Wednesday 27th December 2006

The last trail of the year was from the Legh Arms in Knutsford - set again by Allan and assisted by Brian B

As is usual for the tweenie hash the turnout was down on the usual numbers and was in the low 20's. Maggie was the only walker for evening and after wandering through the middle of Knutsford seeing people eating and drinking in the warmth she cut short her route and decamped to the Legh Arms to wait out the return of the running set - consoling herself with some Marstons.

The trail was also marked by the return of Adrian to the hash after a couple of years - it was a good evening to do so as Allan had set may checks but not a massive diatance. The rain had vanished and we had a mild dryish trail round the backroads of Knutsford

One thing about Knutsford - the residents' Christmas lights are most gentile and discrete and not as some where more power is used on one house than the entirety of North Korea.

The trail completed with a gentle run in and then some Marstons to replace the essential liquids.

Tuesday 19th December 2006

Maggie and I had decided to volunteer to set the pre-Christmas trail in March as it had been a number of years since we had last done so. What we had forgotten was that last time we did it - 1999 and the previous ones where we had started at the Crown and then legged it to our house - the hash was significantly smaller. This last year has seen the hash grow from average in the mid 30s to an average in the high 40s.

However we Beered and geared up and moved furnishings about - Maggie produced a large Veggie Chillie and with the spicy marinade on a lot of chicken pieces and a veritable dormitory of Pigs in a Blanket she got the food ready for the hungry hash decending - it must have worked because no one was hungry when they went home

I did the easy bit = set a trail just over 5 miles with about 22 checks and a small amount of mud for the purists - and then set them loose from the Rngers hut on the Trans-Pennine trail.

I had had to lift some markers remaining from Roger and Simon's trail of a few weeks earlier and thought that I would not be having any problems qwith loosing hashers. I had not counted on Paul and Carthief getting off trail on the first check and missing the call back - they both run a bit quick - so they had their own trail and met up at the house for food.

It all seemed to go OK apart from that.

Tuesday 12th December

El Presidente reports on Martin and his trail at Marbury Country Park (Cock of Budworth) – 12.12.06

This is one of my favourite Hash locations. Regrettably, it isn’t a favourite with many Hashers, as it is a place they can’t find! At 19.45 there was a reasonably good turnout! 5 minutes later there was a very good one, as a cosmopolitan selection of Hash vehicles arrived, many of them having being driven on the door handles!

Nicky had left Allostock at 19.00 to make sure she got one of the restricted number of parking places. She found the Cock of Budworth twice when she wasn’t looking for it, and eventually found the start, but of course no parking space. 90 seconds later the Newman bus screeched to a halt. A rather grumpy Father Newman muttered, as he trundled to the first check, “Late home from work, kids wanting to leave NOW, no running gear ready, everything I love about hashing.” It’s his shorts I love. He and his kids bring the Caribbean to Cheshire – in December!

More good news was Peter Horner being good and early. Good because last week Peter had as he described it “a senior moment” when heading for the Walton Arms. He was mulling something over in his mind as he drove straight past Junction 11 of the M56. By the time he’d sorted his mull out, and turned the car round it was nearly 20.00, so he muttered “*****!” and went home to a very surprised Marjorie!

Whilst we were awaiting the assembly of the multitude, Karen’s daughter Libby said to me, “You’re wearing tights!” An undeniable allegation, and an immediate comparison of leg wear was made. Simon Parker who completed this gossiping quartet, looked down and around his 3 fellows, and announced, “So he is! Mark you, he’s got the best legs!” A truly Cheshire Hash panto moment, El Presidente in tights and Chris Newman in calypso shorts!

Anyway, we gathered up, and Martin did the formal pre ramble announcements, informing the pack of a 6-mile run with 35 checks and well over 100 possible routes. Some whinger at the back complained that that made the odds of any one of the pack actually finding all the correct routes, about 5 times more unlikely than winning Euro Millions! He (she) was probably right, but the good news was, at least someone was listening.

And so first to a 2 way, then a 4 way and eventually to a genuine 7 way check! At this point, the rather convoluted nature of the trail nearly snuck up and trumped the trail layers. Martin was on the cusp of bellowing “On On right into the wood!”, when a hasty consultation between the trail layers led to a reversed and very similar call of “On On left on the road!” OK, OK, so we’d didn’t actually run ALL the trail when we laid it, and we did use the 7 way 3 times, and neither of us was bright enough to bring a copy of the route with us! Everyone makes mistakes.

You can’t have a Hash in Marbury, and not use the canal. Actually you can, but it makes a lovely tempting target for the fast runners, who dutifully checked wrong – twice! Having used the 7 way thrice, it seemed equally stupid to use the new canal bridge for a 4 way twice, with the canal paths being wrong both times.

Deep in the woods a few minutes later, I was sweeping at the back collecting those of an error prone persuasion, when I noticed 3 or 4 torches clearly left, when they should have been right. Being a good sweep I bellowed loudly at the miscreants, encouraging their return to the correct trail. Some time passed, and their progress could best be described as leisurely. It suddenly occurred to me I’d made another error. This lot were the walkers, happily gossiping along with their own map! Ah, so now I’m really out the back! Bursts of speed I no longer possess, so nothing for it, but to amble after the pack, which inevitably seemed to get the next 3 or 4 right, leaving me further behind.

So now there’s me, Peters H and R, and an very inky evening! Eventually, a couple of lights appear way to the left. Stentorian bellowing eventually persuaded the lights to join our little troika. One of the lights was attached to Mr Lever, who complained that I’ d just called him back to where he’d just been! Now this is a problem with trails that are 6 miles long, but never get further than ¾ of a mile from the start. They are inevitably tortuous, and this one had a couple of long parallel sections with runners going in opposite directions. So Dave and a few unknown others did one loop twice. Nothing really odd there, except that Mr Lever said at the end, that on both occasions he did this loop, he passed Dave Arthur happily going the other way! Now we didn’t lose the good Doctor or indeed anyone else, so this will be one of Hashings little mysteries.

Eventually, all were safely gathered in, with the walkers arriving back at precisely the same time as their slightly speedier brethren, and we all absconded to the Cock, where Nicky on now her third visit, still couldn’t find anywhere to park! The pub had two other gatherings, one for the Harley Davidson boys, and the other for the slightly less macho Beezer (BSA) lads. None of ‘em under 60! Made us look like a sixth form outing!

Tuesday 28th November

Simon W and Roger P were the architects of this compact Lymm-circling trail.

Starting in the Davies Way carpark by the library the hash ran out to the village centre for the first check which took us off to the side of the dam and followed with a reverse down Lakeside to the new footpath entrance into the new estate.

As ther was a busy road on the exit side we had a muster and then a lead through to the next stage down Booths Lane and into the footpaths to Massey Brooke and back to the A56.
A quick leg down the canal and a feint past two other check points led us through a small footpath to the trans Pennine trail then back towards the way we had come - another small reverse.

A troll down the side of the Statham Lodge brought us round close to the Ship Canal but is was a divert south through the fishery and then across the golf course - off to Reddish Lane and then back round to the Village and the Car Park and then to fill Saddlers with many thirsty people.

Allans view

Tonight saw the repatriation and demobilisation of the last Cheshire Hash battalion, following its invasion of South East Asia, with the return of the On Sec, her consort the Foot Soldier, together with Mike Eden and his consort John Seymour. This sturdy quartet returned without serious injury, except for the odd flesh wound to their bank accounts. Apparently, the cost of living in South East Asia is best described as “modest”, but the cost of getting there, around the area and back was a little more expensive. And just after Barclaycard has stopped giving Nectar points.

Pam continues to slowly recuperate from her broken arm sustained following her involvement with a midget North Vietnamese and his Honda. Her dodgy knee is being treated by her daughter Louise, who apparently doesn’t believe in the more restrained style of physio practised by her Mother. For those of us who have “ experienced” Pam’s very effective healing hands, one can only express sympathy for her knee following Louise’s ministrations. Nonetheless, Pam feels her knee is improving! As one client of Pam said to me, (and I’d better not identify him/her), “No pain, no gain! ” I agreed. Pam has helped my creaking frame on more than one occasion.

Anyway, there was a Hash tonight! A 6-mile, 26-check confection around Lymm and its environs, brewed and matured by Simon Wright and Roger Pidcock. Simon issued the usual totally ignored instructions before the start, which included reference to an early muster, which because everyone ignored his instructions, meant it was totally ignored. I only mention this, because I’d gone the wrong way at the check before the muster, so was playing tail gunner (AGAIN), trying to keep up, when I discovered everyone else’s ignorance, at a time when a few seconds muster rest would have been most welcome. I think I may have just joined the whingeing club!

Which reminds me, no Dave Lever tonight. Actually that’s very unkind. Dave occasionally does make the odd comment, but it’s meant in fun, and except when I’m up to my knees in something only Martin Hack would enjoy, I take it as such. Poor Dave had a transport crisis. His Megane was being straightened following an altercation between it, an iron bar and a bicycle (details can be provided for a small fee), then Jenny’s Clio decided to sulk. No amount of sweet talk, pushing or WD40 could persuade it to break its monk like silence. Phone calls to the nearby junior branch of CH3, also produced Carthusian quiet, and indeed the young Newman clan were also conspicuously absent from the run. So no Mr Lever, a fact that combined with the reincarnation of Mike Eden meant Dave dropped 1 run behind Mr Eden in their titanically boring battle for overall 17th place in the list of who has done the mostest. With Mike and Pam certainly going to their gaff on the Algarve in the not to distant, Dave subject to vehicular hiccups, will certainly capture 17th place soon.

Of possibly marginally more interest is the fact that Tony Ellis is now only 13 ticks behind Nick Thistleton in the overall mostest stakes. Nick’s problem is that he’s enjoying retirement, and is spending more time fettling his 36 footer (boat that is), and exploring obscure parts of Planet Earth, so he isn’t here as often on a Tuesday evening. By contrast, Tony is still busily engaged in asset acquisition, although we shouldn’t feel too sorry for him, as he’s only been working 3 ½ days a week for the last 20 years.

I feel a fund raising quiz question coming on! How about, a pound a go, guess when Tony will pass Nick. The winner(s) get half the pot, the other 50% goes to whichever charity the On Sec and her fund raising crew are currently supporting. Anyone named Ellis or Thistleton will NOT be allowed to part with their sterling! I could pull out some stats from the Hash records to see how these two have progressed over recent years, so the armchair pundit has at least some gen to go on in predicting the magic date.

And so back to the Saddlers after another enchanting, and dry evening of Hashing. 39 souls completed the course, including 3 walkers and Bob the dog. The returning Mr Seymour decided to walk, as he tends to prior to his on piste winter activities. Apparently, John took 1,700 pictures whilst away in Asia. He tells me he edited them down whilst there, so only returned with 1,300 images. I know I’m an anorak, but assume he was away 30 days, and available for photography 16 hours each day, then that means he was taking a picture every 17 minutes of the trip. And my wife says I take too many photos! I’m afraid I’m Mid Cheshire League compared to John’s Premiership. Still, he enjoyed himself, and after all, what else is there?
P.S Jenny Lever’s Clio started without any problem on Wednesday morning!

Tuesday 21st November

Unusually for a Tuesday I got away to pick up Martin in plenty of time. Unfortunately there was a bit of bother on the M56 so it took a little longer than usual to get to him so we were on for being late to the Drovers

We arrived at the pub just as the pack set out searching and wondered why all was so dark, Rob had mysteriously said that we might drink at the Stocks and the reason became apparent - Drovers was shut. However off I went tryng to catch the pack, which was helped by them getting it mostly wrong at the second check so there I was - back in touch.

Come the third check and I found Allan doing a marshalling job. Unusual combo Rob and Allan styles different. It had turned out that Rob was without a back man and Allan felt that volunteering was by far the safest option..... A good choice - as the trail was muddy slippy and with some long checks in it - no change there for Rob. But he also incorporated a longish back check through the muddy slippy bit - Two squelches for the price of one.

