkers, before a stile produced the second check in 2 ¼ miles, with a rough track going right, and a footpath wending away left. Now, some ********* then called ";On On right". I followed perhaps 20 odd souls down the track, which turned, into a made up lane, and 200 yards later there's a road, next to a floodlight church. Having suffered complete navigational disorientation whilst battling the mud, I suddenly knew where I was. ";God, it's the road at North Rode!" I exclaimed. Actually, anyone who was within earshot knows I didn't quite say EXACTLY that!

Profanities were apologised for, as I set off left down the hill (never check downhill) lecturing all with vocal range ( 2 miles), that the trail could ONLY be this way!! I knew all other routes from the road at North Rode would take even longer to get us back to the bosom of the Boddies in the pub.

After a couple of hundred down the hill my fellow Hashers sensibly decided they ought not trust my enthusiasm and stopped for a rethink. Nicky courageously decided that this lunatic pensioner should not be left alone with his irrational short cutting plans, and came with me!! 3 ¼ miles, 2 flights of canal locks, and a ¾ of a mile run on a busy main road later, we finally came across a slightly anxious Bridget who shepherded us home at 21.35! I rather expected we'd be at least two pints behind the rest of the pack, but in fact we weren't more than 5 or 6 minutes behind the softies who' d followed the loo roll home. Apparently, the real trail was just over 7 miles, whilst Nicky and I had done a little over ½ mile extra.

This navigational disaster was caused 3 paragraphs ago, by the ******* who'd called ";On On right" to the road at North Rode church. You sensibly can only go left once at the road, but of course, we should never have got there. The correct route was actually left at the earlier stile and more mud, rather than right on to the rough track!

Having met Bridget on the canal, the three of us then came across Mr Hack, who had been absent at the start. He and the Webmeister had found the late arrivals map, and set off to catch the pack. With the route being a virtual circle, short cutting wasn't a genuine option. Eventually, they caught up, but I never established why having done the hard bit, Martin complete with map ended up on his lonesome. Nonetheless he was beaming away, having endured, sorry enjoyed, one of his favourite pastimes of bludgeoning his way through inches of muck, whilst spraying its wrinkle smoothing properties over his less than enthusiastic colleagues. Oh, and he wasn't driving!

And so, in the pub there was enthusiastic talk of Bridget and Carol having produced a late entrant for the most memorable Hash of the year award. This may be true, but enjoyment seemed to be the most over riding emotion. Long and deep Hashes doesn't mean Hashers don't enjoy themselves. What a strange breed we are.

P.S. Mr Lever has introduced me to a website called www.mapmyrun.com which does exactly what it says in its address. I don't know whether this will work, but I've attempted to plot out on this site, the correct route from the Fools Nook, and also the way Nicky and I went, and the following are the addresses for seeing these routes. http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-kingdom/macclesfield/210760269
http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-kingdom/macclesfield/210763546

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