All in All though the trail was just what was needed on a coolish dampish night with the expectation of some Sam Smiths at the end

Drovers Arms, Allostock – From Allan a report

There we were happily chugging down the A50 to the Drovers looking forward to another Dr Stephenson special, following another Hash car whose driver will not be identified, when for some reason the vehicle in front failed to turn right into the pub car park.
Strange at first, but not when you realise the driver was probably chattering and relying on the pub lights to guide him/her. The problem was – no lights! In fact, no pub! Well, perhaps not no pub, as the pub was there, but supporting a very large sign saying,

TO LET

Clearly the Drovers passing trade was doing precisely that, and the old landlord had given up the battle to feed the gargantuan appetite for rent that Enterprise Inns require for this place. Enterprise now owns some 8,000 pubs, and is one of a small number of finance companies that now effectively control England’s pubs.
I blame the Government! The bloody Conservatives in an attempt to stop breweries controlling the pub trade, and keeping beer prices high, decided to enact the Beer Orders in 1989, basically restricting Whitbread, Scottish & Newcastle et al from running more than 2,000 pubs. It worked a treat, BUT they forgot the Law of Unintended Consequences. The Orders only stopped breweries from running a lot of pubs, not other organisations.

Hence kiddies, most of the boozers we puddle into are owned by bloody great finance houses in the City, who have taken the cash out, then loaded these businesses with lots of loans backed by the property assets, but then they have to charge large rents, hence high beer prices, so they can pay back these loans!

Oops, I think I got into rant mode! Sorry! Where was I? Oh yes, the classic pub with no beer – or indeed windows, as every aperture of the Drovers was boarded up! What? Don’t they trust the locals? Ah, that was the problem – no locals! Oops again! Ranting again!

Anyway, the late arriving trail layer was undaunted by the lack of beer (or light), and on asking for a volunteer back marker, got me! Anything to avoid running too hard. Rob promised a trail “with some long bits!” Mustering was to be the order of the night! So away we went, with the late arrivals at the pub with ……… nothing, struggling to catch up at the first check.
Inevitably, Rob took the pack into the woods below Peover Hall down by the Peover Eye. A long slippery stretch ended at a footbridge, where the pack went right over the rickety rackety bridge, whilst this tail gunner knowing Dr S’s evil plan, waited patiently, watching Mr Higgins take his clothes off!

Apparently, Tony had got a bit hot, and decided to relieve his torso of one of his many thermal layers. Not that easy when you’re deep in a wood at night, when there is nothing but clouds above, so you can’t see anything! He needed two hands to do his striptease, and a third one to hold his torch to see what he was doing. Inevitably, I got volunteered to be the third hand.
Anyway, sartorial decorum was re-established just as the front of the pack returned to the footbridge. Our cunning trail layer having simply laid an out and back from the footbridge. There was some muttering about this rarely used tactic. Indeed some more recent Hashers even questioned its legitimacy. Someone reminded these uninitiated youngsters that “All’s fair in love and war, but particularly a Dr Stephenson trial!”

Anyway, off, up and out of the wood we went, to trundle round Peover Hall, on a path that I don’t think I’ve ever been on. Apparently, it’s one of Mr Ellis’s favourite walks, including a site of a sunken garden with rhododendrons, although at 20.45 on a drizzling pitch black evening in November, that is a piece of information that will have rotted away in my Recycle brain bin, long before it would be of any relevance.

So, another looooonnnnnnggggggg struggle across the Park to the A50, where Mr Ellis decided a sharp left back to the black of the Drovers would be sensible, whilst the pack went right and left on to another l…………………….(you get the idea) stretch of mucky fields. Tony had to wait for quite some time at the Drovers, but because he wasn’t driving, he was able to cadge a ride with the first clean and tidy hashers when they left on their way to the bar at the Whipping Stocks. He was well into his second £1.42 pint by the time I got there.
The Whipping Stocks is not owned by financiers, but by Sam Smiths, whose ale is only OK, but at £1.42 a pint, quite a few Hashers had decided that they’d have another pint just “to get used to it!” The pub was mortar bombed twice with crisp packets, by Hashers busily engaged in their favourite sport of “We have to make sure the kitties spent!” Shouldn’t that be kittys?

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Tuesday 14th November 2006

Tonight I returned to reality.
After two and a half weeks hashing in Thailand and Vietnam with the intrepid interhashers I had become used to trolling along in 30 degree warmth.. Nicky , with the assistance of David T had set from the Frozen Mop and it was a touch cool and more than a touch damp.

It wasn't raining much but this was made up for by the mixed ooze that was the farmland footpaths after many cows had used them in Natures way. I had of course forgotten to charge my main torch up so was relying on my spring/autumn mini maglight.. not enough light cast.

I did check though as did Tony E who was running like a mad thing and all in all a good trail was had by all though Martiwas slightly disappointed as he was informed that there was some water to run through that he had missed

Allan's Version

It’s 8 years since the Hash last ran from the Frozen Mop, and whichever brewery runs this place hasn’t spent a pot of paint on it since! So an ideal venue for a mucky, sweaty Hash then!

Nicky was the designer of this trip, with “assistance” from young Mr Taylor. Instructions were issued at the beginning as the rain dribbled down, and off we went just after 19.50, on a promised “ just over” 6 miles, 32-check trail.
We’d only just got past the first check, and we were into Much Whingeing on the Hash territory! Messrs Lever and Kenyon were grumbling to Nicky who was immediately in front of them, about the extent of the briars dangling across a narrow path. Nicky took the sensible option of making sure each dangling briar swung vigorously back towards the moaning minnies.

So much complaining and no checking was going on at the next check, that for reasons only Nicky and I are aware of, El Presidente found himself in the rare as hens teeth position of actually leading the pack, up to the 3rd check - which I got right!

Reality intruded at the next check, and my accustomed role as tail gunner was resumed. In fact, without a couple of very quiet hints from this evenings architect, I would have been in some difficulty finishing, as for unknown reasons, my normal slow pace was unachievable. Towards the end of the Hash Mr Ellis got sufficiently worried about my lack of pace, that he stayed with me until the boozer was in sight. He’s a nice man - sometimes.

In the end the pack reached harbour just before 21.30, with more grumbles about the length of the trail etc etc! When I measured the trail on Wednesday morning, Nicky and David’s estimate of just over 6 proved to be a little optimistic, as it proved to be precisely 6 miles. I think it was the depth of the mud (a Hack fest), and the height of the multitudinous stiles that led to the laggardly finish.

A slightly worrying development was the arrival of the walkers AFTER the runners had reached base. I overheard some conversation relating to unfriendly equine loving natives, and problems with some path or other. Anyway, nobody lost, and we all had a virtually empty large pub to crash out in.

I know this is one of regular beefs, but why is it that virtually all Hashers stand in a pub? Even on one of my better days, I’m sufficiently buggered at the end of a Hash, to regard any sort of seat in the same light as Mr Hack regards a large deep smelly pool of mud i.e. heaven. With half an acre of seating, most of the Hash stood in a scrum happily and obliviously blocking transit from one end of the pub to the other. Even my sudden essential trip to the loo required much pushing and apologising to avert disaster.

The Webmeister and his good lady were happily restored to us after their trip to Thailand, although poor Pam was not with us despite her early return from Asia, as she has sustained a broken arm, having had a losing altercation with a tiny North Vietnamese local pushing a large motor bike. Honestly! Our sympathies to her, and best wishes for a speedy return.

An Interhash Interlude

As all may be aware a dozen Cheshire Hashers went off to Thailand and Vietnam to partake of the joys of Interhash. These included Pam and Mike, Heather and Nick, Me and Maggie, Brian Glover with Carol, John Harborne and Thea ( an interhash virgin) and Tony Ellis and John Seymour

After lengthy preparations and mails we found that we had commited ourselves to

• A hash with Bangkok Harriettes Wed 25th
• The Red Dress Run before Chiang Mai Interhash Thur 26th
• Saturday InterHash 28th
• Sunday InterHash 29th
• Post Lube trail in Hanoi Tusday 31st

Firstly in Bangok

We arrived on the Monday afternoon and in the evening we went in search of food. The good Rep Matt took us down to the market area and we suddenly had to pile into the first decent restaurant as the heavens had opened with the only rain we saw during or visit.

With much confusion over the menu we found ouselved with rather a lot of very good filling soups but also the fishes and chicken fried rice that were ordered as well. The soup was spicy hot - th little red 'green beans' must have had something to do with it.

The quantity of beer we took in must also have helped

The next night was a Tuesday so being the good hashers we are we had a little trail - I had taken some chalk for the purpose but when it came to running on busy streets with shopping opportunities filling the pavements and people everywhere we were a touch slow at following any trail.

Although it was not raining the humidity was such that all were panting and perspiring in the 30 degree warmth before long - the trail was mercifully short and after a shower it was down to the bar for happy hour - with BOGOF for any drinks - including Beer Jugs and Thai whisky.

The next night was the Harriettes trail 1/11/2006

With much help from the excellent travel company Rep we made it via Skytrain to the Registration point for the Harrietes and from then off towards the airport in a stream of taxis and with an initial shout of 'Follow that Cab' which carried local hahshers and also proffering printed instructions in Thai to the driver. but happily the drivers had no probels and what turned out to be a regular hash point for them at a roadside restaurant.

After some sitting and drinking and some new T shirts we were off running along side many small waterways and through large puddles. Very mixed countryside and quite sticky but we returned as the sky darkened to take in more water and beer before the hash circle assembled

The RA - a trim lady hasher came into the circle dressed in a sarong, T shirt and high heels - She hadn't run in those. She called for her assistant - who for some strange reason turned out to be John Seymour. It turned out to be about duck calls - said it was a strange reason. He was made to stand with his arms out but was relieved, and gratified, to find that he was now a clothes horse as the RA (No Meat) proceeded to take off the T shirt and Sarong and hang them on John and appear clad in a bikini top, Short skirt and flashing Devil horns while clasping a cat o 9 tails.

It was punishment time. The hares were called out and made to drink down as were the two who fell - were pushed- into one of the canals. Then John elected me for the circle. I was told to kneel while my down-down was decided. A large cup of beer was placed 2 ft in front of me and I had to down it without using my hands. I managed - though the gentle whipping was a distraction.... Thanks John. (though he may have pictures)

After this was over we repaired to the tables again and proceeded to continue with the drinking and the large quantities of very good very hot food. After a couple of hours of this we summonsed taxis, thanked the hares and went back for a shower and a nightcap.
It's a hard life!

The Red Dress

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Tuesday 7th November 2006

Report welcome

David L sent this report of his trail for completeness

Venue: Farmers Arms, Kelsall

Hares: David Taylor - David Lever

Distance: 10k Number of checks: 32+

Number of hashers: a disappointingly moderate turnout compared with recent huge numbers - I guess we were hit by the absentees attending the Interhash; but what we lacked in numbers was more than made up in quality.
The trail surprised hashers by setting off east along the A54; but then it then turned into the woods and climbed into the new plantings south of Delamere Forest before twisting and turning down into and around the Forest alongside the Mere and back. Almost everyone thought that we would return along the Sandstone Trail; but no that wasn't the way .... instead a steep climb followed back towards the masts.

Oh what joy it is for the Hares to see the entire pack taking what they think is the obvious route home, only to have to backtrack and take the correct route. We love it when a plan comes together !!

Midway through the hash Tony Higgins, Peter Rose and Colin Bodimede decided to run their own trail (shortcut), They gave a good impression of the Railway Children and were lucky not to be wiped out by the 8:45 from Cuddington to Cheshire. Their "short cut" resulted in them arriving back at the pub 15 minutes after everyone else. The run seemed to go OK and the walkers seemed to enjoy their trek too.

Tuesday 31st October 2006

31st October Davenport Arms - Woodford Report by David T

Colin and Peter's run around the less than familiar territory of Woodford and Handforth Dean had their old nemesis (Mr D.Lever) sharpening his pencil and looking up new words for dysfunctional in Roget's Thesaurus in anticipation.

Previous hashes had led to the odd comment or two, or twenty, so it was anticipated that the Hares would play a percentage game and settle for an easy trail. However our duo are nothing if not plucky and they therefore set a complicated crossover route apparently involving the use of several parts of the trail several times.

Rob Baddeley was an early casualty of a low flying briar, but the pack generally stayed together until the bright lights of Handforth Dean hove into view, at which point the pack began to fragment. A long run led to a previously visited check which swiftly led to a loop where various leading groups found different parts of the trail at much the same time, causing multiple shouts and general confusion.

A number of members of the pack emerged on a main road somewhere in north east Cheshire where there was clear evidence of the need to check, but little guidance from either sufficient amounts of Andrex or Hares as to the preferred direction.

Eventually Peter arrived, with Colin nowhere to be seen, to guide us in a less than wholly confident manner ("I think it's this way") back along parts of the loop which had already been traversed more than once and a run in along the road we had started out on. The run was on the whole well received and although Mr Lever did manage to fire off a quick e-mail, the full range of his vocabulary had to be put away for another day.

Our thanks, as usual, to the trail layers.

The Blue Cap - 24 October 2006

A Report from David Taylor as I was off in Thailand

A successful first set for the younger part of the Newman family, advised by a more experienced, but less gifted in the velocity department, elder Newman.
The start led us quickly down the most obvious route to the darkness of Rookery Woods with it's multiple checking opportunities and laid the foundations for what became at one point a series of smaller self contained hashes. In the nature of things, various small breakaways were however reined in by the FRB's getting lost and a couple of tricky loops at the end.

At one point the leading pack was amused to hear the calls from the trailing pack some three to four checks behind, which was attributed to
(a) the fast pace and
(b) the possibility (according to one of his offspring) that Chris Newman may have got lost on his own hash.,a feat previously the sole preserve of Colin Bodimeade.
The route eventually led along Whitegate Way towards the A49 before returning more or less directly to the pub.

The conversation in the car park revealed the normal range of Tuesday night activities,
Paul Jackson had got lost and spent most of the evening running solo round mid Cheshire in a vain attempt to find torches,
I had sprinted in at the finish, unfortunately on the wrong route,
Martin Hack had found some mud that everyone else had missed,
Karen McGibbon (accompanied by her daughter Libby) had run round without evident perspiration,
David Lever had run round with evident perspiration,
and Ken Craig had averaged about walking pace whilst waiting for everyone else to check.
Thanks to the trail layers.

Tuesday 17th October 2006

Torches from the off really for this trail removed to the Crown at Peover.

Allan had set but was unable to run it so he was saving his Marbury trail till he could control it carefully. Nick and Heather took over the roles of whippers-in as we galloped off around familiar territory....to paraphase Eric Morcambe It was the right steps in the route but not necessarily in a familiar order.

The rain had stopped as is common and although we fielded a fair proportion was roaded. ( Not the bit with all the cowpats though.)
This left the shoes in need of a good wash before I take them off to Chiang-mai.

The trail was ,as usual an expert Allan route and we returned to the pub about 9 for a rapid change and a couple of pints.
a good run

Tuesday 10th October 2006

The following is a report from Ken

Cliff and PaulJ set this one on an incredibly warm night (“it wasn’t like this when we set it” complained Cliff), and when two such fit blokes choose such hilly terrain you don’t expect an easy ride.
This was our first return to the pub with no car park since Daniel’s memorable Red Dress Hash of last year. At first there didn’t seem to be many players, but when those who had parked on the road joined us it was another sizeable pack. Alan plus skivers Simon Wright and Roger Pidock joined the Ladies Who Walk.

We were soon away across the fields and rolling hills, squeezing through some of the squeeziest of squeeze stiles. Emerging by the Kerridge stone quarries we headed straight up to the ridge, but instead of the expected visit to White Nancy, it was over and down into Rainow. Not just into Rainow but into the hills beyond leading us further away from the pub with the Kerridge Ridge between a pint and us.

With a Tony Ellis rant brewing, the pack was turned back towards the Robin Hood and along a long grassy path to emerge by the mills on the outskirts of Bollington. Here we took that farm track that most people take up to White Nancy, so was this the moment to visit her? No, because we were also in sniffing distance of the pub, so it was downhill past what used to be the Redway Tavern for the run-in.
The Hash soon infiltrated all corners of the pub ordering copious amounts of Robbies. The Landlord expecting a quiet night had been caught off guard, and when Richard and I went up for the second round, he was forced to admit that we had supped him dry of Bitter.
The Hatters Mild was offered as a substitute which most people reckoned tasted like bitter anyway. Peter Horner, Rich and I recalled an old landlords’ trick of pouring slops from the bitter tray into the mild barrel. We kept this information to ourselves. Ken.

Tuesday 3rd October 2006

The trail was set by Brian B and Tony H from the Goshawk in Mouldworth

Saturday 30th September = Sunday 1st October 2006. Hash weekend

This was the annual event that is the Hash weekend. In response to many pleas we returned to the Wynnstay Hotel in Oswestry but slightly earlier due to the impending Interhash which clashed with the normal time.

The forecast was for the weather was not good with some rain on the Friday for Nick and Heather who set the Saturday Trail.
This trail started off with a drive out to a small village with the weather showing signs of improvement. It was a bit overcast as we took the usual pictures ( see photo Link) and set off up what in wetter time would probably be a raging torrent but is actually a track up to some gates to the fields. The nettles were remarked upon with mild invective.

However as we progressed the sun broke through and it became very warm as we followed the tracks up through the gorse. The trail took us through a lot of windy roads down the other side of the hill with spectacular views across the countryside and a few ver short steep footpaths which cut across the loops.

The trail was not without drama as- when we were going along a path at the foot of a field there was a sudden thunder and a smallish herd ( though flock might appear better at the time) of heifers galloped through the tree border just where Pam was running. PAm is not keen on bovines especially when they are picking on her and she let out an almighty yell which did seem to distract them so they stopped. They were then persuaded to gallop off again.

The trail ended up across the back of the church where we met the walkers and headed back for a shower and possibly some beer. Good time was had

Before we settled to our evening meal Allan and Heather made the draw for the following day's wayfaring. There was a change in the format this year which removed some of the random element in favour of everyone returning. One bag was prepared of those who could both run and read maps and the other of those who might need a helping hand in one of the areas. This created three teams for the next day ( some were sloping off to play golf instead) and we retired for food and alcohol

The weather showed itself as we left the table - it was coming down in stair-rods. But happily the next morning started with Blue sky and warm air. We were on trail from the Hotel for a change and went off into the distance with our maps. The steeper the climb the more points. Everyone got back in the 2 hour limit and as Tony E had arranged for us to keep our rooms til 12:30 we all had a welcme chance to wash down in comfort before leaving. Thanks to Allan for setting this years Sunday challenge which he controlled from John S's small camper van.

Tuesday 26th September 2006

The two Davids ( or is that two Goliaths of hash setting....Nahhh the two Davids) set the trail from the Crown in Tarporley. It is quite a while since we ran from here but the terrible twosome set an excellent trail which kept bringing us back into the High Street yhough as far as I know no-one dropped out at these stages for early refreshments.

When we stayed away in the environs long enough we met many beasts though in one field they were fairly young cattle who galloped along to find out what we were doing. It took quite a bit of shoo-ing to get them to push off while we crossed the stiles but apart from that an eventless run. Ta muchly

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Tuesday 19th September 2006

Clive and Sarah set from the George in Compstall - not far from Marple Bridge. There was a little chill in the air and it was getting dark as we were about to set off but no rain was sighted.
You had to be well on your toes tonight as soem checks were appearing so close to on-ons that you risked running through them ( more on that later) and on the second check the pack had to be called back from their up hill treck towards Marple to make an uphill treck down the side of the Northumberland Arms and a climb up through the fields.

This was followed by a loop onto the Glossop Road.and a small run downhill until another check was found. This was where I parted company with the pack - I found the on-on but missed the next check and accompanied by Paul Jackson I tanked down the side road for about ½ a mile. At this point I became anxious that no-one was following so I called Paul back and we made our way back up the hill.

At the top we met Mike Murray in the company of the junior Newmans clutching a brace of maps so we tried to work out which way the trail had gone and where we could meet it.
from the trail layout we decided that going back down would meet up with the loop the pack was on so off we went. But nothing! we ended up coming round a set of paths and roads until we found ourselves back where we started. Mike and Tim? after looking at the map again decided to make the trail back to the pub and after much further study I ended up following them whilc Nick and Paul went to meet the pack on their back loop.

I found out later that Clive had marked out the trail on the maps and printed off a couple BUT when he had come to st there were some active horses in one of the fields so he made a mod of the trail. This was at that point so our cunning plan to meet them had been doomed.

The trail was otherwise enjoyed by all including an American visitor (" Male Lesbian") and also Jenny's younger brother Phil (not Richard).
Jenny and Phil (not Richard) seemed to be having a bit of sibling speed rivalry through the trail and both came tanking into the carpark at a pace. (Even after that Jenny looked as if she had stepped out of a sportswear modelling catalogue - all neat and pressed still - She hasn't descended to the " I've only worn it for three weeks since the last wash so it'll be OK" stage of hashing yet...)

From what I saw of it - It was a good trail and the pub seemed to cope with the influx during their quiz night. Cheers.. the Robinson's was egood and when I went onto Orange squash they only charged about 20p

George Inn, Marple Bridge - 19.09.06 From Allan El Presidente

I've missed 2 of the last 3 Hashes with pathetic excuses, like playing golf in Ireland with the 2 heirs to the family overdraft, plus some further holiday in Cornwall with my wife adding to the overdraft. In that short space of Hash history, we seem to have gone from hardly needing a torch at all to get round, to needing one at the beginning just to get started! How fast the evenings draw in! We must lose an hours daylight in the evenings between mid August and mid September.

So peering through the gloom in the pub car park, the familiar Summer faces had vanished into the anonymity of Autumn. Bloody wonderful if you're trying to work out who to tick or not. Clive was in charge, and apparently had only just finished laying the trail at 19.30. One of two of us old timers had memories of Phil Wilson's trail up Mow Cop return to haunt us, as poor Phil did the same last minute trail laying exercise in September 1992, and then found he'd inadvertently laid an 8-½ mile monster, which he had to go round twice in 6 hours. I've never seen a more exhausted trail layer!

Anyway, off we went, and up we went. When Karen and Jenny laid a trail from Marple Bridge a month or so ago, they produced a belting contour hugger of a route, with ups and downs minimised. Clive and Sarah had decided on the alternative option of a contour-ignoring route. I don't have a 25,000 scale map of this area, but a quick squint afterwards at my 1983 dated 50,000 map, showed a starting altitude of 81 metres, and I reckon we topped out at the muster point at around 295 metres. So a difference of 214 metres, which in real money is 700 feet!

The Timex showed 21.05 when I started downhill, seemingly for the first time in the evening, and silently made a prediction of a VERY late finish. But the magic of a virtually totally downhill finish, is it metaphorically and literally gives Hashers wings, and the end was nigh at 21.20. So an hour and a quarter going up, and just the quarter coming down!

I had to leave early without coming in the pub, so "others" did the ticks. It was good to see Martin Burke back for the first time since he got broke up here on Karen's trail. Apparently, he couldn't have hashed in the meantime anyway, as he's been busy painting and decorating half of North Shropshire, but he said it would have been nice to try and do at least some running before returning to the scene of his demise. A nice gentle return for him them.

P.S. How on earth did we ever manage to produce satisfactory trails with 50,000 scale maps? In an urban area particularly, there's no real detail. It was confusion over the scale of map he was using that caused Phil Wilson's problems. He'd seen copies of previous trails produced using 25,000 maps, and then did one of his own with his 50,000 map, that he thought LOOKED the right length.

Tuesday 12th September 2006

Tonight's trail was set by last weeks two-tonner Brooke from the Appleton Thorn pub.

There was a goodly turnout of 51 (people and dogs) on a beautifully warm evening withe nearly every runner in shorts. There was a welcome return for Brian G who was good naturedly chaffed when it was found out he was going to walk and not run. Little did he know that he would get carried away as the bulk of the hash came past the walkers and he was, for a while, running along with everyone else.
He had not however worn runners but was wearing a pair of stout walking shoes and as we reached Grappenhall Heys an attack of stitch got to him so he took the decision to walk back in.

At this point the hash appeared to have two new hashers - two lads about ten or eleven - who decided to come with us. They stayed with us for the next 3½ miles until it dawned on them that there parents may be looking for them (school term had just started) and they may get an earful if they continued the rest of the way back to the pub

Brooke in the meantime had set routes in and out of Lumb Brook valley park and finally a loop back past the YOI to run in to the pub and the consumption of pints of Deuchars IPA. The walkers in the meantime had had a pleasant trail set by Brookes other half Lori which was much enjoyed by that pack.

Tuesday 5th September 2006

After setting the walk for Martin's Saturday trail Allan ran the trail from the Fox at Elworth just outside of Sandbach. As usual I was a bit confused but this time because on previous runs from here I had driven through Middlewich and so the pub was on the right. This time we came from the Sandbach direction and I still looked on the right - but the pub was to the left.
This remained the pattern of my checking for the rest of the night - mostly I was going the wrong way.

There had been a bit of rain earlier but everything had cleared up in time for the gatherering - many bodies both runners and walkers - and after the usual 'All markers on the right unless they are on the left - It is 5¾ with 31 checks and away we went running out along the sidestreet behind the pub.

As usual with Allan the trail was a good combination of road and path - though this week slightly more of the back roads- but on one of the footpaths we encountered an irate farmer who objected to our running down the path as he said we were upsetting them. We were however making sure gates wer shut and dogs were on the lead as usual when we met them. Unfortunately the back markers got more of the browbeating than the front. Various claims were made that the sheep were in lamb ( start of September ) and when our running vet who is a farm vet was asked about this state she replied that if they were pregnant it could only have been for about 5 minutes.

We meandered our way back through the lanes to the pub where we - as usual- enjoyed alcoholic refreshments ( I had however to scrounge a tenner from the hash slush fund as I has forgotten my cash. Good trail and much to our surprise it was also the 200th Cheshire trail of out globetrotting near-Oz Brooke

Saturday 2nd September 2006

This is clearly a Saturday and is the occasion of the non-Tuesday which gets a run number and ticks- That is Martin's BBQ.

The day started abysmally, chucking it down with rain and gradually it got worse with a big wind blowing up. I got over to Martin's early to help and found him stuffing the remains of his marquee into the shed as the wind had caught it and reduced the support poles to interesting metalwork. Brooke's smaller garden tent was standing tall - anchored as it was by stout guy ropes and supported in the middle by what appears to be a small tree trunk.

Martin and Lindsey, assisted by the girls, were making last minute changes to allow for the damp which involved bringing in the beer to the house and getting the food set up inside rather than in the now defunct marquee. This would have the benefit of cutting down on mud traipsing,

However, just before the 4 pm off the clouds broke and the sun shone and the trail , which took us round all the little lanes and footpaths of Antrobus, was run during the warmest and brightest bit of the day. A good trail which Ken nearly broke by getting lots right in a row. When we returned the clouds were gathering but we had no more rain to speak of and we were able to sit out and drink the Weetwoods and eat the excellent food prepared by Lindsey until we were stuffed

The rest of the evening was spent sitting round a pot bellied woodburning stove admiring its efficiency and laughing at John R's 'inadvertantly' rude comments as he expressed his admiration.

An excellent day - M and L.

Tuesday 29th August 2006

Tonight was down in the area of Whitegates for a trail set by Rob Baddeley and assisted by David L ( determined to keep his numbers up). Part of the parking was up at a layby at the end of Beauty Bank as the car park in the pub can be a tad awkward when full and we were then encouraged to trot down to the pub for the assembly of starters. This we did under a lowering sky which meant that carrying a torch was now mandatory as we would not get round in daylight now so that was it until next April.

We had a good turnout with Steve Argles looking keen as he was planning to run out with the Warrington Wednesday the next night and then the new Mersey Thirstday hash on the Thursday as he is camped over that way in midweek before getting back home to Grantham at the weekends.

Having primed us the hares set us off back the way we had just come out along the lanes. One thing of note during the trail that followed ( which was at a fair rate of knots) was the large number of fields we crossed with cows in - and the occasional bull- Generally this is no problem - as long as you are not accompanied by a dog - as for some reason the cows will have a go at you if you are.
There were also a fair few little calvesbeing shepherded by there mothers so skittisk was the order of the day.

The trail made excellent use of all the off road and eventually brought us back to where the cars wer parked as a small spattering of rain started. It was then down to the pub for some excellent Robinsons and a pleasing time was had by all

Tuesday 22nd August 2006

As the nights begin to lengthen and the swallows prepare to leave these shores again for the vast trip to South Africa - Roger T arranges an orienteering style trail from the 'Hidden Nursery' close by his house.

When Roger arranges one of these it is done with precision - all troops are martialed - The son to do the timing and hand out maps of the waypoints - Roger to make sure everyone knows what the peg and ribbon look like and that there is only an hour to save the world --sorry to get back with the clipped list and most importantly Elspeth who organised excellent food in large quantities for post trail

The evening itself stayed calm. I had thought that it would be cool and had put on a long sleeved wicking top - mistake - I started overheating soon after starting. Part of this is that it is not like a usual hash where you can occasionally hang around a checkpoint while someone else checks the route.
You feel that you have to keep moving at a fair pace to make up for the time you spend trying to read the map upside down. Although the mount a-lymm-bus team worked hard we only managed to pick up three locations to total 70 points so appeared down the list.

Part of the reason for this was Cunning Plan #1. This stipulated that the sooner we got back to the finish the sooner we could get to the beer but we didn't feel determined enough to just run round the block and back.

Well organised and excellent food. Thanks Turners all.

An epic from El Presidente

Roger's House, Plumley - 22.08.06

There's the old cliché about waiting at the bus stop for half an hour with no public transport in sight, and then 3 buses come along at once. Well, dear reader you may recall that last week was a new record turn out after many many months of "ordinary" attendance, and lo, along comes another record gathering 7 nights later. Clearly, Roger's promise of an orienteering trail suitable for runners, walkers and humans with wheels, coupled with food and drink after was an irresistible attraction.

The plan our dental wizard had devised was for teams of runners/walkers/cyclists to go to a number of locations around the local area, and collect clothes pegs. The further from base a clothes peg was, the more valuable in terms of points it was. A time limit of 1 hour was given, presumably to ward off the evil of impending torchlight.

Our team's progress was slightly marred by what at first appeared to be a serious case of HND. That's not Higher National Diploma, but Hasher Navigational Dysfunction. Somehow, Mr Rose got detached from our little group, as he thought Tony and I had had an "incident", which had delayed our progress, so he did what all good Hashers do in these circumstances, and headed for base for a snifter or three, as he wasn't driving. In fact Tony and I had simply taken ages to reach the 60-point clothes peg, through the writer's widely over ambitious assumption we could reach it in the time limit.
So when Mr Ellis and I reached home exhausted and 16 minutes late, and had our 60 point find, reduced by 22 points, we expected to find our colleague wrapping himself round the outside of something alcoholic. However! No sign of him. His wife was happily returned from her walking, but there was no Peter! A quick scout in the tent, of which more later, confirmed Peter was AWOL. So a search party was despatched. Still no sign!
Fortunately, as we pulled into the car park, to turn round and search a different area, there was Peter in his sleeveless All Black running kit looking a little weary, but sounding perfectly chipper. After a detailed Boddingtons influenced interrogation session, it became clear what had happened.

When Peter should have turned left off the main Holmes Chapel road to go down Free Green Lane back to Roger's house, he suddenly had doubts as to where the lane came out. He thought, "Hmm, shall I risk it down the lane, or go the way I know?" In view of the gloom, he thought prudence was best. So up the A50 towards Knutsford went Peter, past the Whipping Stocks, past Seven Sisters Lane (maps can be provided for those now themselves having a bout of HND), and finally he turned left back down the Middlewich Road towards Plumley.
By now it's black and so is Peter's costume, so on this busy road, it really must have been quite dodgy running on your own without lights! This little detour added just over 1 ¾ miles to an already high mileage body! Anyway, in the end all was well.

And so, very belatedly our little team got to get our food and drink, and for the tick keeper to be confronted by what initially looked like a major wedding reception with bodies everywhere. There were numerous faces I didn't know, including one clearly the worse for drink, as she was fast asleep. Apparently, Dr Arthur's 7-month-old granddaughter had had a feed before the event, and decided to ignore the evening's festivities. This is probably another record, having three generations active on the same Hash.

A steady circulate round the tables to identify all the evening's combatants, produced the entire Mallon family, of whom young Harry was previously the Hash's youngest attendee, when his Mum pushed him round a Hash weekend at Lancaster in the last century.
There were other Hashers who haven't been for years, whom I didn't recognise, together with one or two bodies who were eating and drinking but hadn't participated. All very confusing. This activity is all taking place in a large tent in Roger's garden, and the evening came complete with real crockery and cutlery! Apparently, Roger's prodigal eldest has returned for a time from the Antipodes, and the tent was to accommodate a celebratory event held the previous weekend. The real crockery was on loan from the Eden's, now retired (except occasionally), from their catering business. I'm told these large tents can be purchased form B & Q for a very modest cost. They seem to be OK, provided it doesn't rain, or the wind gets up above force 2, when apparently all guarantees are off. But what do you expect for a 100 quid!
On the way home, Tony E remarked that he thought he'd seem Mhari and A N Other (her Mum?) walking back, whilst he and I were setting out on our abortive "Recover Rose" mission. I thought I'd check with Roger if he had a record of their attendance on his team sheets. He hadn't, except that one team had called itself Oakes, which is Mhari's surname. He also though a chap called Derek came with Jean, but neither of them stayed for tea. Unfortunately, he also had 2 names on his team sheets that weren't ticked. So if there's any one out there who was there and I didn't tick, please let somebody else know! At the moment the records show 65 ticks, but I'm open to offers.

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Tuesday 15th August 2006

This was a combined trail with Dr Rob laying out the route and virgin Hare Cliff W going out and putting the markers on the ground with Paul J's assistance and advice. This worked with slightly mixed results but came out as a good trail. One of the benefits was that the trail was marked with big loops od loo roll - I could see them - the downside of this was so could everyone else so the trail moved at a slight lick.

The trail used one or two bits of footpath not hashed for a while - especially when we came out, to my surprise, at the David Lewis Centre near to the Stag at Warford and headed across country towards home. Although there had been some rain over the weekend the ground had stayed firm underfoot and with much less water than Martin H would have liked.
It was sad to see that in another week or so we would need to use torches for the end of the run.

Good trail enjoyed a lot and Black Sheep for drinking to start with.

Allan's view

Egerton Arms, Chelford - 15.08.06

I never seem to get the hang of Rob's trails from the Egerton Arms. He always goes and lays a trail that I can't work out until about 3 checks from the end, by when I'm so b******d, the local knowledge doesn't help. In fact, I think it's the local knowledge that's the problem. I have this mental habit of trying to rest the body, by exercising the mind, by trying to correctly guess what route the trail layer has come up with. It NEVER works! When we canter round an area I'm unfamiliar with, there's no need to try and out think the folk in charge, as I don't know where I am in the first place.

Anyway, at the start of the evening's frolics, Rob Stevenson pushed Cliff "Sandals" Wyatt forward and declared this trail was Cliff's responsibility, and as Cliff was a virgin (at trail laying), Rob would merely be offering "advice". Somewhere in this mixture, reference was made to Paul Jackson, who clearly had been desecrating the countryside with the Andrex with the other two over the previous weekend, but for reasons not revealed, wasn't here on Tuesday night. A couple of suspicious souls wondered aloud about whether the trail was so bad/long/muddy or all three, that Paul had decided to stay indoors. But, no, a perfectly normal trail, except for your whingeing scribe, who because of his inability to go the right way, had to twice resort to cheating, just to keep the pack in sight.

At the end 58 ticks went into the book, which is a new record turn out. There was a slight query over the total in the car park at the end, when Dr Arthur strongly verbally suggested I'd been idiotic to suggest, "it'll be left", about 4 checks from the end, when inevitably, right was right. Just because he'd lost his wife and dog!

It turned out the walking group, containing his beloved dog and Tuppy, had been a little ambitious with their route. The run finished a bit early, while the walk didn't! No one lost, but just a little anxiety making, particularly bearing in mind that the evenings are now careering at great speed towards inky blackness.

Tuesday 8th August 2006

A report on the The Harrington Arms, Gawsworth by David T

The last time Colin and Peter set from this pub it won the prize for the most memorable hash of the year, mainly because, having mislaid both hares, the pack decided to devise its own run in back to the pub at around 8.45 on a dark winters night from an unknown point somewhere in the middle of Cheshire. This was eventually achieved by around 9.30 pm, following a run in deemed long even by Dr Stephenson standards.
There were occasional comments in the pub afterwards.

One of the outfalls of this was however clearly a sense of injustice in the hares; that their well chosen route, carefully laid, no doubt in appalling conditions the previous weekend, had not been properly appreciated. The solution: wait two years and run the same route again, but backwards. It was a UK Gold approach to hashing, run all your favourite hashes again two years later. Coming soon: the Roger Turner plank run.

Tonight's run proceeded well until it reached the middle of a large field where the Hash became (more) navigationally challenged (than usual) two years ago. At this point the reason for previous problems became clear. It was a large field with an entrance but no obvious visible exits. However as this hash was run in daylight a route out was eventually located about a quarter of a mile away and the hash continued. The remainder of the Hash ran very quickly and the majority of runners arrived back at the pub before 9.00pm. However the Hares had devised a further twist (and this may be a little harsh) for several of the runners by ensuring that the walking group, who were in possession of various car keys, didn't arrive back until 9.30pm.The first pint was taken in running kit by several less patient Hashers.

The evening was however a success. The Harrington Arms is a solid pub, good beer, a no nonsense approach to its restaurant menu (crisps) and refurbishment (none) and the atmosphere is all the better for it. The countryside around is good for hashing and the weather was again kind. The Hares are to be congratulated for a good run and also for giving us the opportunity to have the same fun at their expense once more. Thanks to Colin and Peter.

And also by Allan

Tonight we returned to the site of Messrs Bodimeade & Horner’s Award Winning trail from the stygian gloom of November 2004, when they managed to produce a classic example of dispersed Hashing! Bodies everywhere!

Colin gave the now traditional little pep talk at the start, about how this was a “normal” trail, about 6 miles long with 28 checks.
70 minutes, 5 3/4 miles and only 14 checks(!!) later, I panted back to the car having finished what I subsequently discovered was a mirror image of their 2004 prize winner. Apparently, much soul searching and detailed cartographic planning plus a modest consumption of alcohol, had led them to decide to do their old trail anti clockwise rather than clockwise! “They’ll never notice in the daylight!” had been the conclusion of their forward planning.

Colin’s an Accountant, and in the pub after the run, some anonymous Hasher was heard querying whether this was a suitable profession for an ambitious young thrusting executive like Colin, bearing in mind the “disappearance” of half the checks he announced at the start. The answer to the query seemed to be that Colin and Peter could do what they like, as long as they continued to get all the pack back BEFORE 9 p.m. so that there was extra time for afters!
The only slight concern with the early finish was expressed by Mr Higgins, for whom the Harrington Arms is top of his list of places he’ll never go voluntarily! Admittedly, the Harrington is a pub, that the last time the brewery spent any money on it, was when £5 notes were white. But you have to say it’s different. However, if gossip is to be believed, not for much longer. Apparently, the Bailey family who have been landlords here since the 19th century, have run out of progeny prepared to continue to dispense Robinson’s beer into enamel jugs, to the sweaty Hasher. The On Sec said she’d heard the pub was going to close, and Robinson’s were going to sell the whole farm, of which the pub is part.

Mr Boldimeade, who lives quite close said he’d heard the complete opposite, and that the brewery were actively looking for some ambitious young thrusting executive to take on the challenge, of actually getting the pub to make some money. Roger Turner and I wondered whether an incoming landlord would make changes. Obviously, with its rural location, turning it into an “eatery” may make sense, but clearly then the 18th century fixtures and fittings would be bonfired.

Roger thought a new landlord might try and emphasise the lack of modern comforts offered by the Harrington, by ditching the token padding on the oak benches, removing the faded 20th century photos from the walls, and marketing it as the only pub in Cheshire where the true flavour of a 200 year ale house could still be experienced. The only obvious problem we could think of, was Health & Safety might not be too keen on going back to the fresh air “facilities”, which was all that was available when we first hashed from here in 1982. I suppose that might make the flavour offered a little more pungent. I do have memories of a bale of hay being strung from the roof back in the 80s, with someone telling me it was the equivalent of a Middle Ages Ventaxia, by absorbing cigarette smoke. It will be interesting to see what happens, and if anyone knows (Bridget or Carol?), please let me know.

Tuesday 1st August 2006

The trail this week was set by Special K with the assistance of young Jenny and was from a car park on the boundary between Marple and Marple Bridge to be followed by a local hostelry called the Scots Arms.
We were a good turnout considering the holiday season and the weather was a change from the previous few weeks as it had been raining on and off during the day and there was quite a strong wind. However - all turned out well as it remained cloudy but stayed dry and the wind dropped to a breeze.

With a warning to keep our eyes open for the giant squirrels , from Karen, we set off across the road and down the back of a park :- we were to remain there for quite a while as the trail was cleverly set to take us along nearly every path and twice over the iron bridge.
Although we did not see the alleged squirrels we did see some foot long acorns and cob-nuts besides the paths.

Joining us on trail tonight were Clive's other half who said she if she struggled she was local so could short cut - the only difficulty was the trail didn't get that far distant from the pub until the last loop by which time it was too late. Also present for the third week in a row was Chris Newman after a break of about 6 years

Good trail with excellent beer.

And Now from Allan

As the reader of these missives may remember, the writer is not a religious man. However, I caught myself in the middle of last weeks cauldron of a run from the Shady Oak, slipping into one of those, “ Dear God, get me out of this, and I’ll be a good boy in future!” type thoughts. Well, I think HE or SHE or possibly IT may have been listening, and decided, “I’ll show that silly bugger! If he doesn’t like heat and dry, let’s see how he deals with the opposite!”

So there I am, the following Tuesday evening, pondering the blackening sky, rising wind, plunging thermometer and thinking “ Waterproofs or not? Extra layer or not?” The answers were “No” and “Yes”, which fortuitously turned out to be the right decision. The On Sec stated on the drive to Marple, that the temperature was “half last weeks”. Mr Ellis’s car at that moment was telling it’s occupants it was 15 degrees C outside, and certainly the previous week at the same time, outdoors must have been around 30.

The nearer we got to the start, the blacker the sky got, and the more I whinged! The Foot Soldier kept trying to cheer me up with his usual optimistic mantra of, “It never rains on a Tuesday!” How does he know? He was right of course, and our little potter round Marple Bridge was dry and excellent. Karen and Jenny were in charge, this being Jenny’s first attempt at steering. Bearing in mind the opportunities offered to the sadistic trail layer by the profusion of little brown lines round Marple Bridge, they did very well to minimise the ups and downs.

For me there was some virgin territory in what I think is called Etherow Country Park, including a run round a boating lake, and a view of some 6 foot long acorns! External modern art meets hashing! Unfortunately, the art won. Martin Burke had just run by these unusual artefacts, when he went over on his ankle, and that was that. Fortunately, the damage did not seem too severe, and he managed to return to base for a modest libation. Apparently, he won’t be with us for 4 weeks, but had been planning to do some running whilst AWOL..

Whilst talking to last weeks trail designer Mr Lever on Monday, he announced he thought this week’s turnout might be quite modest. He would be absent as would his cohort Mr Taylor, together with Nicky, Jean etc etc. Do most people ring Dave if they’re not hashing? Anyway, the refuseniks were counter balanced by 2 new arrivals at this Hash ball, plus the return of no less than 9 hashers who haven’t been seen in the last 2 months. 46 ticks went in the book, although due to some tardiness on the part of the medical duo of Humphreys and Turner in leaving for Marple, the number starting was lower than that finishing.
Apparently, Ray (Humphreys) was observed early in the piece running in dark blue running shorts, but towards the end seemingly was seen sporting a very high cut pair of green sprinters shorts! The explanation was apparently due to his son William having chafing problems with his attire half way round, and his father made a significant sartorial sacrifice for the sake of his heir’s comfort. I think we may have had another Hash first here! This is the second week in a row, where there has been equipment problems following Cliff’s lack of footwear last week. Will someone attempt the hat trick?

Shady Oak, Tiverton - 25.07.06

Oh if ever we needed the benefit of a “shady oak”, tonight was it! We’ve had a couple of weeks of Mediterranean weather, but the gentle breeze there was last week to sooth the sweaty Hasher on Shutlingsloe, was completely absent at the Shady Oak. The On Sec and the foot soldier had returned from a month of gentle pottering with their coracle round the South West coast of Ireland, and were quite unprepared for the furnace heat and scorched earth of Cheshire!

As we set off to the pub, Nick’s car full was offered Nature’s air conditioning, or the Japanese version offered by Lexus. The consensus was keep the windows very firmly shut, and take advantage of the Rolls Royce of the Far East. In the car park, Cliff was wandering around with a request I’ve never heard before. “ Anyone got a spare pair of trainers?” Apparently, when Paul Jackson picked him up, he thought he’d probably put his boots on Paul’s roof, whilst manhandling his gear into the back of the estate, and promptly forgot his Nikes. No one had an extra pair of size 11s, so he set off wearing his sandals!

The two David’s promised us a “generous” 10K run with 31 checks. With some trepidation over the word “generous” the pack set off. A pit stop at half way was promised, which couldn’t come soon enough for me. Inevitably, a good half dozen Hashers missed the pits despite the detailed instructions given by our Lords and Masters. So, about turn orders had to be given, and unusually for a Cheshire Hash, were obeyed. The stop probably added 10 minutes to the run, and a little later the two Dave’s decided a little short cutting of their effort would be sensible. In view of the heat, objections were non-existent.
Even the shortened course turned out to be 6 ½ miles, or a stride or five more than 10k. Young David had apparently said to the senior partner in this epic after they’d finished desecrating the countryside with loo roll, that he thought this trail might be a “tad long!” He was a tad right.

In the pub afterwards, was nobody! The entire clientele were out on the canal bank giving the mosquitoes no challenge whatsoever. Before we set off, the contents of Nick’s Lexus all covered themselves with Deet. Just like the Interhash in Kuala Lumpur in 1998. You never forget the small of Deet! Anyway, this car full all returned home bump free, unlike last week’s escapade.

Tonight was Paul Jackson’s 200th, and Russell Craig (Ken & Lynn’s boy) was 50. In true Hash fashion, Russell started running 7 months before Paul! Also, it passed my notice that Ken completed 500 runs a couple of weeks ago, and Helen Jackson has now done 52 walks. Sorry folks. Steve Argles has now passed 100, although he hasn’t yet had his glass, owing to “administrative” difficulties with the glazier. All these anniversaries - it’s too much in all this heat!

Tuesday 18th July 2006

From Allan - the report for Leathers Smithy

Many many years ago, I was mellowing noisily in the corner of some now forgotten ale house on a Tuesday night, when the Hasher next to me, who has long since departed Cheshire, said to me, “You know, Hashing is like horse racing!”

Now bear with me here, and suspend your incredulity, assuming that is anatomically possible, as I think the lad has a point! He went on to say that there were three types of horse racing, “flat”, “hurdles ” and “steeple chasing”. (Quite how the latter got called that is another of these myriad English language quirks that could form the basis of a Xmas best seller if anyone got up the enthusiasm to write it!) Anyway, our friend felt this breakdown of these equine endeavours could be applied to Hashing, based on the number and types of obstacles that had to be surmounted on a Tuesday night.

He would probably have classified Bridget & Carol’s effort tonight from the Leathers Smithy as “flat”. You see, nearly all the obstacles the pack had to deal with were kissing gates, with only the odd stile. He felt stiles were something that often caused delays as Hashers did the British thing and queued to clamber over the things. I think he’s right, as they do slow things down. So most Hashes would probably get a “hurdles” rating, but last weeks creation from the mind of Tony Ellis, would definitely be a “steeple chase”. 5 miles and 15 checks from the Robin Hood at Rainow, involved a number of ascents over 6 foot high dry stone walls that literally meant mountaineering over the top these obstacles, without the benefit of hand rails and parachutes, or any of the other paraphernalia that the modern Health & Safety regime seems to require if a particular human activity involves any “risk”. Oops, had a bit of a rant there!

Anyway, this evening’s “flat” trail actually involved a climb of fractionally under 900 feet, from the pub to the top of Shutlingsloe! Bridget & Carol provided a water stop half way to the summit, but there was some whingeing when people noticed the time at the top was 21.05. But the view in this Mediterranean weather was superb, and most of the pack were actually changed, drinking outside the pub and getting eaten by flies before 21.30. It’s downhill from Shutlingsloe to the pub, and the pack were in no mood for “checks” with the prospect of a choice of real ales to replenish the sweat lost on the way up!

This evening marked Tony Higgins 1,000th run. So he becomes our 3rd Millennium after Nick and Tony Ellis. Mr H started on the 21st May 1985 from the Whipping Stocks, and he has consistently been our most consistent runner, attending just over 9 out of every 10 runs he could possibly have started. Does the man never get ill?
In Pam and Mike’s absence in France, Maggie took over celebratory cake making duties, and produced an excellent offering, with brilliant Hash feet across the top. In view of the predatory insectivores dive-bombing everyone and everything edible outside the pub, this is the first Hash cake that I have seen that came with its own mosquito net! Some first class forward thinking there!

I suspect our successful assault on Shutlingsloe will appear a minor triumph to Pam and Mike, who I’m unreliably told were going to ride up Alpe d’Huez in the French Alps, once the Tour de France cyclistshad passed through. For the non-cyclists among us, this particular climb is regarded as one of the most severe challenges in bike racing, climbing 3,500 feet in 8 miles. Just an extended Hash then!

Tuesday 11th July 2006

Brooke Picked us up early and although it was a bit slow through Macclesfield we still managed to get to Rainow by twenty-five to eight which fo us is hideously early. But there were people already there at the Robin Hood. We had a chance to warm up in preparation for the hills or alternatively stroll about and admire the village scarecrow competition.
This seems to be a feature of many villages these days but there were some excellent ones on display here - from the many small stuffed dalmatians hanging in a tree,. These were produced by the local Brownies but also of note wer the large figure of King Kong standing on top of a model of White Nancy and also the Titanic sinking in one garden.

The hares, Tony E and El Presidente, gave the good news that the trail measured at 5 miles on paper. This meant that the close together contours would produce another ½ mile or so. But the evening air was almost perfect, sunshine and a gentle breeze as we set off down the lane - possibly about 36 souls and 3 dogs.

We were soon off road but the ground was comfortable under foot and the views once we approached the top were little short of stunning. Even the rock stiles built into the dry-stone walls were looked picturesque. We were teased with several close encounters with the pub during the trail but no-one gave in until the end. At this point it was a race to get changed and into the pub before a significant number of ramblers beat us to the bar

This was an excellent trail across really beautiful countryside in pristine weather conditions.

All that it needed to round it off would have been some strawberries

TOP

Tuesday 4th July 2006

Tonight was the annual robstraviganza. A Barbeque chez S and an orienteering trail where points mean chocolate.
Rob and Paul met us at the gate as we as we arrived and marked us into semi arbitrary classifications. either 'E' 'A' 'B' Veteran, Super-veteran or walker. They 'A'd me and then we needed to get into teams of 2-4 get maps balloons and find our way out to the marked locations.. remember points mean Chocolate and the further out you got the more mpoints you got, You also got points for not having burst your ballon and lost them for being late back. Suffice to say much fun was had by all and may prizes were given out.

Unfortunately the B plus team with me Clive and Rachael were not class winners. We needed to gently drown our sorrows with the beer afterwards.. ( p.s. Jean and Nicky won a prize again helped this year not by me but by their lovely assistant David T .

Tuesday 27th June 2006

Martin set this trail from the Shrewsbury Arms near Little Budworth. There were 34 including dogs. We seem to have gone a little quieter with the summer being upon us as we started the year in the 40s and touched 50s a couple of times. This is possibly due to holidays and also possibly that in summer we tend to go out to the edges of Cheshire as we don't have to drive both ways in the dark. The benefits of this latter are 1. running without a torch, 2. getting views of Cheshire from different angles 3. finding new pubs.

There were only two walkers tonight so they Maggie planned the route for herself and Tuppy on a night which also turned out to be Maggie's 300th trail. She had managed to run the first 230 but has had a knee problem since.

Martin's trail is difficult to describe as it involved a goodly bit of woodland and a certain amount of appearing at the sam check from different directions which is always fun. Martin later quoted a snatch of conversation at on of these junctures that went along these lines.

Hasher " This looks familiar . have we been here before."
Martin " your observation and erudition is of the highest quality this evening"
Hasher ( but in a lighthearted manner)- " Piss off t**t "

Tuesday 20th June 2006

I'm a little late with this report due to being otherwise occupied/idle/etc.
Heather and Nick chose a carpark viewpoint near the top of Mow Cop on a damp and breezy evening. As we got out of the car the wind cut across the exposed hill and the first move was to put a rain top over the T-shirt and wish that slightly longer shorts had been put on - Summer Hah!

The other thing that struck fear was that this was the top of Mow Cop. This meant that the On-In was going to be uphill.. Arghh.
We haven't gone from this particular point for about 9 or so years so the combination of trails was new to a number of the hashers.
So off we went downhill with the warning that there was a gathering poit at a particular farm so we could negotiate the watch geese as we went along the footpath.

We need not have worried though as the On-On sec and the foot warrior had their cunning plan worked out. The light rain lifted as we set off and we took off across some moorland and fields. The trail was set so that the CH3 pack rule 1 ( never check downhill) was always disobeyed in the hope of getting a little lead for the next check.

The unusual thing about the trail at the end was that the hares had managed to work us around Mow Cop and up it to the point that the Run in was downhill to the carpark. Most probably along the route of the famed Mow Cop Killer Mile.
This race is strangely enough one mile which climbs up the hill with almost the only flat section being at the finish.The record in the region of 6 mins 17s and was resurrected in 2005

However not tonight. Good trail,excellent views and then to the Horseshoe for refreshment.

Tuesday 13th June 2006

A little late in the report this week..

David and Nicky set from the Ship down at Danebridge. This pub is on the interface between Cheshire and Staffordshire and if you trop a little East you can also end up in Derbyshire - however tonight we only did the two counties - several times.

The Lymm bus performed a miracle - we hacked it down to the pub BEFORE the pack disappeared into the distance. We normally play catch-up but tonight we were at the off.
It was a beautiful evening although there had been threatenings of rain during the day. This only made the trail more easy under foot.

David had stated that the trail would be a 5 miler this on the map distance more than compensated by the vertical inclines that we were perforce taken round - and in the case of the bridge across the River Dane several times. Although as usual the actual trail became a blur to me I remember it as one of excellence and one which demonstrated how many sheep there are in this part of the country. ( They all seemed to know David though!)

The pub was excellent as was the beer ( I had a mild - Black Cat from Moorehouse's) And the insects were in their usual ferocious mood for anyone outside.--- An excellent trail Ta Muchly

Tuesday 6th June 2006

Is this an omen?

I thought not but :- here is an eloquent missive form our founder and preceding it is Eleanor's Tail

Did she get the number of the beast involved?

Max, I'm not sure if it was you or someone else but I thought you might like this for the website.

Max suggested I sent a personal version of the Ermintrude story. Here's what happened.

It was towards the end of the hash and Millie was very tired so I was running very slowly, with her dragging behind me on the lead, when all at once we espied a large, smelly and restless-looking herd of big black cows.

Well I'm not scared of cows, and have always been a bit superior and dismissive of people who are nervous of them: after all if confronted by one of these beasts, it is an absolute truth that I would emerge the winner, on the basis that brains will always outwit brawn.
So I happily trotted round the edge of the herd, and then everything happened rather quickly: they got restless, Millie got nervous, I "koosh koosh"d them (a technique acquired whilst working as a lion tamer in my student holidays), they ignored me, somehow I lost hold of Mille's lead, she ended up under their hooves, they seemed to be kicking her, and I'm not sure quite what happened next but I recall the largest, meanest cow moving up to me and kicking out and then I seemed to be underneath it.

"Ha" it said in perfect English "that will teach you for being so cocky. What makes you think you can argue with someone as big as me". To which I replied "I submit" whilst recalling the story of a woman dog walker trampled to death under a herd of cows.

Now the next bit I can't quite understand - when I'd been approaching the herd of cows I was pretty much on my own with Clive a bit in front of me and Pam a bit behind - so where he came from I don't know, maybe he'd grown wings or mounted a white stallion/Vespa to rush to the rescue - but if you had to choose one hasher to help you out in a situation like this you'd pick the tallest, biggest and most assertive, preferably a Scouser with Irish origins.

Which is exactly what I got - Mike Murray.

He looked about eight foot tall, waved his arms in an aggressive "don't you realise I'm a Scouser" fashion and the cows all knelt at his feet and the big mean one apologised for the inconvenience it had caused and then retreated with its tail betwen its legs, agreeing to return for detention after school.

I stood up, I felt fine and quite calm until Pam arrived: she was kind and sympathetic at which point I started to feel a bit wobbly, but I did attempt to leave the field with a semblance of dignity, ignoring the cows' mocking laughter. I was intrigued not to find any hoof marks on me or Millie and began to think I'd made it all up! Maybe it didn't happen after all...but the image of Mike Murray standing tall amongst those evil bisons will stay with me for a long time! And in the meantime, I might start showing herds of cows a bit more respect. On on.

Swettenham Arms, Swettenham - 06.06.06

The other week Peter Rose completed his 666th run. It almost coincided with this run on 06.06.06! I’m told that all the sixes is an unlucky number for some people! Well, it seems there may be something to this nonsense as far as Eleanor is concerned, as I understand she had a bit of bovine bovver at the end of this trail, in the shape of a large cow, that seems to have taken exception to Eleanor and her dog Millie. Apparently, Eleanor ended up on the floor after this altercation with the animal, with Mike Murray being the white knight who rescued her. Good man! I’m told Eleanor seemed fine afterwards, but I suspect she’ll be feeling her bruises for a day or so.

Earlier in the trail there was a human altercation. From time to time the residents of the countryside take exception to having to briefly share it with a few mad souls who are merely trying (successfully) to work up a thirst. Tonight’s perturbed resident came roaring down a lane immediately after I had followed the On Sec over a fence and on to a narrow lane. Apparently, there was some dispute over whether Hashers should have been going over this barbed wire fence. No, is the correct answer, but as I was in a queue waiting to climb over said (low) barbed wire fence, I didn’t think about it at the time.

Anyway, a verbal objection was raised, and the On Sec bravely addressed the irate local by saying, “Hello Trevor, how are you?” Not as well as might be hoped seemed to be Trevor’s response, as he didn’t seem to recognise Heather (herself a local), and carried on verbalising! I’m afraid I put my chicken suit on, and trotted by on the other side. I didn’t see Heather again until Max & I were ambling down the road to the pub at the end of the run, happily oblivious of the push and shove involving Eleanor and Ermintrude the cow, on the parallel footpath! Heather with Roger, Skye, Bridget & Danny all popped out of the lane leading down to the earlier forded ford. The On Sec had discovered that Bridget is Trevor’s vet, and she had an appointment on the Wednesday morning to examine his cows. In view of his “abrasive” attitude, Bridget reckoned she would give his cows a hard time.

Inevitably, it later turned out that Ermintrude was one of Trevor’s cows! Whether he gave revenge instructions to said beast between his altercation with Heather, and Eleanor’s incident is NOT clear.

Jean had returned after a week off nursing her battle scars sustained on the Trans Ireland Cycle Event (TICE). After about half an hour her wounds started stiffening up, and I think one or three Hashers may have decided to play Nurse to assist her back to the boozer, not realising that real nursing skills were nearly needed by Eleanor. TICE seems to have been a great success, and plans are now being laid for a much grander 10 day cycling expedition across the French Basque country next year. Brave people!

So, an interesting Hash efficiently organised by Mr Seymour, and aided and abetted by the Eden’s. The weather was great, the countryside firm, with the odd exception, and the beer VERY expensive. Mutterings of £2.65 a pint were heard. If true, £5 doesn’ t even get you 2 drinks! Rachael did her bit for the kitty by drinking a pint of tap water, but I suspect most of the rest of us were not so strong willed. Anyway, your scribe is now being allowed 2 weeks parole, and is really sorry to miss the 2 Hashes being set from the fenlands of Wincle and Mow Cop!
You lucky Hashers.

Tuesday 30th May 2006

I leave the floor to Allan

Lord Eldon, Knutsford - 30.05.06

There are times when I am the trail layer, when I feel rather like Moses when he came down off the mountain with his tablets (that’s stone not aspirin). You stand in front of the assembled multitude, and give them guidance as to what they should do in the future. As with Moses and the flock he supposedly led, the Hashers the trail layer talks to don’t always listen to what they have been told! Tonight was no exception, and the pack took no notice when Peter Rose said he’d laid a 6-mile loop, and then found his co-hare John Robinson had also laid 6 miles. The problem being, according to Peter, they weren’t the same loops!

In reality of course, they was just one route, but it was rather a long one! At 2 minutes to 9, I struggled over a stile to find myself outside the Cow Dung (sorry - Dun Cow). Now this pub is just over 2 miles from the middle of Knutsford, and I’m afraid my resolve to do the full trail vanished as quickly as Simon Wright, Tony Ellis and a few others were themselves vanishing back down the main road to the cars! Now I haven’t run 2 miles non-stop since 1999, when I had to put my Hashing career on ice when the ankles gave out. With the exception of a quick lace tie up, I managed this enormous athletic feet, albeit at a speed no quicker than the Home Office can find “ lost” illegal immigrants. Still, I managed it.

As I was just coming to the cars, Big Paul thundered by, and to my accusation of “short cutter,” he politely suggested my allegation was incorrect. Actually, I think he said, “I wish I bleeding was!” Turned out that by the time I had reached the Cow Dung, Big Paul, Paul J and one or two others were way out in front of the rest of us actually following all the markers! Well done them, as the two trail layers were making sure they didn’t lose the back, and unable to provide navigational guidance to the front runners. The trail up to the Cow Dung came across some soft countryside that was completely new to me, but was not blessed with many obvious checks. Hence, the front row of the Hash had sped through a 2 or 3 checks at undiminished speed, and got back to the cars only just after us real short cutters.

For those who were marshalled by Peter & John round the full trail, drinks arrived a little later than normal, as it was approaching 21.30 when they returned to base camp. I reckon the correct trail was actually a little over 6-½ miles, and had started with a tortuous wiggle round the narrow alleys that connect the two main streets in Knutsford. A brief stop to witness the oldest known marker in Cheshire Hash history was included in this evening’s entertainment. It is a very faded chalk arrow on the wall of the Royal Bank of Scotland. In fact, it is so old; the bank was then Williams and Glyns!

This tourist bit of the trail was interesting, but a wee bit time consuming, and the fast boys couldn’t “open their legs and show their class to the world”, until we’d been going a good half hour. Nonetheless, there seemed to be no complaints, and beer and other funny stuff was consumed in the back bar of the ancient Lord Eldon, where the low ceiling and 35 sweaty chattering bodies made it an extremely loud venue. Pardon!

TOP

Tuesday 23rd May 2006

The 24th Birthday Trail was set , as often, by Allan from the Crown at Peover - It was best we arrived early as there was a BIG cheque to present to a young lady from Christies. The cheque was for the funds raised by Heather and Ken for the London Marathon and also by the various hash events such as the quiz supper. The value of said cheque was the five grand total of 5500 pounds. A good effort.
We spent the first ten minutes running back and forward across the road while the photographer tried for the ideal shot and we avoided the oncoming cars. Eventually he was satisfied and we could set of :- Although it was Tuesday it had decided to drizzle and be rather cool so away we went accompanied by said you lady from Christies - we do make them work for the money.

Off we went and I got the first check right - this proved to be about my only correct call all night - as Allan managed to take us past the pub 3 times before the final run in. It was familiar territory but arranged in a new way and Allan is congratulated on this and also on his organising the food and beer for our return

As an additional bonus it was also Pam's 300th run. She is running strongly at the moment and should be ready for Chiang Mai in October

Allan introduces his 2p++ worth

Crown Inn, Lower Peover - 23.05.06

One of the regular highlights on the national news this year, has been the “drought!” Whenever there’s been a slow news day, the media has dragged this subject back on to the breakfast table. Now, for those of us blessed by not having to live in London & the South East, this has been a strange alien experience as yet another vigorous weather front sloshed its way across the North West. There is the old joke about Londoners never coming further north than Watford. Well I’m sure that news and weather wise, anything that’s happening outside a 20 mile radius of Murdoch Central in Wapping, is treated by the national media as purely foreign news, and of no interest to their paying customers.

So, as the Cheshire Hash gathered to start another year of trying to fight off the effects of anno dominae, the rain came again! Brian Burgess and I had found a “window of opportunity” the previous Thursday afternoon, when we were able to clutter the Cheshire countryside with our recycled Andrex, without being interfered with by any cumulo nimbus. However, come the night and the precipitation precipitated.

Having asked the Hash to be thoughtful souls, and have their food orders and money available BEFORE we set off running, I’d got Brian to agree to be Head Waiter in collecting the cash. Within 30 seconds of arriving, Hashers were queuing up to divest themselves of their cash, just as the rain started! Now it’s no fun trying to write down food requests as your order pad turns to pulp. In an act of self-preservation, I found myself retreating further and further into the back of Nick’s boot, as the rain and the speed of ordering got heavier! All was well until the On Sec jogged by and found me with my ample posterior squashing her rectagonal shaped changing bag so it looked more like an envelope. Cue ejection of El Presidente from the comparative safety of the Lexus boot.
The On Sec had been looking for stragglers who had not appreciated that their presence was required at the front of the Crown, where the David Bailey of the local broadsheet was trying to immortalise the handing over of a large cheque from the Hash to Christies, following stalwart physical fund raising efforts, principally by said On Sec and Ken. The chosen method of immortality seemed to be for Heather and Ken to kneel down in the middle of the road in front of the photographer! The rest of us stood in front of the Crown acting as a backdrop, whilst we all waited for the seemingly inevitable arrival of someone doing 60 in their Chelsea tractor, enabling live pictures of Heather and Ken’s demise to be captured for the local media.

After about 4 attempts Mr Bailey finally pronounced himself happy with his photographic efforts, and we were free to make sure the landlady had the food order, Maggie had the map for walkers, and Pam had enough time to explore the female changing facilities in the pub, and then we were finally away, complete with the lady representing Christies, who Heather wouldn’t give the cheque to unless she agreed to run!

Brian and I had produced a twisty little 5 mile 30 check number, designed to make sure the 54 departing souls, could return about 21.00 to leave ample time for us to colonise the side bar of the Crown in preparation for the festivities. I arrived back with the back of the pack at 21.03, so we did OK with the planning! I popped into the bar to let the landlady know we were home, and to arrange for pints to be pulled. No need! I opened the bar door, to be confronted by 30 pints of bitter waiting patiently for some willing right arms!

They didn’t wait very long.

With the money in the bag, last year’s miserable experience of trying to extract cash from people’s pockets, while they munched into their meat pies and conversation, was completely unnecessary. The food seemed to arrive steadily, and Martin did his usual 2nd round beer-ordering trick, whilst Rob Stephenson seemed to volunteer for the really horrid chore of ordering the “funnies”. Getting 20 extra pints of beer has to be easier, than sorting out 2 shandies, (one very weak), 2 wines (one red, one white), a glass of lemonade (no ice), and a Britvic orange and soda. And that’s before he got to sorting out Dave Lever’s peculiar predilection.

Mr Lever’s presence was a bit of a bonus, as on Monday evening his progress to the pub, looked like he’d pirated one of Monty Python’s silly walks. Apparently, for no obvious reason his groin was causing him trouble. Honestly, that was his diagnosis. On Tuesday morning, he rang me to apologise for the fact that his groin had kept him awake half the night (again, honestly!), and that he really wouldn’t be able to run. That afternoon, he rang again to say that he worked out he could probably cycle. So he did, using his new steed, which appears to have been 8 weeks in the delivering. Anyway, young Dave underestimated the misery of the weather, and set off in a tee shirt and shorts, and froze! In the pub, he was chatting to Nicky, or trying to, and in an effort to understand what his chattering teeth were trying to tell her, she had to wrap her fleece round the poor guys shoulders.

Nicky herself had found the cold wet weather a bit of a problem, as one of her fetlocks had tightened on her half way round, and she did the sensible thing of short cutting back to the stables. Where of course, she was able to get a swift half in first! Purely for medicinal purposes you understand.

So, in the end all seemed reasonably well. My thanks to all Hashers who were really co-operative in having the right money before the start. It really is a major help. Special thanks to Brain for trail laying, and acting as Banker. He knew what he was letting himself in for, unlike Steve Maxwell, who ended up as Cashier when I ran out of fingers and toes counting the cash. Nick also found himself volunteered to help with the money, by carrying the coins to the bar, whilst I negotiated our escape route by paying the landlady. As we ended up with just over 7 pounds (in weight) of coin AFTER she was paid, he did a good job.

Tuesday 16th May 2006

After a weekend of rain - 7 o'clock on a Tuesday night saw a heavy downpour for about 10 minutes. After this it stopped and after Brooke picked up we headed West along the M56 until the Frodsham turnoff and then up the hill and on towards Kingsley and the Horseshoe. During this trip the roads became drier until there was little trace that it had rained earlier in the afternoon here, more Tuesday magic.
The trail was prepared by the two Davids and after the pack, small by recent standards at 42 including walkers and dogs, was assembled the news was passed that it was 6 miles with 35 checks and that the markers were often set close to. So off we went with much twisting and turning which involved looping back past one place a couple of times before we went across a long field to a steep bank down to a stile at a wood.

It was steep...It was slippery with mud and it was covered in wild garlic. You could tell because Roy and David L both went down through the mud on their backs. In the wood it was more so as it was steeper and at the bottom was a small bridge across the stream. Finally we went up to the road and were taken across a field of horses.
At the end we turned left and then went on another footpath back the other way, albeit with a very pretty view and then back to the pub for a few pints of Robinsons. A good trail though tending towards darkness after only two weeks without torches.

Allan present the long term view

Horseshoe - Kingsley - 16.05.06

And so we come to an end! 23 years of Cheshire hashing was completed with another 2 Dave’s offering, from the undulating badlands round Kingsley. Next week will be start of our 24th year, nearly as long as a bloody mortgage!

Anyway, our Accounting twins pronounced a trail with loads of checks in its 6 miles of tortuous twists and slips and slides! Yes kiddies, it was a bit wet underfoot. About ¾ of the way round, just as Mr Taylor was gleefully telling the queue for the 14th stile of the evening, that this was where his associate Mr Lever had tumbled whilst laying the trail, there he was laying down again!
Next to Dave L was Derek Clarke, who when he got all his bits vertical again, and recovered his chuckling dog, was heard to mutter, “I didn’t know I could do the splits!” Impressive for a gentleman a little north of 21, who to the best of my knowledge has never confessed to any interest in a pas de deux! So dear reader, as you can guess, it was an entertaining evening with a trail that really was only the 6 miles predicted by its authors, even though it took nearly 10 minutes more to complete that last weeks 7 mile beast composed by the Webmeister. There’s something about combining contours, single lane stiles and wet ground that leads to time-consuming trails.

I think we were probably fortunate with the weather, as I gather Karen set off from Marple with good intentions, to find them drowned by a flood on the motorway! It certainly precipitated before the run in Knutsford, and clearly repeated the feat whilst we were again battling with the problem of alcohol over supply in the pub for the 3rd week in a row! In the end a combined assault on the bar by those stalwart second round orderers, Messrs Hack and Murray, managed to reduce the cash surplus to a sensible level, at the expense of beaming but glazed smiles on those left in he bar when the landlord finally decided to lock up, and go and watch the new Big Brother.

Tuesday 9th May 2006

Well :- tonight was set by me on the Saturday morning in brilliant sunshine with chalk and paper. It was run in sunshine on the Tuesday night. Unfortunately on Sunday and Monday it peed down and washed most of the chalk out but I still didn't manage to lose anyone while back marking a running pack of 45. Just unlucky I guess.

The pack moved briskly round the trail and then spent the next 10 minutes in the pub disputing my call that it was 6 mile but everyone made it. ( see the report from El Presidente later) The beer in the pub was excellent - better than it had seemed on Saturday and all was enhance by the landlord suddenly producing trays of hot pies and sandwiches much to the dellight of all.

I had pointed out a loop for the walkers as Maggie said Tuppy's eyes had lit up at the report that there was a moated house to the south of Burtonwood. They seem to have enjoyed what I measured as 6k.

Allan presents his version of events

Bridge Inn, Burtonwood - 09.05.06

VIRGIN TERRITORY! For his latest trail-laying escapade, our Webmeister found some Cheshire territory never before sullied by Hashers Nikes. The prairies around the Burtonwood brewery provided him with location for his 7-MILE long trail! He confessed to it being a 10K route before the off, Max being a convert to metrication. However, El Presidente still works best in pounds, shillings and pence, and my measuring wheel stubbornly produced 7 miles as the verdict!
In fact, I’m now so ancient, I’m one of an endangered species that can still remember the relationship between rods, poles and perches. For those of you under 55, they are nothing to do with fishing!

So, 53 of us had a long look at these North Cheshire flatlands. The Webmeister advised the pack that a small part of the trail actually crossed into Merseyside but that passports and visas were unnecessary. Later in the trail he gathered us all together at what he defined as a viewpoint! We all looked down at the remnants of the long defunct Sankey Canal, and as in the distance a Virgin Express wound up some enthusiasm to scurry north to Preston, the Webmeister announced we were looking at Lancashire!
So, a Three Counties Hash!
Towards the end of the trail, despite being in unknown territory the hares amongst us decided that the buildings they could see on the western horizon MUST be Burtonwood, and the home of a couple of pints. They were right, so the tortoises found the last 150 rods of the trail were run virtually non-stop! Your scribe, despite his sloth was still in the pub car park only just after 21.10, so we had covered this lengthy Hash at some speed. More time in the bar!

Despite the pub having a large BW sign hanging on the outside, presumably indicating the local Burtonwood ale, it was the rather sweet, but very pleasant Mansfield ale we were served. Some of our alcoholic “experts” were sure that the Burtonwood Brewery is now closed. In fact, (my anorak has just been put on!) Mansfield beer is one of many brews owned by the Wolverhampton & Dudley group who bought the buildings of the Burtonwood brewery a couple of years ago. Strangely, a separate independent firm, who will brew ales for whoever pays them, runs the actually brewing equipment within the bricks and mortar! Anyway, most of the Hash didn’t seem remotely interested in how the beer got into the Bridge Inn, but were much more concerned with themselves taking it out!

After the first pint, Derek noisily zig zagged round the bar with a large tray of meat and potato pies! After the second pint he went round with a tray of sandwiches. Between these two culinary events, someone handed me some folding while announcing this was the remains of the kitty. It seems the Hash didn’t pay for the grub, and that the landlord was just pleased to see us. What a nice man! As is the Webmeister for finding new ground, a new pub, and free food. On On.

Tuesday 2nd May 2006

Tonights trail from the Red Lion at Goostrey was the responsibilty of Nicky, assisted this time with David Darcy :- sorry -Taylor. The evening was fine the pack was humungous. My rough count was in the mid 50s, later confirmed by Allan in his trusty log.

We got off slightly late but with such a pack there was a lot of checkers and the hash progressed at a reasonable lick. In fact the only time you got a break was if you happened to check correctly and were then passed by some quicker hashers who took ove the checking at the next point while you took a breather - This did not happen often - otherwise you just kept on rolling along following the On-Ons.

If you keep up this does have the benefit that you get to the pub fairly early ( Just after nine). This is not so good if you are the designated driver as you take longer over your beverage.

and now a report from Allan covering two hashes

The On Sec had booked her place at the organising table for the 25 th April months ago. It was the post Marathon trail, & after some best kept anonymous Hasher laid a 6 ¾ mile epic on this day some years ago, she has kept an iron grip on this date, to make absolutely sure our Marathon runners are presented with a survivable trail. Nonetheless, she and the foot soldier engineered a 5-¾ mile effort with about 20 checks. I suspect they'd probably laid a few more checks, but the front-runners could see 'home' from 8 fields away, and once they'd scented Sam Smiths, alcoholic enthusiasm ran rampant!

And so it should, with the ale at less than £1.40 a pop! The On Sec apparently decided to extract £15 from the kitty before Martin had finished distributing the first round. Apparently, there was some muttering about funds being needed. Anyway, the first round eventually got distributed, despite the pub being full with natives encouraged out by the (inevitable) prospect of football on Sky! Two locals ended up in the back bar, which became a heaving, sweaty mass of Hashers, most of whom had a struggle finding space to stand. The locals then had to cope with Dave (Darcy) Taylor doing his Pride & Prejudice impression, coupled with his attempt to deliver some suitable Shakespearean prose to congratulate Nicky and Jean who were both celebrating their centenaries. Don't give up the day job.

Apparently, the ladies asked for Dave to do a Darcy. One or two cynical souls felt he ought to have his ruffles suitably soaked just like the now infamous Mr Colin Firth's wet shirt. With beer at this price, they felt the kitty could stand the external use of a couple of pints. Surprisingly, more cautious counsel prevailed, and the cash was reserved for beer internally consumed. And how it was consumed.
When Mr Hack isn't driving he makes absolutely sure that the ale flows, and eventually he had the thick end of 5 pints. Tony E and me both had 4, whilst the hard worked foot soldier lost count. Unusually, no one complained they'd only had 1 drink from a £5 kitty, so most Hashers must have also liberally consumed the brew. Despite these prodigious drinking feats, there still seemed sufficient cash in the kitty, for Martin to mortar bomb the assembled Hashers with a week's production of Walkers finest - twice!! And when all were safely encapsulated in their autos for the toddle home, there was still about a fiver in shrapnel that Martin hadn't managed to spend. If only there were more Sam Smiths pubs in Cheshire!

And so 5 minutes down the road, and 7 days later, to the Red Lion in Goostrey where Darcy and Nicky were responsible. 'It's a GOOD 10k,' said Nicky before we started. A mumbled 'There's nothing good about 10K!' could be heard from the back of the pack. In fact, it turned out to be about 6 miles (9 ½ K), and most of the pack were back in the car park by just after 9. It WAS a very fast Hash. Many checks were found, and there were some calf stretching long gaps between some of them. In the end 56 ticks went into the book, which equals the most we've had out set by two earlier trails this year.
We seem to have managed to keep a walking contingent going throughout the winter. I can find only one Tuesday in the dark months when nobody walked. I do feel this is an excellent development. It opens the Hash up for folk who don't want to run, without in any way affecting those who do. Also, it benefits those Hashers who may be injured, who then have the opportunity to gently work there way back to running, whilst having a beer and a chat as well. So well done the walkers.

TOP

Tuesday 25th April 2006

As is her wont, our on-on sec makes sure that she and the foot warrior set the trail following her running of the London Marathon.

1. She knows it will be flattish
2. She knows the distance
3. She does not have to check

The trail is normally laid the week before and this year was from the Whipping Stocks. The final advantage of this is that it is Sam Smiths so the beer was in the region of £1.40 therefore three pints from the £5 kitty as opposed to other pubs at 2.20 to 2.40 per pint. This also provides funds for the 100 and 200 trail momentoes and the NEAA membership which gives the hash 3rd party insurance cover.

Tonight there were a huge abundance of hashers for the clear rain-free evening and the the rough count was 5 dogs, 5 walkers and 45 on-trail. ( and Ken whgo came to the pub to show off his London Medal.. Good run Ken (4.20), Heather (4.23) and Allisdair (3.38) )
Off we went and set off down the main road towards Knutsford and then off right across the fields. There followed a goodly combination of footpaths and roads all covered without the aid of a torch. I eventually got back at 9:03 which was excellent.
A short intermission occurred while the walkers with the keys to Brookes car returned an then into the pub

An event of significance was that Jean marked her 100th run tonight with Nicky having hit that mark the previous week.
For reasons beyond my knowledge the engraved glasses were then presented in the style of 'Pride and Prejudice' with David T relishing his Mr Darcy role in cravat and frock coat. Maggie was disappointed that he was not doing the BBC version where Mr D emerges from a swim in the pond but Nicky and Jean seemed happy.
Dave managed to put in a request that when he hit his 400 he would have a presentation in a film style of his choosing.. I believe he said 'Basic Instincts'

As well as the above celebration Roy K reach his 50.. much to his surprise as he had estimated abou 10 less.
Excellent trail from Heather and Nick and much beer drunk.

Tuesday 18th April 2006

Tonight I was backman for Martin's impromtu re-location from Wettenhall ( snagged by K and E last week ) to Kelsall -- a land of hills. But a pub with good though not cheap beer that is the Oak

Rather than report on a trail where I was acting as sweeper the main report is from our on-on sec

Well this old pub had been totally refurbished since I last Hashed from it - a very smart eatery now, it used to be a fairly dingy old coaching house which used to be called The Royal Oak.

An excellent trail by the good Mr Hack ably assisted by Max as back marker. We set off from the pub out across several fields heading for the high ground. This was obviously a bit of a tease as we then turned back towards Kelsall and managed to run up and down nearly all of the roads and footpaths in the village - a brilliant ploy by Martin as everyone kept expecting us to head out into the surrounding muddy countryside thus lots of checking in the wrong directions.

A final loop out across a couple of grassy fields did manage to ensure that everyone had wet (but not filthy) trainers when we arrived back at the pub. Martin also managed to arrange with the powers that be for the heavy rain to hold off until after we arrived back at the Oak.

This one could be a contender for Hash of the Year!

OnOn Sec

And from Allan

Royal Oak, Kelsall - 18.04.06

A dose of my annual chest infection meant I (fortunately) missed last weeks wet Wettenhall trip. I gather it was very damp, very deep but apparently as usual these downs were drowned out by the compensatory beers. However, having only run once in 3 weeks, I felt a quick scan of Martin's trail from the Royal Oak might be suitable. Cliché time...fat lot of good it did me!
It was obvious from a glance at the map that this was going to be an 'intricate' trail. 6 miles the man said, but 35 checks to help keep the pack together. In giving his pre run instructions, Martin referred to the myopia that he reckons often afflicts all the front-runners while they are checking. We were soon to find out that it is not only Hash eyes that may occasionally give trouble, but other human senses as well.

His final pre run announcement was, that to start with, we'd all cross the main road at the pub entrance, and go straight on down a well-marked footpath to the first check. Inevitably, the front-runners suffered from their habitual deafness to instructions, and immediately checked up and down the main road. Maybe they felt they needed the work, with only 35 checks to find!
After the first check was found, we set off across a surprisingly, and fortunately firm field, but for a 1/2 mile non-stop slog! So 34 checks in 5 ½ miles then. Someone plaintively said 'Checks MUST come a bit quicker. Mustn't they?' They did. Martin turned us back into Kelsall, and up and down the same hill we puffed for most of the evening, using all the short steep footpaths that link the 3 roads that make up the bulk of the village, and which run almost parallel to one another. We were probably never more than a mile from salvation, or in this case the Royal Oak.

At 20.50 we'd hashed to within a couple of hundred yards of the pub, and temptation was too much for a few of the thirsty and weak willed! A loop across the green stuff then took the depleted pack away from the bar. The trail layer then started to give stentorian verbal guidance to the front-runners, from his mid pack position. Basically, we were to check at the next stile, and NOT the one 30 yards beyond!!
The result was more habitual deafness! Despite the two LARGE chalk circles with a 3 in their middle that graced the top bar of said style, over the top went the speedsters. Peter Horner was given some none too subtle guidance from the trail layer, that if he checked left from the stile, he might learn something to his advantage. Peter may not be too fast over the ground, but there is nothing slow about his uptake, and left he went into the dark. He'd forgotten his torch!
Now we ended up only 100 yards from the pub. Hmm, a glance at the Rolex (I wish!) showed 21.02. I thought probably to early to finish if it really was 6 miles. So, off up a barbed wire fringed footpath we went, back to the beginning of the last green loop we'd started only 10 minutes earlier. Then back to the main road, and a quick 250 yards right to the pub. But was it? More town crier guidance from Mr H firmly stated that straight on past the wrong pub was an option. Mr Horner was again following Martin's vibes, and so away from the boozer we went for the 3rd time!! Of course, by now some of the remaining pack had developed thirst problems, and so some short cutting raised its natural head again.

How wise the short cutters were, as they were tucked up into their expensive pints, whilst us marathon runners struggled to change as the evenings forecast precipitation precipitated. Nonetheless, an excellent production that finished in a large pub that has clearly now decided it's the food trade it's after. Clearly Tuesday is not an eating out night in Kelsall, as we were just about the only people in the place.
Worth knowing, as Kelsall is an area, that even allowing for Martin's efforts still has Hashing possibilities. I shall put it on my watch list.

Tuesday 11th April 2006

Kevan and Eleanor set the trail from a nice pub in Wettenhall. Martin's disappointment at having his next week pub choice pre-empted was mollified by the fact that it was suitably wet underfoot in places and as it was not as he would have laid it he spent a reasonable amount of time at the back from wrong second guesses on the route.

The route took us off paste a few footpaths before we turned across a very wet field to an even wetter footpath check. Kevan was at pains to point out that the liquid we were going through was yellow for a reason and that we were under no circumstances to drink it.. !
This then looped us back to the pub from where we had a number of longish - dry routes. This was not to last as we went off road again and again went through a loop to bring us to an earlier part of trail. We eventually made it back to the pub with very little torch use. - another couple of weeks and we will be torch free for the summer

Another goodly turnout of 43 including dogs meant that the pub had a busy Tuesday

And Now a report from the on-on sec

Boot & Slipper, Wettenhall Another Kevan and Eleanor Extravaganza

This was only the second time that CH3 has ventured down to the Boot and Slipper at Wettenhall, the first time a trail set by Ken and Lynne way back in May 1995. No wonder we all had to get the maps out to find it again. Despite the south of the country suffering from hose pipe bans Cheshire is certainly not short of the wet stuff. Luckily Eleanor had noticed that the fields were at least ankle deep in water and in places mud and so took pity on us when giving Kevan his directions for setting the trail.

We had a short sortie to test out the wetness of the fields about a quarter of a mile after setting off from the pub - just to make sure that everyone had wet trainers for the rest of the evening. As I had done my last long marathon training run (20 miles)on Monday my legs were a bit tired so I was quite relieved that the whole trail was not going to be across fields.
Then off we went at a fairly brisk pace keeping mainly to the roads, apart from those trusty checkers who kept disappearing off across muddy paths and fields - Martin was in his element - We did another short triangle across the fields where a bit of axtra excitement had been organised by the setters.. we had to negotiate an electric fence...nothing new in that you may think! However this one was very powerful as can be vouched for by Dave A and Dave L who both managed to attach bits of their anatomy to the electrified wire with very startling results!!